Friday, June 28, 2019

SETTING THE RECORD STRAIGHT ABOUT OUR SOUTHERN BORDER!

Dr. Dobson's July Newsletter

Dr. Dobsons July 2019 Newsletter

Dear Friends,
Several weeks ago, I was invited by White House staff to visit our southern border at McAllen, Texas, where federal agents are struggling to deal with a massive influx of poor and destitute human beings. They come in never-ending waves. Please believe me when I tell you that the media and leftist politicians have not been truthful about what is going on there. It is a human tragedy.

I promised the exhausted U.S. Custom and Border Patrol agents that I would go home and tell as many people as possible what I had seen "up close and personal." Today, I am attempting to fulfill that commitment.

Approximately 5,500 people show up every day in districts organized along our southern U.S. border. McAllen is the site of only one of them, but it is the busiest and most besieged. The "refugees" arrive exhausted and ragged from walking hundreds of miles. Among them are large numbers of children, many of whom are unaccompanied by a caring adult. Last year, 382,000 aliens were apprehended for illegally crossing into this country and almost 100,000 of them were minors. Some of the kids have been abused along the way. Many of them carry lice, scabies or other diseases. Currently, the facility I visited is experiencing a flu epidemic, and there are no additional beds on which to lie. Some of the women have been raped. More than 70 people of all ages are sent to local hospitals daily along the southern border. Doctors and medical staff are overwhelmed by their patient load. Remember that word, "overwhelmed." It describes every aspect of the effort to deal with the situation there.

The most heart-wrenching experience occurred during our tour of the holding area. It is a huge gym-like building consisting of dozens of fenced-in areas. Each one is crowded with detainees standing or sitting shoulder-to-shoulder on benches. They stared out at us with plaintive eyes.

I noticed that almost none of them were talking to each other. The children looked traumatized and frightened. Tears flooded my eyes as I stood before them. They had no toys or dolls, except for a few items bought by compassionate border patrol agents. One tiny little girl clutched something that resembled a doll bought for her by an agent. There are few provisions made to accommodate the children. The week before we were there, a delegation of agents went to meet with members of Congress, and begged them for additional money to buy Pampers, toothbrushes, and other necessities. They were turned down flat. These meager supplies have to be purchased with the border patrol budget, which is stretched to the limit.

I then walked up to a fenced area holding many skinny young men. An agent standing beside me asked if I would like to speak to them. He offered to translate for me, to which I replied, "Please tell them that God loves them." Then I said, "Now tell them that I love them, too." They smiled and waved timidly.

My heart aches for these poor people. Lest I be misunderstood, let me make clear that I am among the majority of Americans who want the border to be closed to those who attempt to enter illegally. There has to be a better solution than this. I have wondered, with you, why the authorities don't just deny these refugees access to this nation. Can't we just send them back to their places of origin? The answer I received was "No," for reasons I will explain.

Only 10 percent of the detainees are Mexicans. This year alone, people have come to our southern border from 127 countries, including Bangladesh, Pakistan, Turkey, India, China, Palestine, Albania, San Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras, and other nations around the world. They speak their native tongues, which means they can't be understood by each other or the staff. What are we to do with them? The Mexican government will not take them back, and there is no place to send them. Our current laws do not permit us to repatriate them to their country of origin. This is a disaster with no solution or projected conclusion.

Let me tell you how these desperate people come to be our responsibility. They are the lowest rung of many societies. They sell their shanties and any other possessions to scrape together $3,500 to $10,000 to pay "coyotes" to guide them. I don't know what happens to those who can't meet this demand. Apparently, most manage to pay the fee, and arrive penniless and profoundly needy. I was told that some of the vulnerable children are "recycled" repeatedly to help men gain entry to this country. An unknown number of these men are hardened criminals and drug runners, and they are difficult to identify. Most make their way across the border.

Here's something else you should know. I have been under the impression that these would-be immigrants try to cross the Rio Grande River and outrun or evade the agents. That is not true of most. They come in large groups, from 100 to 400 people at a time. As I write this letter, a record 1,200 people arrived together at El Paso. The refugees quickly give themselves up to agents. That is why they have made this journey. They know they will be fed, medicated, and treated humanely, even if they are in holding areas while they are in our custody. Then they will be released on American soil. This is the system set up by a liberal Congress and judges. It is a well-known fact that President Obama's administration established many of these unworkable policies, and Congress is steadfastly unwilling to change them. Every effort at reform has been overridden or ignored. It is set in stone. Democrats want massive numbers of immigrants who will someday become voters. Some Republicans support the policies because they want cheap labor for agricultural purposes. The border could be fixed, but there are very few in authority who seem to care.

