Soul For Rent

Very few places for rent stay vacant for long. Eventually the rent price will meet the fair market price for rentals or someone's budget and somebody will move in. I have seen literal filth and desolation houses for rent that people moved into because the price fit their budget-which was very small. In the same way we can rent ourselves out to the highest bidder. I won't say sell because often we think we can back away from anything that really causes harm to ourselves. However, that usually backfires, it almost always too late to go another direction. So the soul of person, that part of them that makes up who he/she may be is rarely vacant for long. Something we take upon ourselves will come in and move us one direction or another. 

I have known people who have never stolen until they got desperate, and I have known prisoners who had never murdered until a desperate situation arose where they felt justified to commit murder. I'm not talking about self-defense! We have a space in minds/hearts/soul that is for rent to ideas, sometimes these ideas have spiritual consequences as well. Often times we find we have made a mistake and taken something unto our bosom that leads us in a wrong direction, and so we sweep it away if it isn't too late, and wait for the next opportunity. Pastor Ray is talking here about the evil that can consume a soul that is for rent. Corruption of any kind can devastate and ruin our lives. It can even make us want to take our own lives or the lives of others if evil enough. Corruption of our soul can make us cheat, lie, and steal until it leads up to the ultimate evil...

 The following is by Pastor Ray Pritchart
“When an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, ‘I will return to the house I left.’ When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first. That is how it will be with this wicked generation” (Matthew 12:43-45).
 
Every word in this little story serves a purpose.
Evil lives in the heart, then leaves, then returns.
The man ends up worse off than in the beginning.
 
If we say, “But I am in church so this could not be me,” let us not be so sure.
 
Each story Jesus told has its own tone. This one has a tone of shock and sadness meant to produce a disquiet in our soul. The warning springs from love and comes from the One who reads every heart. He knows how easy it is to give the appearance of devotion and yet have an empty heart.
 
When Joseph Parker of London preached on this text over a century ago, he began his sermon by commenting that Jesus rarely said no. He almost always said yes.
 
He said yes to the hurting.
He said yes to the guilty.
He said yes to the confused.
He said yes to the hopeless.
He said yes to the downtrodden.
He said yes to the rejected.
 
Jesus nearly always said yes. He delighted to encourage and to console. He fulfilled the words of Isaiah 42:3, “A bruised reed he will not break.” He did not come to heap more pain on those who suffer. He came to lift the load and bear the burdens of those whose lives had been ruined by sin. Joseph Parker put it plainly: “He never frightens without a reason.” Every word has a purpose.
 
That’s why this story startles us.
Here is a time when Jesus said no.
 
This little parable is not about prostitutes. Jesus never said a harsh word to a prostitute. He met them where they were and pointed them to a new and better life.

When Jesus said these words, he wasn’t talking to those addicted to some enslaving habit. Jesus never had a harsh word to say to those unfortunate souls. He loved them, and they loved him. He was a friend of sinners.
 
When Jesus told this story, he was talking to the most religious people in ancient Israel. These words were not directed at notorious sinners but to religious people whose religion had hardened their hearts. They stood in danger of hell every day, and they didn’t realize it. Jesus was talking to men who made their living studying the Torah of God, and he doesn’t sound very friendly. This parable was for the scribes and the Pharisees and the whole religious establishment. Lest they miss the point, he even says, “The last condition of this man is worse than the first. That is how it will be with this evil generation” (v. 45).
 
Jesus takes dead aim at the people who thought these words could never apply to them. Here’s a shocking thought:
 
No prostitute ever blasphemed his name.
But the religious leaders did.
 
No addict ever blasphemed his name.
But the religious leaders did.
 
What should we learn from this little story? If we ponder it carefully, we can see how the devil captures a soul in three steps.
 

Step # 1: Reformation

 
Remember the trajectory of the story. In the beginning there was a man under the grip of an evil spirit. If you want to call him demon-possessed, that would certainly be true. Sin has a stranglehold on his life. It would not be wrong to say he was a slave to sin. His life had no positive meaning. He sinned and sinned again and then sinned again. That was his life, his pattern, and he could do nothing about it.

At some point the demon leaves the man. Jesus doesn’t explain how or why that happens, and it is useless to speculate. The evil spirit leaves the man and begins to wander in the waterless desert.

