6 Qualities of an Encouraging Parent

By Dr. Eric Scalise

What is encouragement and why is it so essential for maintaining healthy marriages and families. Encouragement represents positive influence, to literally give courage to someone—not waiting until it's deserved or asked for, but taking initiative when things are difficult and uncertain. There are many synonyms one could use: to give support, confidence or hope to another; to hearten, cheer, uplift, inspire, motivate, vitalize, embolden, or rally. The impact can be far reaching and often makes a difference when relationships begin to falter. Even the neuroscience gives credence to this dynamic. Criticism and negativity release harmful stress hormones, inhibit concentration, diminish the brain's executive functioning, and tend to create knee-jerk reactions vs. calm and rational thinking.

The Bible provides a wonderful example of a life fully lived under this principle. His name was Barnabas and there are several lessons we can draw from his story. Here are six worth considering:

1. The first thing about an encourager is that he or she is practical.

Barnabas arrives on the scene in Acts 4:36-37. He was just a regular "Joe" (Joseph, a Levite), but his nature was so uplifting and encouraging, that the Apostles changed his name to fit his character—Bar (the Son of) Encouragement. He sold some land and laid the money at the Apostle's feet. Here were the leaders of the first century church who were trying to take care of widows and orphans, and what they needed at the time were financial resources—so practical in the moment.

While attending to someone spiritually is always appropriate and helpful, we shouldn't neglect looking for ways to encourage the people we love on practical levels as well. Perhaps you have heard the saying, "We can become so heavenly-minded, we are no earthly good." Imagine if your nickname was "husband" or "wife" of encouragement. . .father or mother of encouragement. Sometimes our spouse or child needs a simple hug, an act of service, a helping hand, or an arm around the shoulder that says, "I love you." Let your encouragement today be practical.

2. Second, an encourager is a risk taker.

In Acts 9:26-27, Barnabas stood up for Saul when no one else believed in his conversion and everyone was still afraid of him. He took a risk when others wanted to reject Saul for his behavior. Love has the ability to look past brokenness and pain, even sinful choices, and still see God at work in the midst of a situation. Loving and caring for someone can be risky and often requires us to be authentic and to move beyond our comfort zones.

Marriage and parenting offer numerous opportunities to forgive when we have been hurt or a sacred trust has been violated. Being open and transparent in a marital or family relationship, especially in sharing thoughts, emotions, hurts, etc., can mean stepping "outside the box." There are no guarantees that we will be immune from the storms of life on this side of eternity. However, in Christ, risks are frequently overcome with steps of faith. Take a risk today—encourage your loved one by being vulnerable.

3. Third, an encourager is committed.

When Barnabas was sent to Antioch and got among the people, the Scriptures says he began to encourage them with everything he had (Acts 11:19-24). The words describe him as having a "resolute heart." In the Greek, this is translated as prosthesis kardia, which literally means, "purposed in the will." This was part of who Barnabas was and his sense of calling.

In the same way, when we walk down the aisle with someone and pledge vows, or choose to bring a son or daughter into the world, we need to be committed as "all in" when it comes to our own role and responsibilities as spouses and parents. In some ways, success can be defined as falling down seven times and getting up eight. Great marriages and great parenting are not created by 50-50 commitments, thinking this represents a whole relationship, but after two people each give 100%. When Cortez landed in the New World, he burned his ships; it signified there was but one direction in moving forward. Find a way to encourage your spouse or a child that indicates you're all in.

4. Fourth, an encourager is others-centered.

Shortly after arriving in Antioch, Barnabas turned his thoughts toward his good friend, Saul (Acts 11:25-26). He knew he had to share this blessing and not be consumed with his own sense of self-importance. Inviting others into your journey underscores the reality that we were created by God in relationship and for relationship. He never intended for us to be alone and take a solo flight through life.

Marriages and families are composed of individuals who each have their own set of expectations, desires, hopes, dreams, and plans. We all need to grow in the practice of "relational gift-giving." Here, we can proactively choose to focus on our spouse or child and consider what would bless them, please them, support them, and draw them closer to God. Encourage your loved ones and make this moment, this hour, this day, a celebration of who they are.

5. Fifth, an encourager is available.

While in Antioch, the Lord commissioned and directed the very first missionary journey (Acts 13:1-3). Immediately, Barnabas and Paul made themselves available and were sent out. This implies an ongoing state of preparation and anticipation, a willingness to lay down one's own ideas, plans, and desires for the benefit of others. Leaders often understand more can depend on a person's availability before God than necessarily his or her ability.

