I've been accused of being anti-marriage. I've even been told that I am a destroyer of Christian values because I advocate separation or divorce from Narcissists. It's also true I've had failed marriages but I wasn't the only failure in the marriage. However that does not excuse my portion to do all I could to save the marriage. I don't know how much was my portion in every case of failing but it doesn't matter now. The fact is a marriage that we swore an oath to God to protect is now ended. You see, we all carry baggage into our relationships and we tend to view everything about that relationship through the opaqueness of the garbage we carry. We can become almost myopic in the way we view relationships if we allow ourselves the luxury of being a judge of the other. However, being a judge requires us to judge ourselves through God's lens as well so that we are no longer being hypocritical. We have to stand on common ground before anything can ever be resolved.
I am still not advocating staying with your angry and childish Narcissist. You can try a trial separation and get counseling but the only way the counseling will work is if the other party is willing to humble themselves to work it through and admit their wrong-doing as well. It takes two to make a marriage work but it only takes one to destroy it. You could have the patience of Job and love of Jesus in your heart and still lose a marriage, especially if you are dealing with a myopic Narcissist who will only see themselves as being the only good thing in the marriage. The other way you can lose a marriage is by lying to yourself and blaming the other person for everything that is wrong within that marriage. You can refuse to put yourself on level ground and have an honest dialogue. People, the one impossible situation is that you cannot save a marriage with a narcissistic individual bent on making your life miserable just so they feel better about themselves, but you can save a marriage if you are both willing to start with the premise that we are both BROKEN and in need of God's help to make a relationship workable.
Now to those of you who have a marriage that is coming apart not because of narcissistic tendencies, but because we battle the enemy of our soul on three fronts, the world, the flesh and the devil then I would say there can be hope for a better marriage. It takes two words to make this union that is separating really work, that is realizing that we are both "BROKEN TOGETHER." Admitting we are all broken vessels because of traumatic events or frequent bad dialogue spoken unwisely to us in our past. You see by putting ourselves on equal ground there is room for dialogue...but we have to stay honest in that dialogue and our view of ourselves. I suggest you read these words and listen to this song to see how honestly you view your own failures to work through the problems of your marriage and then humbly as God to show you how to put it all back together. You may not save your marriage but you will understand just WHO you really trust when everything goes awry. I am hopeful that those of you, and me in particular, can be open to honest dialogue to see the wholeness that comes from a life poured out for your spouse and your spouse returning that openness in the same manner.
Do we honestly want to get well emotionally, spiritually, and have our relationships be all they can be? Find common ground and be honest with ourselves by realizing that we are BROKEN TOGETHER. God will give us more than we can bear...that is the truth! No where in the Bible do find the words that God will NOT give us more than we can bear...why? Because it is then that we really reach out and say to our God I can't do this alone. He will come alongside and help us with the most difficult things in life if we open ourselves to admitting we are broken and we have reached the end of our rope.
What do you think about when you look at me
I know we're not the fairytale you dreamed we'd be
You wore the veil, you walked the aisle, you took my hand
And we dove into a mystery
How I wish we could go back to simpler times
Before all our scars and all our secrets were in the light
Now on this hallowed ground, we've drawn the battle lines
Will we make it through the night?
It's gonna take much more than promises this time
Only God can change our minds
Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete
Could we just be broken together?
If you can bring your shattered dreams and I'll bring mine
Could healing still be spoken and save us?
The only way we'll last forever is broken together
How it must have been so lonely by my side
We were building kingdoms and chasing dreams and left love behind
I'm praying God will help our broken hearts align
And we won't give up the fight
It's gonna take much more than promises this time
Only God can change our minds
Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete
Could we just be broken together?
If you can bring your shattered dreams and I'll bring mine
Could healing still be spoken and save us?
The only way we'll last forever is broken together
Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete
Could we just be broken together?
If you can bring your shattered dreams and I'll bring mine
Could healing still be spoken and save us?
The only way we'll last forever is broken together
I know we're not the fairytale you dreamed we'd be
You wore the veil, you walked the aisle, you took my hand
And we dove into a mystery
How I wish we could go back to simpler times
Before all our scars and all our secrets were in the light
Now on this hallowed ground, we've drawn the battle lines
Will we make it through the night?
It's gonna take much more than promises this time
Only God can change our minds
Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete
Could we just be broken together?
If you can bring your shattered dreams and I'll bring mine
Could healing still be spoken and save us?
The only way we'll last forever is broken together
How it must have been so lonely by my side
We were building kingdoms and chasing dreams and left love behind
I'm praying God will help our broken hearts align
And we won't give up the fight
It's gonna take much more than promises this time
Only God can change our minds
Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete
Could we just be broken together?
If you can bring your shattered dreams and I'll bring mine
Could healing still be spoken and save us?
The only way we'll last forever is broken together
Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete
Could we just be broken together?
If you can bring your shattered dreams and I'll bring mine
Could healing still be spoken and save us?
The only way we'll last forever is broken together
Hear it here:
https://youtu.be/ZAAvPDgKf30
See you next blog,
Ted