Now things start to improve. When you get to the middle of the story, he has cleaned up his life. The self-destructive habits suddenly are gone. Perhaps we should make it more literal. In our day there are many men and women enslaved by pornography. It flows across the Internet like a vast, filthy stream. No matter how wise and good and strong you are, you are always only one click away from disaster. It flows freely from the polluted springs of perverted, depraved minds. It has captured and enslaved so many people inside and outside the church.
 
So let us suppose pornography has a grip on this man. It controls and enslaves him. Then one day he is set free. The evil spirit leaves and the desperate urges leave with it. One day the habit loses its hold. One day the compulsion disappears.
 
The man lives for days and weeks and months and never goes back to those hidden, dark corners of the Internet. Oh, the freedom he feels. The urges that were dragging him down to hell have disappeared.
 
Upon a day, someone says something slightly suggestive to him. Or someone sends him an email. Or he hits a moment of weakness when he is tired and angry and discouraged. He remembers what he used to look at. And just like that, the memories come flooding back. In less time than it takes to tell the story, the flood overwhelms him, and he is back in the pit again.
 
In the end, what he never thought possible has happened. He is far worse off than he ever was before. Shame overwhelms him even as he plunges deeper and deeper. What has happened? Satan called a retreat to set up an ambush, and the man walked right into it.
 
He made one fundamental mistake. He got rid of the evil, but he never replaced it with the good. Once the evil spirit left him, he made a sort of moral reformation, but his heart never changed.

He swept the house clean.
He got rid of the dirt.
He wiped the crud off the walls.
He cleaned the vomit out of the sink.
 
He made the house look good, but he didn’t put anything in place of the evil. The house was furnished and ready for someone to move in. It was clean but empty.
 
Jesus said this man was worse off in the end than he was at the beginning. It happened so subtly that onlookers knew nothing about it. That leads me to an important point: Many people who seem free struggle terribly on the inside. That fact should not surprise us or discourage us. The Apostle Paul said as much in Romans 7 when he talked about the inner struggle between the pull of good and evil. We like to think we are doing better than we are. We clean up pretty well on Sunday morning. We look good, we’re dressed up, pressed up, and we’re all smiles. We know the routine. We know what to say. But behind every smiling face there is a story. If you get to know people long enough, you discover everyone is having a hard time. We all fall short in many ways. I’ve often said if we knew the naked truth about each other, we would run screaming from the auditorium, and we’d never come back.
 
If I knew the truth about you . . .
And you knew the truth about me . . .
And we all knew the truth about each other . . .
 
Well, we’d all be in for a big shock.
 
Many people who appear to be free struggle with anger, resentment, rage, bitterness, a critical spirit, lust, dishonesty, cruelty, fear, doubt, unbelief, and unforgiveness. We go to church and nobody knows our story. We’re scared to say anything about it because we’re church people, and what would the other church people say about us?
 
The man in this story ended up in a very bad place and most of his friends didn’t know it because the battles of the heart are rarely seen by others.
 

Step #2: Relief

 
Give this man his due. When the demon came back and saw the house he had left, it had been swept clean. The clutter was gone, the dirt had been swept up, the walls had been repainted, the windows repaired, the graffiti washed away, the locks replaced, the carpet shampooed, the lawn mowed, and the flowers replanted.

Everything looked great.
Give this man all the credit he deserves.
 
We all understand change is hard, and it seems like the older wed get, the harder change becomes because we get set in our ways. This man, by hard work and deep resolution, had managed to vastly improve his life.
 
It’s always good to get rid of outward disorder. God bless all those organizations that exist to help men and women break free of the destructive patterns of addictive behavior. God bless all those who help hurting people and try to restore those who have been broken by life. It’s hard work, and they deserve our prayers and our support. They do tremendous good in the world.
 
This man’s triumph didn’t last because it was incomplete. Let me give you something to ponder. Small victories can be a curse. They can lead us to pride and to ultimate destruction. Incomplete success makes us look in the mirror and congratulate ourselves on something we haven’t really done. It makes us think we’re the one who made it happen, that we deserve the credit for breaking the habit, that we somehow managed to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps.
 
Whenever you see a turtle on a fencepost, you know one thing for certain. He didn’t get there by himself. Someone had to put him there. Bill Gates remarked that success is a lousy teacher. It makes smart people think they can do no wrong.
 
So this man did some admirable housecleaning. He got his life in order—to a point. He changed his habits and made things better on the outside. But nothing changed on the inside.
 

Step # 3: Relapse

 
The problem was not pornography—and it never is.
The problem was not alcohol—and it never is.
The problem was not drug abuse—and it never is.
The problem was not sexual immorality—and it never is.
 