Making ourselves available to the Lord, as well as to our spouses and children, can open up the doors of opportunity for deeper relationships, ministry, healing, and transformation. For many, time is one of the most valuable commodities in today's fast-paced world. Sharing it with a loved one is a wonderful gift. It says, "Here I am. . .for you. . .for us. To listen, to care, to serve." The power of presence should never be underestimated. God can accomplish much in a marriage or family through vessels who are fully yielded to Him. Be an encourager and offer yourself in love.

6. Finally, an encourager is patient.

During the first missionary journey, Barnabas took along his young cousin, John Mark, who later left them in the middle of the trip. On a subsequent journey when Paul suggested they visit all the churches that were started, Barnabas wanted Mark to join them once again. However, Paul accused Mark of desertion and he and Barnabas had such a significant argument, they parted company. Paul took Silas and Barnabas took Mark (Acts 15:36-40). Barnabas remained patient and longsuffering with his cousin.

There are times when loving someone means standing with him or her in the middle of major mistakes and shortcomings. The first descriptor of love is that it is patient (1 Cor. 13). We have all probably heard incredible testimonies that speak to the power of a praying mother. Who will continue believing in, advocating for, and supporting our spouse, son or daughter? Encourage that family member through your unwavering, patient, and unconditional love.

As I close, let us examine the fruit of encouragement. In 2 Timothy 4:11, Paul is imprisoned and in the twilight of his life on the earth. He says, "Only Luke is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry." Later, in 1 Peter 5:13, when writing to the believers who were scattered because of persecution, Peter says, "She who is in Babylon, chosen together with you, sends you her greetings, and so does my son Mark."

Even though we hear very little about Barnabas or Mark after they parted company with Paul, these verses reveal that somewhere along the journey, this young disciple "made it." The one who had failed miserably, moved into a place of responsibility and maturity. Here, we see the two preeminent Apostles of the first century who are strongly supportive and complimentary of Mark—Paul saying he was useful to him and Peter referring to him as a son in the faith. God Himself allowed Mark to write one of the four Gospels. Although Scripture is largely silent on the matter, I believe the fact that Mark was able to work through whatever issues he had, was because Barnabas refused to give up on him and was willing to stick it out during the long journey.

You potentially may be the most influential person in your spouse's or child's life. . .in the best position to support, pray for, believe in, and journey with him or her in all the ups and downs. The gift of encouragement is within you right now. May the outcome be as equally transforming as it was for John Mark.

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The Hardest One To Forgive

God promises to forgive us of our sins, but we often have trouble forgiving ourselves, so how can we learn to forgive ourselves when we are consumed with guilt?

Forgiveness
There are so many Bible verses on forgiveness that it is hard to select only a few, but here are some of the most powerful ones that I could find. One of these verses I’ve memorized because of what it means to me, but later, I found this verse gives comfort to those who feel they’ve committed some “unpardonable sin.” Its 1 John 1:9 which reads, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” I have memorized this verse because I frequently have to remind people who are so overly burdened with guilt that they believe that God cannot forgive them. They feel they’ve committed sins so grievous that even God cannot forgive them, but what they’re doing is placing their feelings over facts. They trust what they feel instead of trusting what they read, and that includes the Apostle Paul writing that it was “For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God” (2 Cor 5:21). Whoever has the righteousness of Christ is not condemned (Rom 8:1-2). Period.

It is Finished
When Jesus said, “It is finished,” we understand that in the original language, He was saying that He had accomplished His mission, living in complete obedience to the Law, living a sinless life of perfection, taking upon Himself the curse that the Law had upon us, and removed the wrath that was due us for breaking God’s Law, but for those who trust in Him, they receive the very same righteousness that Jesus Christ has. That righteousness has been imputed to them. Since God had made Jesus to be sin for us, and that we received the righteousness of Christ, do we really want to believe that His sacrifice was not enough for what we’ve done? Wasn’t Jesus sacrifice sufficient for all and efficient for those who believe? What God has made righteous, is righteous. If you feel that you cannot be declared righteous in Christ, then you are saying Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection was not enough. When Jesus says “It’s finished,” believe Him, it’s finished!