Getting back to my story, our group of national faith leaders and humanitarian organizations was taken to a grassy park underneath the international bridges where the "coyotes" bring the refugees. We stood 50 feet away from them and watched as about 200 people sat on the ground. Then buses arrived to transport them to Border Control. Agents have to work fast because another group will be showing up soon, and then another and another. The would-be immigrants are taken to the center and given cursory medical exams. Then they are segregated by sex and age and placed in the fenced-in areas to be held for the next 20 days until they are processed and given a Notice to Appear. If that sounds inhumane, what would you or I do? There is simply no other place to "house" them.

Mismanagement of the border has a long history. A federal judge years ago issued a ruling called the Flores Settlement Agreement. It is still the source of many problems. It requires that any unaccompanied alien child must be released within 72 hours. This is now the law of the land, and poor people around the world know it. A single male typically seeks to find a child and a woman to help him "game the system." Clearly, many of these are "fake families," but there is no documentation in Pakistani or Bangladesh to challenge their claims. Lawyers at home have told them to claim that they are fleeing from oppression or seeking asylum. They are allowed to plead their cases to judges, but there are too few of them to keep up with the volume. These people are given a court case and released. The vast majority are never seen again. Most then become "anchor babies" who are citizens with rights to bring members of their families. Others are given transportation to an American city where they disappear into the culture.

In addition to this influx of people from places around the world steeped in poverty and despair, Senator Chuck Schumer authored and helped pass a "lottery" system, whereby winners are brought to the United States. They become permanent residents, who then begin bringing their families to our shores. Thank you, Senator.

Ten years ago, 90 percent of illegals apprehended at the border were single males, mainly from Mexico. Now, more than 50 percent show up with babies and children, and 90 percent of them are from countries other than Mexico with 64 percent being family units or unaccompanied alien children. Together, they claim to be "families" and within three weeks, they will be home free in America. Is there any doubt why there have been more than half a million illegal immigrants this year alone?

Before I conclude, I must tell you about the agents who have to deal with this chaos. They are compassionate men and women, sworn to uphold federal law and protect our borders.

They obviously care about the detainees, and I respect them highly. They work tirelessly feeding people three times a day and providing clean clothing. They must also maintain the portable toilets in the cells. It is a never-ending task. There are only two large showers in the facility, one for males, the other for females. Their capacity is for only 20 people at a time, which is insufficient.

The border patrol agents administer this program, but most of them didn't sign up to be caregivers. Agents were trained to patrol the border and apprehend drug runners, traffickers, smugglers, murderers, and every kind of lawbreaker. This is very dangerous work. But, please understand this: the border patrol agents are so busy caring for refugees seeking entry to the United States that they have very little time to police the borders. It is so porous that huge quantities of contraband, including all kinds of narcotics, flow into this country every day. Then it is transported northward to America's cities to be consumed by adolescents and millennials. Lawless gangs, such as MS-13, are also pouring into the culture, making violence for inner cities a way of life.

There is one more aspect to the work of the agents that you should know. They are openly hated by citizens who resent the work they do. They are routinely vilified and mocked and demonized. Their families are also subjected to ridicule. These agents need our appreciation and prayers. They have one of the most thankless jobs in America.

The situation I have described is the reason President Donald Trump's border wall is so urgently needed. He seems to be the only leader in America who comprehends this tragedy and is willing to address it. Those who oppose him do everything they can to impede his effort. That is why I went to the border to see the situation for myself. I came away with an array of intense emotions. First, I was profoundly grieved over the misery of thousands of people. Second, I felt a deep appreciation for those who are doing their best to help in an impossible circumstance. Third, and frankly, I was angry at the political fat cats who have deliberately allowed this chaos to occur for political or financial gain. They, and their friends in the fake media, have told the American people that there is no crisis at the border! Shame on them all.

What I've told you is only a glimpse of what is occurring on the nation's border. I don't know what it will take to change the circumstances. I can only report that without an overhaul of the law and the allocation of resources, millions of illegal immigrants will continue flooding to this great land from around the world. Many of them have no marketable skills. They are illiterate and unhealthy. Some are violent criminals. Their numbers will soon overwhelm the culture as we have known it, and it could bankrupt the nation. America has been a wonderfully generous and caring country since its founding. That is our Christian nature. But in this instance, we have met a worldwide wave of poverty that will take us down if we don't deal with it. And it won't take long for the inevitable consequences to happen.

Thanks for letting me set the record straight.