Those things are terrible, but they point to a deeper problem. Many years ago I knew a young man who was struggling mightily with a certain form of sexual sin. He was far gone down the path of destructive behavior. Here’s the kicker. His father was a Baptist minister. That meant he had been exposed to the gospel and to biblical teaching. I recall one thing he said to me that came from the words of Jesus in Matthew 3:10, “The ax is already at the root of the trees.” The young man said when it comes to breaking sinful habits, you have to lay the ax at the root of the tree. You can’t just chop off the branches because they will grow back. You have to get down to the root of the matter. That’s hard to do because the roots are hidden. It’s much easier to hack off the branches of bad behavior while leaving the roots in place.
 
In the story Jesus told, cleaning the house was like hacking away the diseased branches. It left the evil root system intact. So while the house superficially looked better, it was still empty. That’s why the last state of the man was worse than the first. His life was like a furnished apartment, ready for rent. 
 
No soul can stay unoccupied for very long. Either the Lord will come in, or the evil spirits will return. We know this is true because the demon says to himself, “I will return to my house” (v. 44 ESV). Somehow he knew all that outward reformation counted for nothing. The house was still empty, and an empty house meant the demon could go back any time.
 
So he did. Only this time he brought along seven of his buddies—seriously bad demons, much worse than himself. It would be like a gang of hoodlums finding an empty house and making it their own, only this is happening in the spirit realm.
 
So I imagine the demon going back to the house and knocking on the door: “Hello. Anybody there?” When no one answered, the demon would say, “Hello. Jesus? Are you there?” If Jesus comes to the door, the demon has to leave. But if Jesus doesn’t answer, the demon is free to enter.
 
In this case, the demon enters, calls seven of his buddies, and says, “I found a house we can live in.” So eight demons move in to the house because the man has cleaned himself up by moral reformation, but he has not filled the empty house with Christ.
 
This story stays in the mind because it applies to you and me. Jesus aimed his words, not to prostitutes or addicts, but to morally upright religious types.

Folks like you and me.
 
If you go to church long enough, you stand in great danger of believing you are better than you really are. You start to believe your own PR, and you go to church, hear a sermon, and say, “I wish so-and-so could hear this,” when in fact you need it more than they do.
 
Something in all of us wants to substitute moral reformation for genuine salvation. The more religious we are, the more likely we are to clean up the outside and leave the inside empty. When you leave the house clean but empty, you have opened yourself up to seven devils worse than the first.
 

When Christ Comes In

 
When George Morrison of Scotland preached on this text, he commented that we talk about the indwelling Christ as if it were an abstract doctrine. But it is not abstract. It is the truth that sets us free.
 
When we come to Christ, he comes to us.
When we trust in Christ, he dwells with us.
When we believe in Christ, he takes up residence within us.
When we say yes to Jesus, he makes our heart his home.
 
No amount of moral reformation can accomplish that. Only the new birth from above can bring Christ into the human heart. No amount of religion can do what conversion does. We may stop our bad habits and become better people, but that will do nothing to fill the God-shaped vacuum in the heart.

Christ alone makes the difference.
 
Jesus never says, “Clean yourself up, and I will come in.” No, the invitation is always, “Believe in me, and I will give you a brand-new life.” The gospel gives you something much better than what it drives away.
 
We discover the power of the indwelling Christ in the moment of bitter temptation. When we feel pulled to take the downward path, Christ within says, “No, there is a better way.” He not only points us in a new direction, he also gives us the power to walk that way. An old chorus points out the difference between moral reformation and the gospel:
 
“Do this and live,” the Law commands,
But gives me neither feet nor hands.
A better word the gospel brings,
Bids me fly and gives me wings.
 
That last part—bids me fly and gives me wings—is a pure miracle.
 
Every sermon should have an application, so here’s mine. Jesus told a sad story about a man who cleaned up his life but left his heart empty and ended up much worse off.
 
Don’t be like him!
 
When it comes to your works, don’t just run away from your bad works. Run away from your good works and run to Jesus.
 
Believe in him!
Trust in him!
Welcome him into your heart!
 
That way when the devil comes and knocks at your door—and, my friends, he comes again and again and again—when he comes, send Jesus to answer in your place. The devil will flee for he cannot enter where Jesus has already moved in.
 