Forgiving Others
Maybe you find it easy to forgive others…but can’t reach that point with yourself, but what if your child came up to you and asked for your forgiveness after doing something they were told not to do? You may have to discipline them, but then it’s forgiven, right? You put it behind you. You don’t keep bringing it up day after day, because if you do, you’ve never really forgiven them. Now if you’ve forgiven them, and the very next day the child comes back to you and asks to be forgiven again, and does that day after day, you’d get a little frustrated, wouldn’t you, but often that’s just what we do. We keep bring up these same sins, over and over again, even though God has promised that once we confess them, they’re gone (1 John 1:9). This is frequently the work of the Devil or his fallen angels. Let me ask you this: How many of your sins were still in the future when Christ died? The answer is, all of them. If you keep asking to be forgiven for the same sins, over and over again, you don’t understand forgiveness. Bury it. Have the funeral.

Paying off the Note
Imagine that you’ve made car payments for the last 48 months, and you finally made the last payment. The car is now all yours, but then next month you get another notice from the bank. They want another payment. Wouldn’t you be angry? You’d march right down to that bank and give them proof! Now, just think how God must feel if you keep dragging up the same sins over and over again? Jesus has paid in full what we still want to make payments on. When we don’t forgive ourselves after God already has, that’s what we’re doing. The truth is, “we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ” (Rom 5:1) so why can’t we be at peace with ourselves? The Justifier (God) has become our justification, and so if you insist on not forgiving yourself, you are saying, “Sorry Jesus, it’s just not enough.” Jesus’ death was intended “to show his righteousness at the present time, so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus” (Rom 3:26), so since Christ wants to “show his righteousness,” why would we ever want to get in the way of His displaying it!? That robs Christ of glory! Remember, guilt is from the Devil. Conviction is from the Holy Spirit. When sins are confessed, neither guilt nor conviction should remain. God says that our sins are removed as far as east is from west (Psalm 103:12).

Conclusion
Is our standard of forgiving ourselves higher than Gods? It might be. If God says you are cleansed, you are forgiven. That means your sins will never again be held you again. Your sins and mine may affect our rewards when we enter into the kingdom, but never our being allowed to enter into the kingdom. Sin will hurt our fellowship with God but it can never permanently destroy our relationship with Him. Would your child ever cease being your child if they sinned greatly against you? We may not realize it, but not forgiving ourselves could be a matter of pride. Why do we follow God’s command to forgive others, but then not forgive ourselves? God has promised that our sins are forgiven. If God’s brought us to repentance, and we have confessed our sins to Him, and been cleansed from all unrighteousness, and then placed our trust in Christ, how can we still not forgive ourselves? Remember, it was “For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God” (2 Cor 5:21).

Article by Jack Wellman
Jack Wellman is Pastor of the Mulvane Brethren Church in Mulvane Kansas. Jack is a writer at Christian Quotes and also the Senior Writer at What Christians Want To Know whose mission is to equip, encourage, and energize Christians and to address questions about the believer’s daily walk with God and the Bible. You can follow Jack on Google Plus or check out his book Teaching Children the Gospel available on Amazon.

Angry Women and Passive Men

By Dr. James Dobson

The problem has its origins in childhood, long before a young man and woman stand at the altar to say, "I do." For her part, the girl is taught subtly by her culture that marriage is a lifelong romantic experience; that loving husbands are entirely responsible for the happiness of their wives; that a good relationship between a man and woman should be sufficient to meet all needs and desires; and that any sadness or depression that a woman might encounter is her husband's fault. At least, he has the power to eradicate it if he cares enough. In other words, many American women come into marriage with unrealistically romantic expectations which are certain to be dashed. Not only does this orientation set up a bride for disappointment and agitation in the future; it also places enormous pressure on her husband to deliver the impossible.

Unfortunately, the man of the house was taught some misconceptions in his formative years, too. He learned, perhaps from his father, that his only responsibility is to provide materially for his family. He must enter a business or profession and succeed at all costs, climbing the ladder of success and achieving an ever-increasing standard of living as proof of manhood. It never occurs to him that he is supposed to "carry" his wife emotionally. For Pete's sake! If he pays his family's bills and is a loyal husband, what more could any woman ask for? He simply doesn't understand what she wants.

Inevitably, these differing assumptions collide head-on during the early years of marriage. Young John is out there competing like crazy in the marketplace, thinking his successes are automatically appreciated by the lady at home. To his shock, she not only fails to notice, but even seems to resent the work that takes him from her. "I'm doing it for you, babe!" he says. Diane isn't convinced.

What gradually develops from that misunderstanding is a deep, abiding anger on Diane's part, and a bewildered disgust from John. This pattern has been responsible for a million divorces in the past decade. The wife is convinced that her low self-esteem and her unhappiness are the result of her husband's romantic failures. With every year that passes, she becomes more bitter and hostile at him for giving so little of himself to his family. She attacks him viciously for what she considers to be his deliberate insults, and bludgeons him for refusing to change.