Dr. James Dobson's Signature
P.S. I want to conclude this disturbing account of the border situation with a suggested "action item" for the reader. There is one solution as I see it, which is for people of faith to pray for our President as he seeks to deal with this humanitarian crisis. He is facing enormous opposition from both political parties, the mainstream media, the entertainment industry, the judiciary, portions of agriculture, powerful lobbies, and virtually every dimension of the culture. I know of no one with political influence besides the President who seems to care about the crisis at the border. Will you join us in making it a matter for concerted prayer?


Those of us in Texas are aware of what kind of job our incredible Border Agents are doing! They have been saying for a number of years that they are overwhelmed. We must fix the system and once again encourage only those that come in through the front door!
Ted

Thursday, June 27, 2019

3 Points Of Conflict In Marriage

This was too good not to post. It speaks to men in marriage...

3 Points of Conflict in Marriage

By Dr. James Dobson


If I had one evening I could spend with any person, no one in the world would outrank my wife. We have grown in mutual understanding so that it is rarely necessary to quarrel and argue. Nevertheless, Shirley and I once had a dandy fight and three distinct concepts emerged which may assist you in your marriage.

1. Miscommunication results from differing assumptions.

I had assumed that my responsibilities as husband and father would not resume until I had been given a chance to rest and recuperate (after an extended work trip that took its toll on me). That was a reasonable expectation, but it happened to differ with Shirley's assumption. She felt that her duty at home was to end with my return, and that I would accept the burden from her weary shoulders with the rise of the Saturday sun. It was a reasonable supposition, but not in harmony with mine.

I should have said, "Shirley, I know you've had it rough here at home these past six weeks, and I intend to help you pull things together. But I'm going to ask you to understand me for a few more days. I'm more tired than I ever remember being, and I find it difficult to even engage in conversation. If you'll let me hole up for a few days...watch some football games and sleep...I'll pick up my domestic responsibilities the first part of next week."

Shirley would have understood this request and honored it. Likewise, if she had said to me, "Jim, these past six weeks have been extremely hectic here at home. I know you couldn't help it, but we've missed your presence here. Just as soon as possible, I need you to get involved with the kids, and for that matter, I want to be with you, too. And besides, there's one task I can't do that I would appreciate your handling Saturday morning. You see, the umbrella is dirty and--"

The brief explanation would have helped me understand Shirley's situation. But we allowed our differing assumptions to remain unspoken.

Bad marriages are saturated with differing assumptions between husbands and wives. Friction occurs where those diverse views collide. One of the purposes of marriage counseling is to work through differing points of view in search of compromise and harmony.

2. The hostility in many marriages is a direct expression of deep hurt. 


Returning to my conflict with Shirley, remember that neither of us sought to hurt the other person. Our initial anger was not motivated by malice or vindictiveness, but by a sense of having been wronged. That situation often underlies marital conflict. Being wounded in spirit gives birth to anger and resentment, leading to destructive words between husbands and wives.

Let's visit a couple in the midst of a terrible battle. She is screaming insults at him and he hurls the meanest concoctions back at her. Observers might be surprised to learn that their basic problem is not one of anger. They both have been hurt by the behavior of the other. The accusations they sling back and forth are merely reactions to the pain inside. Nevertheless, their words serve to deepen the original wounds and intensify the pain. It becomes a vicious cycle.

That cycle could be broken if one of the combatants could muster the courage to talk about his own pain, rather than increasing the discomfort of his partner.

"John, I cooked this delicious meal...spent three hours in the kitchen...Then you didn't even call to say you'd be late. It hurt my feelings and made me feel that you don't respect me."

John can receive that message without having to say hurtful things in response. But if Mary calls him "irresponsible, uncaring, heartless and just like your mother," then the battle lines are drawn. Understanding the dynamics of conflict can help lessen the hostility when disagreements occur.

3. Overcommitment is the Number One Marriage Killer.

Fatigue and time pressure undermine even the healthiest of marriages. How can a man and woman communicate with each other when they're too worn out even to talk? How can they enjoy sex when they are exhausted at the end of every day? How can they "date" one another or take walks or sit by a fire when they face the tyranny of an unfinished "to do" list?

From this vantage point, I have to admit that my fight with Shirley was primarily my fault. Not that I was wrong in wanting to rest after arriving home. But I was to blame for foolishly overcommitting my time during that period. The conflict would never have occurred if I had not scheduled myself wall to wall for six weeks. My lack of discipline in my work caused Shirley and me to become exhausted, which brought a chain reaction of negative emotions: irritability, self-pity, petulance, selfishness, and withdrawal. Few marriages can survive a long-term dose of that bitter medicine.

From Dr. Dobson's book, Straight Talk To Men.

Depend Fully On Jesus

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