Oh, the wonderful truth of the indwelling Christ. It is fine and good to go to church and to live as a Christian. But it will not help you unless Christ is living in your heart. Some people have cleaned up on the outside, but they have never been washed in the blood of the Lamb. We need to meet Jesus. Here’s a little chorus we used to sing that brings the truth home:
 
Into my heart, into my heart,
Come into my heart, Lord Jesus.
Come in today, come in to stay,
Come into my heart, Lord Jesus.
 
May God help you to open your heart and say, “Lord Jesus, you are welcome here.”
 
Lord Jesus, come and slay the enemy within.
Come and crush the devil in my soul.
Come and defeat the enemy who would destroy me.
Come and fill my heart with your indwelling power.
Come into my heart, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Thank you for your love, your prayers, and your support. If you would like to help out financially, you can donate online or you can mail your gift to Keep Believing Ministries, P. O. Box 257, Elmhurst, IL 60126.

See you next blog,
Ted

Is the Bible Silent on Narcissistic Behavior?

Some time ago I was criticized by a pastor for my stand on telling men/women to leave a Narcissist husband/wife rather than deal with the constant barrage of lies and manipulations and endure more abuse. The church, Protestant and Catholic, has been turning a blind eye toward abuse in the home and even to the point of blaming the victim who has reached out for help. In some churches if you leave your spouse, you are condemned to the fires of hell...that is a downright LIE! Having studied theology, marriage and family and other counseling techniques extensively in bible college and the seminaries I attended and graduated from...there is only ONE UNPARDONABLE SIN AND DIVORCE WAS NOT IT! God is not myopic and He does SEE EVERYTHING! IF you are a woman in a church that will not help you in leaving your abuser, then leave that church! There are pastors who are now willing to run the risk of helping and refer you to counselors that will help you deal with the TRAUMA that has been a HUGE PART of your married life. God is not silent. Abusers will BURN IN HELL...THERE WILL BE NO ESCAPE! Mark them and get away from them as quickly as possible!

(no idea who wrote the following because so many have laid claim to it, but he/she was correct)

What Does the Bible Say About Narcissistic Behavior?

PEOPLE WILL BE LOVERS OF THEMSELVES

Narcissism is addressed in the Bible in Paul’s second pastoral epistle to Timothy (2 Timothy 3:1-7) in the fall of A.D.67.  Paul seems to be concerned about the character and behavior of leaders within the church, so he warns Timothy to beware of those who act out of a “self love attitude”.  He says, “But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come.  For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power.  And from such people turn away.”  Here Paul names many of the attributes associated (in psychology) to-day with the narcissistic personality we are all becoming so familiar with.

The Science of Psychology and Narcissism as a scholarly study is relatively young, barely more than a century old in fact.  However, the term “Narcissism” is not confined to psychology alone, it is also seen through the lens of other disciplines, such as sociology (i.e. Narcissistic Culture); Political Science (i.e. Citizenship and Moral Narcissism); Criminology (i.e The Narcissist and Threatened Egotism); Theological Anthropology (i.e. Theism and Narcissism); Theology (i.e Hedonism and Narcissism).

In Psychology, the term “Narcissism” was first introduced by Alfred Binet (Sexologist) in 1887, however, its usage today has grown more from the notions of Freud’s work in 1914.   Mankind has been interested in all aspects of mental processes and behaviour over many millennium, as far back as two thousand years ago the Ancient Greeks explored the meaning of the mind through the myth of Narcissus.

Contrasting the Bible with Psychology:

Let us take a few moments to contrast and compare what St.Paul says to Timothy two thousand years ago with today’s psychological understanding of what narcissism is:-

St. Paul says: “For men will be lovers of themselves”

Psychology says: The narcissist form of self love is not a healthy one, as they are really full of self-hatred and self-loathing, which they must disown.  Unable to love their True Self, they fall in love with a reflection of themselves (False Self).  It is through this projected image that a narcissist is able to generate the much needed Narcissistic Supply that they crave for their very survival.  When I speak of  “Narcissistic supply” I am referring to whatever feeds the appetites of the narcissistic defenses, whether that currency is Primary or Secondary Supply.

St. Paul says: “Lovers of money”

Psychology says:  The narcissist needs money to maintain the false image and keep them on the pedestal they put their selves on. Money is the enabler that allows them to surround themselves with symbols of wealth; the flashy car, the big house, the clothes etc.  Wealth to the narcissist portrays both psychological and financial power, putting them on a pedestal of “greatness” where they can be worshiped by everybody, including themselves.  They are addicted to adoration and attention, money buys that for them.  Because the narcissist grew up feeling deprived of love, they are always seeking love substitutes, and money represents that love that they constantly seek.  Money, and their attitudes to it, affects all of the narcissist’s relationships.  For example, it is a useful commodity for cajoling and seducing people as a source of future narcissistic supply.