John, on the other hand, does not have it within him to satisfy her needs. He didn't see it modeled by his father and his masculine, competitive temperament is not given to romantic endeavors. Besides, his work takes every ounce of energy in his body. It is a total impasse. There seems to be no way around.

In the early years, John tries to accommodate Diane occasionally. At other times, he becomes angry and they slug it out in a verbal brawl. The following morning, he feels terrible about those fights. Gradually, his personality begins to change. He hates conflict with his wife and withdraws as a means of avoidance. What he needs most from his home (like the majority of men) is tranquility. Thus, he finds ways of escaping. He reads the paper, watches television, works in his shop, goes fishing, cuts the grass, plays golf, works at his desk, goes to a ball game- anything to stay out of the way of his hostile wife. Does this pacify her? Hardly! It is even more infuriating to have one's anger ignored.

Here she is, screaming for attention and venting her hostility for his husbandly failures. And what does he do in return? He hides. He becomes more silent. He runs. The cycle has become a vicious one. The more anger she displays for his un-involvement, the more detached he becomes. This inflames his wife with each greater hostility. She has said everything there is to say and it produced no response. Now she feels powerless and disrespected. Every morning he goes off to work where he can socialize with his friends, but she is stuck in this state of emotional deprivation.

When a relationship has deteriorated to this point, the wife often resorts to some very unfortunate tactics. She begins to look for ways to hurt her husband in return. She embarrasses him by telling his business associates what a cad he is at home. She refuses to attend office functions or provide any other support for his occupation. She tells stories about him to their church associates. She shuts him down sexually and undermines his relationship with the children. To be sure, she can be a formidable opponent in the art of infighting. No one on the face of the earth could hurt John more deeply than his own wife.

Let me make it clear that I'm not condemning this woman out of hand. She has a good case against her husband. He doesn't meet her needs properly and he's an inveterate workaholic. To that extent, the man is guilty as charged. I attempted to express this feminine perspective in my book What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women, because I believe it is valid.

But every story has two sides, and John's version should also be told. His wife is wrong to believe that her contentment is exclusively his burden. No one should be expected to carry another person emotionally. Only Diane can make herself happy! She has no right to lay that total load on John. A good marriage is one in which the dominant needs are met with the relationship, but where each spouse develops individual identity, interests and friendships. This may be the most delicate tightrope act in marriage. Extreme independence is as destructive to a relationship as total dependence.

I remember counseling a bright young lady whom I'll call Janet. She came to me because she seemed to be losing the affection of her husband. Frank appeared bored when he was at home and he refused to take her out with him. On weekends, he went sailing with his friends despite the bitter protests of his wife. She had begged for his attention for months, but the slippage continued.

I hypothesized that Janet was invading Frank's territory and needed to recapture the challenge that made him want to marry her. Thus, I suggested that she retreat into her own world--stop "reaching" for him when he was at home--schedule some personal activities independently of his availability, etc. Simultaneously, I urged her to give him vague explanations about why her personality had changed. She was instructed not to display anger or discontent, allowing Frank to draw his own conclusions about what she was thinking. My purpose was to change his frame of reference. In stead of his thinking, "How can I escape from this woman who is driving me crazy,' I wanted him to wonder, "What's going on? Am I losing Janet? Have I pushed her too far? Has she found someone else?"

The results were dramatic. About a week after the change of manner was instituted, Janet and Frank were at home together one evening. After several hours of uninspired conversation and yawns, Janet told her husband that she was rather tired and wanted to go to bed. She said goodnight matter-of-factly and went to her bedroom. About thirty minutes later, Frank threw open the door and turned on the light. He proceeded to make passionate love to her, later saying that he couldn't stand the barrier that had come between them. It was precisely that barrier which Janet had complained about for months. Her approach had been so overbearing that she was driving him away from her. When she changed her direction, Frank also threw his truck in reverse. It often happens that way. 

This was just too good to pass up. If think the women who wear the pink pussy hats are angry...your right. Some of it is justified...some of it is just pure BS. However, we do have a duty to understand each other's needs and do our homework. We can't be each other's happiness because it doesn't last but we can become good communicators and good listeners especially.

See you next blog,

Ted

No Condemnation...in Christ Jesus!

I am unconcerned whether you like this or not but it is the TRUE gospel handed down from our early church fathers. It's true there are religions that call this EASY BELIEVIESM. It is NOT. Everyone is NOT going to heaven! Yes, heaven exists! The price to get in is BLOOD. Not yours, but HIS! Jesus said HE is the WAY, the TRUTH, and the LIFE and no man will see the Father except through Him! 

Sometimes we allow the enemy to speak to our minds to put ourselves in prison over our mistakes, but God, our Father sees that His Son Jesus fulfilled the whole law in that we were unable to do so for ourselves. His sacrifice, the word of God says, was made once for all (who would believe). Read the prayer in John 17 that Jesus himself prayed for us! He will never abandon His own! We are kept by His Spirit until the day of redemption-SEALED like an envelope from King of Kings! It is unlawful in this world to break a king's seal, neither we nor Satan has the power or authority to break His seal on our hearts! 

For those that think the doctrine of eternal security is ANATHEMA, I have a simple question? When you came to Jesus Christ and confessed your sins and asked Him into your heart did you mean it? If yes, don't you think God knew every sin you would commit before your final day on earth? Don't you believe he knew every failure you would have? Did he still accept you? YES! But even better, because of what our Savior did on that cross and rose victorious over death and hell, we stand not condemned because He was the perfect payment, the perfect sacrifice that God, our Father had always intended. Concerned about Christians bearing fruit? A real Christian will not because we browbeat them to do so, but because of their love for a LOVING God.

It is not about us...it is about what God did to bridge the gap between us and Him through Christ our Lord. There are churches and other religions what want men to pay the price daily that only Christ himself could pay to redeem us. True Christianity is that God reached down to man to bring him to Himself rather than man trying to reach God. The proof of Jesus in our lives is the fruit we produce because He first loved us and gave us gifts. God isn't interested in us jumping through hoops to prove ourselves, we will perform what needs to be done because we love Him. He chooses to fill us with His Spirit that we would desire Him and give the gospel to those in need because of His great love for us. His tests are not to condemn us for our deficits but instead to strengthen us.
pro·pi·ti·ate  (pr-psh-t)
tr.v. pro·pi·ti·at·ed, pro·pi·ti·at·ing, pro·pi·ti·ates
To conciliate (an offended power); appease: propitiate the gods with a sacrifice.


No Condemnation-Pastor Ray Pritchard
Romans 8:1

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).

A few days ago I posted a Facebook status update that was actually a quote taken from this sermon:

“For those who are in Christ Jesus, now, today, not tomorrow, not next week, not next year, but NOW, there is no condemnation.”

That status update turned out to be very popular with a great many people clicking the “Like” button. A pastor friend wrote this comment: “Just what I needed to hear Ray. Thanks!” Someone else added, “So grateful!” I noted that when I first wrote that comment I prefaced it with this sentence:

“This is the best news you ever heard.”

But it is not always easy to believe. In early March I was driving late at night from Tupelo to Nashville on my way to the National Religious Broadcasters convention. To keep myself awake, I tuned in to a Christian station somewhere in central Tennessee and listened to several programs. One of them included an interview with Tullian Tchividjian, the Senior Pastor of Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, in which he discussed the importance of preaching the gospel to yourself every day. He said something like this (I’m paraphrasing from memory) during the interview:

“Often we make the mistake of thinking that the gospel is simply what we believe in order to be saved. We hear it, we believe it, and we are born again. Though we wouldn’t say it this way, we often act like that gospel has no further relevance to us. It gets us ‘in the door,’ so to speak, but it’s not part of our daily life.”

Tullian said we need to preach the gospel to ourselves every day because we forget it every day:

“Or, as Martin Luther so aptly put it in his Lectures on Romans, ‘To progress is always to begin again.’ Real spiritual progress, in other words, requires a daily going backward” (From What to Preach to Yourself Every Day).

The same day I posted that status update I received this note from a friend:

“I have a question about ‘no condemnation.’ How can we feel that there is no condemnation when we are continually told that God tests us? I always feel that I have failed His tests and live under this feeling that I am a constant disappointment to God.”

That’s honest, isn’t it? I think we’ve all felt that way at one time or another. Here is my answer:

Okay, there are three things going on in what you wrote:

1. “I am continually being tested.” True.

2. “I always feel that I have failed his tests.” You may feel that way but it is not true. You have passed many of them, probably more than you think, but it’s natural to think as you do. If we get 7 As and 1 D- on our report card, we’ll focus exclusively on the D- and not on the A’ s.

3. “I’m a constant disappointment to God.” Not true. Can’t be true if Romans 8:1 is true. What you probably mean is that you are a disappointment to yourself because you haven’t lived up to your own high standards and your life isn’t what you thought it would be at this point.