The narcissist use their open display of money in order to get social approval, this often adds to their sense of entitlement.  That sense of entitlement often leads them to feel that they are also entitled to other people’s money, they will use any means for extracting what money they can from others.  Their grandiose fantasy leads them to believe that they have more money then they really have, and this often lends them to spend recklessly.  Money is also useful when their frail ego takes a blow, when this happens they are likely to go on compulsive shopping sprees to comfort and calm themselves.  Overstretched and in dept, they are always looking for ways of making more money, so they will hound people, or even commit financial crimes in order to get it.

St. Paul says: “Boasters”

Psychology says: Boasting is a key trait of narcissism.  The narcissist boasts about everything, exaggerating their achievements, success, wealth, education, occupation, conquests, power etc, anything in fact that helps them to build a grandiose image.  The narcissist suffers from jealousy and envy, anything another person has they want, so they set out to get it.  They use their grandiose image as part of their art of seduction in order to attract others to them for their exploitation.   However, once they extract what they want from this person they loose respect for them, they are then soon discarded in a terrible fashion, often ruining their reputation in the process.  The truth is that narcissists have little or no self-esteem or self-worth of their own (no such ego functions), in fact their boasting implicitly implies a serious lack of self-worth.  Boasting has many advantages for the narcissist; to start with, it acts as a defense mechanism against feeling inferior. In order to mask their underlying feelings of inferiority, not just to the world, but to their own self, the narcissist has to maintain their image of superiority, and boasting helps them do that.  When you are in their favour, then you will have to be prepared to endure a pretty much one sided relationship, where they are the constant topic of conversation, with their “I”, “me”, “my” and “mine”.   If you do manage to talk about yourself, you will soon see them become bored and impatient with the conversation, and somehow the conversation switches back to them, and once again they are in the limelight.

St. Paul says: “Proud”

Psychology says:  The narcissists inflated pride convinces them that they are superior to everybody else.  In such a place of pridefulness, the narcissist is overly sensitive to any form of actual or perceived criticism that could threaten their self-image and cause them shame.  They will react harshly and haughtily to anybody who dares to threaten their false self and magical thinking; therefore threats will not be tolerated for an instant.  As the narcissist is always right in their own mind, they will judge anybody in opposition to them immediately as being inferior to them, and therefore deserving of their rage and retribution for daring to attack or humiliation them.

Paul says: Blasphemers

Psychology says: Narcissists cannot handle being upstaged in any way; you must not be seen to be more powerful, more successful, more beautiful, more intelligent, in fact “more” anything.  To do so renders you to becoming the narcissists arch enemy, an instant rival to be spoken of in an irreverent or impious manner.  Narcissists are masters at using character assassination as a subtle railing tactic to undermine anybody who poses as a threat to their fragile self.  Preoccupied with living in their fantasy of power and brilliance, their fragile ego is easily offended, and can often find offense where none is intended.  Whether the threat is real or imagined, the aggressive, attacking and abusive narcissist will retaliate by setting out to expose and destroy any person who poses as a threat, and he will do it in any way possible; defame the person with lies and gossip without conscience, then happily by proxy, where they use others to become unwitting character assassins for them.  Many narcissists operate through a “God Complex” that is so arrogant that they consider themselves as living Gods, and more than that, they are a god that does not submit to any mere mortal.

St. Paul says: Disobedient to parents.

Psychology says: In the context of the Bible, the parent represents “authority”.  The narcissist does not bow to any authority; they see life in terms of self-entitlement in the pursuit of serving their own needs.  For that reason, their inner drive is not driven by community values, actually they sneer at them. They do not respect an authority which endeavors to constrain them and make them accountable for their actions; on the contrary, they prefer to live by their own flexible laws and rules of engagement where they are the “authority”.    They dedicate their waking time to the constant pursuit of acquiring their own personal authority, and this can be achieved by any means available to them: through their immediate family, the workplace, friends, collogues, peers etc.  Indeed any type of relationship that guarantees their flow of Narcissistic Supply will suffice, and in the procurement of their much needed supply, the narcissist will gladly misuse their authority in order to reach their goal.  Furthermore, the narcissist sees theirself as a guru, and therefore is inclined to encourage a personality cult following from all their relationships.  Then like all cult leaders, they demand total obedience and control over their dominion.