How do we fit all this together? First, we have to accept that what God says about us is true. If he says “Not condemned,” then we are truly not condemned. That means nothing can ever separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus. Not even our own foolish and repeated mistakes.

Second, God’s tests are not meant to destroy us but to reveal our weakness so that we will learn to trust him more. In God’s economy, failure is the back door to success.

Third, we aren’t the best judges of where we stand spiritually. On our good days, we’re not as hot as we think we are. On our bad days, we’re not as yucky as we think we are. Better that we should give up trying to rate ourselves and try to be faithful every day.

Fourth, life is always a mixture of success and failure. We get a little success to give us hope and a little failure (sometimes a lot!) to teach us humility and to develop our trust in God.

I recommend that you write out Romans 8:1, stick it where you can see it, and repeat it every day. It’s the foundation of all spiritual progress. It’s easy to believe it for someone else, harder to believe it for ourselves so we need the constant reminder that in Christ we are eternally and always “not condemned” by God.

With that as background, let’s consider what this verse really means.

Three Tremendous Truths

What do we discover when we move from the last part of Romans 7 to the first part of Romans 8? I would suggest in these verses we discover three great truths about our Christian experience.

I. There is a struggle in the Christian life. 

That sentence summarizes Romans 7:14-25. Do you remember what Paul said? He said, “In my mind, I want to please God. But there is something in me that makes me want to do the opposite.” Over and over again he says, “That which I would do, I do not do. That which I hate, I do.” We all understand that, don’t we? In the morning we get up and say, “Lord, this is your day and I’m going to be your servant and do your will today.” So we set our goal to accomplish a certain number of things that we know will be pleasing to God. Then as we go through the day, we don’t do number one, we halfway do number two, we skip number three, we get most of number four, and we don’t do number five at all. Then we say, “Lord, with your help, I’m not going to lose my temper.” We lose it by 9:00 A.M. “Lord, help me with my critical spirit.” At 10:30 A.M. we’re slicing and dicing. “Lord, help me not to gossip.” By the time we get to 1:30 P.M. we’ve blown that one too. The very thing we said we were going to do, we don’t do. The thing we said we’d never do, we do. Some of us have lived that experience this week.

I want to make a couple of points about that. Number one, Romans 7 is Paul’s autobiography of his experience as a Christian believer. I don’t agree with those who see Romans 7 as either a defeated or subnormal Christian or as a non-Christian or as a person under conviction. I believe that Romans 7 is simply one stage, one part of the normal Christian experience. I do not believe that Romans 7 is the total story of the Christian life. However, I do not believe that we should throw it out and say it has no bearing on us today. Let’s be honest. You can be a very great Christian as the Apostle Paul was, and you can at the same time struggle a great deal in your walk with God. Paul is just being honest. He’s saying that even though he was an apostle, he felt a struggle between his desire to please God and the pull of his flesh.

Romans 7 describes a struggle which is part of your walk with God. Thank God, it is not the whole story, but it is one part of the story. That’s why when Paul says in verse 24, "O wretched man that I am,” I understand him. He’s not just talking about himself. He’s talking about me and he’s talking about you.

We struggle in many different ways. For instance, we struggle with what we know and what we actually do. We also struggle between our better desires and our lesser desires. We struggle between what we know God wants us to do and what we would rather do if God would just leave us alone. We struggle all the time, torn this way and that way. That’s part of what it means to live in this sin-cursed world.
Some people don’t want to hear that truth. They wish I would say that struggle should not be a part of the Christian life. I can’t do that. It wouldn’t be true to what I believe the Word of God says. Anyone who tells you that struggle does not belong in the Christian life actually has a non-Biblical view of what it means to live the Christian life. I think that if Paul struggled, we will struggle too. If Paul felt he was being pulled this way and that, the same thing will happen to us.

I don’t believe that Romans 7 is the full explanation for Paul’s dynamic spiritual life. I’m simply pointing out that the truth of Romans 7 is part and parcel of what it means to be a follower of Jesus Christ. There is a time to struggle. Sometimes people come to Christ and then they get upset because things don’t go well for them. They get upset because they have relationship difficulties, financial difficulties, personal difficulties, emotional difficulties, marital difficulties, problems in different areas in life. They get discouraged, they get disillusioned, they get angry with God and wonder what’s wrong with them. Often there’s nothing deeply wrong with you if you’re going through a period of struggle. It’s just “part and parcel” of what it means to live on this earth. So, that’s point number one from Romans 7. There is a struggle in the Christian life.

II. That struggle is without condemnation. 

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” That verse should be understood as the topic verse for all of Romans 8.Everything he says—all the way through verse 39—is simply a restatement of “No condemnation” all the way down to the end of the chapter.

It’s interesting to read this verse in Greek. When Paul wrote it, he used a different word order. When the New Testament writers wanted to emphasize a particular word, they would put it at the first part of the sentence. That was their way of saying, “This is important. Notice this. Pay attention to it."

In the Greek, the first word is not “therefore.” The first word is not “there.” The first word is not “is.” The first word is not “now.” The first word in this verse in Koine Greek is the word “no.” The fifth word in our translation is first in the original because Paul wants to emphasize in the strongest possible way that there is no condemnation. That’s why he took the word “no” and moved it to the front. There is, therefore, no condemnation. You might translate it this way: “There is no condemnation—none whatsoever—for the believer in Christ Jesus."

Let me see if I can explain what it doesn’t mean. Then I’ll try to tell you what I think it does mean. He is not saying there is therefore now no cause for condemnation. That wouldn’t be true. You fail and I fail. You stumble and I stumble. You fall and I fall. You get off the path and so do I. Sometimes we’re just barely making it. Paul is not saying there is no cause for condemnation in us because if God were to look down from heaven and were to judge you moment by moment, he’d find plenty of cause for condemnation in you. So that’s not what he’s saying.

Is Paul saying, “There is, therefore now, no failure for those who are in Christ Jesus?” No.
Is he saying, “There is, therefore now, no struggle for those who are in Christ Jesus?” No.
Is he saying, “There is, therefore now, no stumbling for those who are in Christ Jesus?” No.

He is saying there is, therefore now, no condemnation, no punishment, no coming into judgment, no penal servitude for the follower of Jesus Christ.

Do you know what that means? We may stumble, we may fall, we may trip, we may make a thousand mistakes, we may sin and we do, we may get off the path, we may go astray, we may have a thousand problems, but for the believer in Jesus Christ, there is no condemnation because God has said it is so. You can struggle, but you’re not condemned. You can fall, but you’re not condemned. You can trip, but you’re not condemned. You can stray from the path, but you are not condemned because God has said he will not condemn those who are in Christ Jesus.

When Jesus saved you, he didn’t say he would take away all your problems. No, but he did say this. In your problems, there is no condemnation. In your struggles, there is no condemnation. In your failure, there is no condemnation. In your going astray, there is no condemnation.

Good News for Prodigal Sons

What does it mean, then? First, it means there is no rejection of the believer.God is not going to reject you just because you struggle. Most of us know the lovely story of the Prodigal Son. He was in his father’s house and went off to the far country. There he gave himself to riotous living, spent all his inheritance, and ended up in the pig pen. He hit the very bottom. The son who had it all went from top to bottom. Left his family, squandered his inheritance and is now living with the pigs. Dr. J. Vernon McGee asked, “What is the difference between a pig and a man in a pig pen? The pig just keeps on eating the husks. After a while, the man says ’I will arise and go to my father.’"

Where was the father when the son returned home? Not in the house. He was out on the road coming to meet him. It’s a picture of our experience as believers. There is no rejection for those who are in Christ Jesus. Even those who wander from the path, even those who stray, even those who have been living for a long time in the far country and are embarrassed because they have squandered the spiritual inheritance of God’s kingdom. You are scared to death to turn back because you think God’s going to condemn you. Remember, God already knows everything you’ve done and everything you’ve dreamed of doing. He loves you anyway. You’re still in his family. The moment you say, “I will arise and go to my father,” in that very moment he will say, “Kill the fatted calf. Let’s have a party. My son who was lost has been found. He was away, but now he’s come home."

So what do we do when we fail? Sometimes we make the same dumb mistakes over and over again. What then? We repent, by God’s grace our eyes are opened to see what we have done, we change our minds, we stop making excuses, we confess to God and to others, we seek God’s help, we ask others to help us, and we ask God to help us as we move forward.

My friend who wrote that note struggles at this very point. We think, “I’m a failure,” and so we conclude that God must hate us. Our sin separates us from a close walk with God, but it cannot reverse the divine proclamation of “No condemnation.” Tullian Tchividjian says it this way:

Christian growth, in other words, does not happen first by behaving better but believing better–believing in bigger, deeper, brighter ways what Christ has already secured for sinners.