St. Paul says: Unthankful:

Psychology says: Because of their immense sense and expectation of superior entitlement, narcissists are ungrateful and unthankful for whatever they have been given in life.  Because they regard themselves as “special”, they seriously believe that they are entitled to have whatever they are given.  Generally, with such an exaggerated sense of self importance, their actual levels of achievements are not in accord with their fantasy.  Because the narcissist is addicted to excessive amounts of admiration, they come to expect preferential treatment when dealing with others.  In short, they live in a world of fantasy, a world in which they are brilliant, powerful and successful in every way imaginable.  They expect people to dance around then, so why should they be thankful for anything; actually, it is others who should be thankful to be in the service of such resplendence.  If one is silly enough to tell them that they are “ungrateful”, they will defend their right to their entitlement to the very end.  They will be outraged by your criticism, and they will insist on a full repayment from you before they will ever consider forgiving you, and if they don’t get it, they will hold a grudge on principle, their need for revenge will be high, and you are likely to be alienated.

St. Paul says: Unholy

Psychology says: The purpose of all human life is to become “Holy”, holy means to become “whole”.  When we are whole we are grounded in a sense of our True Self, and the interconnectedness with all that is sacred.  That interconnectedness is directed by the natural laws of love, wisdom, reverence and compassion, where we can be other centered.  Narcissists, on the other hand, are solitary beings who are grounded in a False Self that renders them addicted to their own self-centeredness.  Focused only on their own needs and wants, they become “unholy” predators cut off from all life (secular and sacred).  They are at the centre of their universe, with little or no moral code they become intent on violating everything in their sights in order to get their needs meet.  In doing so they have no consideration for any damage they cause to others.   It is such evil intent that becomes the dualistic opposite of good, rendering the narcissist unholy.

St. Paul says: Unloving

Psychology says: Ego Psychology uses the term “Narcissism” to describe someone who is self-centered, and in love with their own image (as in the myth of Narcissus).   Narcissists, by and large, grow up feeling unloved and abandoned.  Without experiencing the mirroring of love from another, they lack the ability to love others, or even themselves.  Freud spoke of “primary narcissism” as a necessary stage of infant development.  He theorized that before a child could love others, it must first learn to love itself.   A child devoid of love experiences intolerable painful feelings. In order to survive, they cut-off from these painful feelings and develop an idealized false-self mask that camouflages their suppressed inner feelings of being defective and unlovable.  Suspicious and fearful of their own disowned feelings, they then become suspicious of any displays of affection toward them.  They interpret these displays of feelings by others as a sign of weakness.  This weakness in others then becomes a tool for the narcissist to exploit and manipulate for self gain.  While cut off from their true feelings, they fail to develop true empathy for others.  As a result, any so called love relationship the narcissist develops lacks true warmth of affection for the other person; rather it is a relationship that is totally focused on the narcissist’s self gain and self worship.

St. Paul says: Unforgiving

Psychology says:   Due to their magical thinking, the narcissist False Self utterly believes that they are unique, omnipotent (all powerful), omniscient (all knowing), in short, perfect in every way.  Because they strive for perfection, they cannot face their own shortcomings without it triggering personal shame, and shame causes them to experience narcissistic injury (a threat to self-esteem and self-worth). Their response to narcissistic injury is to invariably fly into a narcissistic rage (Kohut), their rage is a direct reaction to a perceived slight, insult, criticism, or disagreement.  So anybody who dares to humiliate or reject them in any way (whether it be real or imagined) will not be forgiven, and the narcissist will develop an obsessive need for revenge against that person.  You may think that you are offering them constructive criticism in a manner that may be helpful to them, but this will not be decoded as being helpful to the narcissist, but rather as a threatening act against them.  When they feel threatened they feel like a caged animal, and this is sure to illicit an emotional volatile response from them.  In their effort to build their damaged ego and escape from their intolerable narcissistic injury, the narcissist takes flight into an escape plan that involves powerful destructiveness.  For such a transgression their escape plan involves punishing you, bringing you down and devaluing you without any mercy…….metaphorically “killing you off”, as it were.

St.Paul says: Slanderers

Psychology says: Narcissists build an inner shrine to themselves where they self-aggrandize to an extraordinary degree so that they can feel intrinsically superior to all others.  Of course, their highly inflated view of themselves is an illusory false-self (a pathological ego) that becomes the basis for all future misinterpretations of their reality.  Their feelings of being superior in everyway to everybody, becomes the source of much pain and envy for them when ever they feel outshined by anybody.

Pathological envy and jealousy is an integral part of narcissism (envy is a desire for what another person has, while jealousy is the fear that what something can be taken away).  Narcissists are envious of anything in others that they lack in themselves (i.e. beauty, possessions, knowledge, personal qualities, power, skills, achievements, qualifications, relationships, money etc.  Their envy consumes them, and the list of their covetousness (“I want, I want”) is endless.  Envy is a normal human feeling which can range from mild to severe, from healthy to unhealthy, from positive to negative.  For example, “healthy envy” has positive qualities.  Healthy envy acts as a valuable guide for your heart, leading you in the direction of what your soul requires, so in effect, the thing you desire acts as a mirror for personal growth. For example, if you envy the knowledge of your tutor in college, perhaps there is a part of your soul that yearns to become a teacher, or to be in a position where you can impart knowledge.  Healthy envy is empowering because it brings you nearer to your life’s goal.  Whereas, unhealthy envy is disempowering because it keeps you bound to a fantasy, making you blind to your own true nature.  Because the narcissist acts out of a False Self, they suffer from a twisted heart, leaving them at the mercy of their “unhealthy envy”, and envy that can trigger their feelings of vulnerability, shame and self-loathing at any moment.  Any of these feeling can result in narcissistic injury, to which the narcissist invariably react to with rage.  In order to rid themselves of such emotional turmoil and recover their equilibrium, the narcissist projects those intolerable feelings outward onto the person of their envy.   Once you become the object of the narcissists envy you are in serious trouble.  In order to improve their own self image they are likely to do a character assassination on you.  This is not innocent gossip, rather it is an intentional and premeditated smear campaigne of “projection and smearing” that is aimed at maligning you in order to tarnish your reputation and make them feel better about themselves.  Be warned, they are cold, ruthless, and self-serving, and by the way, they take no prisoners.

St. Paul says: Without self-control

Psychology says:  When we speak of the narcissist in relation to “control”, we find we are dealing with a paradox that is somewhat ironic.  In truth, most people would consider narcissists to be “control freaks”, when the fact is they are constantly under the threat of loosing self-control.  Due to some circumstance in their childhood, the narcissist would have experienced a loss of control that would have a devastating effect to their sense of self.  With a poor sense of self they are left feeling very unsafe in all areas of life.  The consequences of feeling so out of control, is that they as adults seek to dominate each and every interaction they have, whether it be with an individual or within a group, whether it be in the home, the workplace, or in social settings.  This need to control makes them feel powerful.  However, their power is not “power with”, but rather “power over”, and this becomes their springboard to verbal and emotional abuse in all their relationships.  For the narcissist, power and control go hand in hand.  Strangely enough, they see themselves as masters of power and control, however nothing is further from the truth.  In reality the narcissist uses acts of control as a major defense against ALL that appears hostile in their eyes.  Control is just one of their obsessive multi-addictions in an organized energy-system that they use to insulate their fragile ego from narcissistic injury, to counterbalance their mental peculiarity in their interpersonal connection with others, and to shield them from their constant feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness.

At first glance the narcissist appears to the unsuspecting onlooker as being full of self-control; they come across as charismatic, educated, confidant, charming, and sociable.  However whenever the narcissist shows an interest in someone, it is not as innocent as it first appears.  Because of their obsessive need for attention, the narcissist is on the constant lookout for the narcissistic supply that they crave.  They are really good at making themselves appear attractive to others, they are willing to invest a great deal of energy in the beginning of any relationship so that the person feels safe and secure with them.  What the unsuspecting victim does not realize is that they are being enticed to becoming a source of supply that the narcissist can control and manipulate.  When this is achieved, the narcissist feels empowered and in control of everything within their sphere of influence (i.e. the where, the when, the why etc).

St. Paul says: Despisers of good

Psychology says:  Most of mankind is motivated by self-interest, however most can exercise impulse control due to their personal core values.  Narcissists on the other hand appear to be disconnected from their personal feelings, therefore lacking a personal value system. This lacking of a value system leads also to a lack of integrity, empathy and a social conscience.  Operating from a primary impulse drive of self interest, they rationalize that morally wrong actions are justifiable where self glorification is the end goal.   Bankrupt of moral obligation, their grandiose sense of entitlement is free to conclude that the world owes them everything, and that rules that apply to everybody else do not apply to them.  They are lovers of good, but only when that good applies to them, because they are really true lovers of self.  They resent “do gooders” as they trigger their shame.  Of course they will deny this, even to themselves, as they boast that they are moral, and lovers of the common good.  Their evil behaviour is a direct result of their “lack of the good”, and they will have no moral conscious about lying about their so called compassionate, righteous and generous nature, all of which is a deceptive camouflage.

St. Paul says: Traitors

Psychology says: A traitor is one who betrays another’s trust.  So in what way does a narcissist betray trust? Narcissists are not interested in authentic relationships, that is why they betray people constantly.  However, they do need people to boost their fragile ego, that is why they are always on the look out for their narcissistic supply.  Once a narcissist identifies a person as their potential supply, they will be stalked as prey by their predator.  Once the hunt commences, then every trick at seduction will be engaged until the person is truly hooked.  Once a victim is hooked they are seen as fair game for total exploitation.  Phase one is called the initial “Idealization Stage”, the narcissist puts on their “best face” in order to mould their victim into a symbiotic relationship with them as their narcissistic supply.  If their potential prey is part of a group, they will target them in such a way until they manage to separate them from all protective friends.   For a while the narcissist will shower them with attention in their bid to glean all knowledge about them, their value system, their vulnerability, their interests, their needs and wants.  They will then feign those same common interests in such a way that the unsuspecting victim believes that they have found their soul-mate, someone who understands them fully.  The victim mistakes what is happening in the relationship as friendship, rather than being a victim who is being used to provide the narcissist with something that they lack.  When the narcissist has what they want, they will move into The Devaluation Stage: Almost overnight the narcissist becomes decisively cold and uncaring. The victim’s falls from grace is a hard one, they cannot seem to do anything right anymore; the narcissists loving words turn to criticism, everything the victim tries ends in a negative effect, and they find themselves devalued at every turn. Totally confused, the victim has no idea what is happening, and they become increasingly stressed, unhappy and depressed with the situation. The narcissist “gaslighting behaviour” has reached its peak, and they despise who their supply person has become (weak and worthlessly inferior).   Having been devoured, the victim’s utility is exhausted, and the game enters into The Discarding Phase: Once this happens, the narcissist ardor for the game has dampened, in their eyes they have already won the contest, and the fun is over and they go in for the kill without any remorse. By this time, the narcissist is totally indifferent to any needs or wishes that the victim may have, in effect they no longer exist in their mind. Not so for the victim, they are left confused and raw with emotion, and are eager to find solutions in order to “fix” the dying relationship.  It is this behaviour of setting out to find a victim to use, abuse, then annihilate that makes the narcissist such a traitor

St.Paul says: Headstrong    

Psychology says:  A person who is headstrong is one that is determined to have their own way, and often this is achieved through willfulness and obstinacy. Headstrong types are not easily restrained; they are ungovernable, obstinate and stubborn.  Narcissists are driven by this type of impulsiveness, even though they do their best to hide behind a facade that helps them to look like they have a self that is controlled and micro managed.  Truth is that their headstrong nature is neither controlled nor well managed.  The narcissist lives in their heads, and their headstrong attribute can be detected in their magnetic eyes, which can be seductive one minute (when they want to get their way), or a raging monster the next (when they feel thwarted in reaching their goal).  All narcissists have an inordinate fascination with themselves, and they expect this also of their narcissistic supply.  So any act of opposition against them, whether it is real or imagined, is likely to make them become violent, obstinate, ungovernable,  untractable, stubborn, unruly, and vengeful.

St.Paul says: haughty

Psychology says:  To be haughty means to act with blatant arrogance or disdainful pride. The narcissist displays all of these characteristics in that they consider themselves to be better, more superior than those around them. The haughty narcissist basically has an overall attitude that causes them to scorn others, to see them as inferior, by so doing they set themselves above everybody else.  This puts them at the centre of the Universe, with everything revolving around them. They have little or no concern for anybody else, preferring to live by their own rules.  It is such pride that often brings them down with the law.  Without humility of heart the narcissist has no proper perspective beyond himself.  Their haughtiness gives way to grandiosity, an overwhelming need for admiration and entitlement, impaired ability to have empathy towards others, and a lack of commitment to others.

See you next blog,
Ted