It’s hard for us to believe that God really loves us.
Especially when we take a good look in the mirror.
Most of us have moments when we look at ourselves and say, “There is plenty of condemnation for you, buster!”
But that is not what God says.
God says, “No condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
Are we willing to believe what God has said?
We sometimes sing the beloved invitation hymn that goes like this:

Jesus paid it all, all to him I owe,
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.
Do we believe what we sing?
Do we believe that Jesus really paid it all?
If so, there can be no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
Charles Spurgeon says it quite simply:
“If our debt was paid, it was paid, and there is an end of it; a second payment cannot be demanded.”
Is Jesus enough for you?

Right Between His Legs
Second, there’s no punishment. There’s discipline and there’s correction, which may be very painful (see Hebrews 12:4-11), but there’s no harsh, abusive punishment. Many years ago when our boys were very young, we spent hours teaching them how to play baseball. It is amazing to go watch little kids play ball. You see kids at bat and the ball comes six feet over their head and they’re swinging at it. Then a ball comes right down the middle and they just stand there. The coach says “Stay!” and they start running. The coach says “Run!” and they stay put.

I remember one game where the coach told one of the outfielders, “Move up, come on, move up.” The kid didn’t want to. So the coach moved him up. You could just see the terror on his face. And Babe Ruth is at the plate. He takes this mighty swing and BOOM! there goes the ball. The outfielder is petrified! He can’t move and the ball goes right through his legs. The tears well in his eyes and he’s trying to blink them back. The coach who moved him up said, “That’s all right! That’s OK! Nice try!” What do you mean nice try? He didn’t even move a muscle! But at least it didn’t hit him in the face. “Nice try. You’ll catch it next time!” A shy, half-grin spreads across his face, as if to say, “Yeah, I did pretty good, didn’t I?"

That’s what God does when we fail. He helps us back up, he tells us where we went wrong, and he puts us back in the game. That’s what Paul means when he says there is no condemnation for those who are in Jesus Christ. Some Christians go through life with a heavy load of guilt not just because they struggle but because they feel condemned by God. They feel like God hates them. But he doesn’t. His thoughts toward us are thoughts of love. Even when he must discipline us severely, he does it for our own good. Even his chastising is for our ultimate benefit.

I don’t know of any truth more important, more satisfying, or more liberating than the great truth that for those who know Jesus Christ, there is no condemnation. 
Why? Because Jesus paid it all.
Why? Because your sins are gone.
Why? Because Jesus condemned sin by his death on the cross.
If he condemned sin by his death on the cross, God will never condemn you.
The devil condemns us day and night and whispers in our ear, “Condemned! Condemned!”
God says, “No condemnation!”
Who are you going to believe? The devil or God?
You’ll have to make up your own mind, but I’m going to believe what God has said.

Dr. Donald Grey Barnhouse has a great statement in one of his sermons about the practical effect this truth ought to have in your life:
“A soul that comes to the full realization that he ought to be in hell but that in reality the Lord Jesus took his hell, and that there is therefore, now,now, NOW, no condemnation for him because he is in Christ Jesus, is likely to be quite moved by the truth. If the members of the human race are permitted to yell because their team won a football team, because their candidate won an election, because they have won fifty dollars on a horse race, because their drilling has produced a gusher, let us shout for joy because we are in Christ Jesus, there is, therefore, no condemnation for us NOW.” (God’s Heirs, p. 4-5)
I can’t think of a better, more encouraging spiritual truth that I could share with you. For those who are in Christ Jesus, now, today, not tomorrow, not next week, not next year, but NOW, there is no condemnation.

Three Things That Remain True in the Midst of Your Struggles
You ARE eternally secure.(oh I bet there are people cringing at that one)
You can never lose your salvation if you are a believer in Jesus Christ because there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Here is the great good news of the gospel: What God demands, he supplies.

He demands a perfect sacrifice for sin, and he provided that PERFECTsacrifice in the death of his Son. Listen to me carefully. If a child of God ever goes to hell, God will be a liar because God has said there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

You are internally free.

You’re not bound anymore. God doesn’t have you on a performance standard in order to earn his grace. His grace is a gift, freely given. Let’s hear Spurgeon one more time on this grand topic:

“You may preach the demands of the law as long as you like, and tell men that they must merit salvation, and you will only make them worse and worse. But go and proclaim the dying love of Jesus; tell them that free grace reigns and that undeserved mercy saves the sinner through faith in Christ, and that the moment he believes in Jesus there is no condemnation to him, and you shall see miracles accomplished” (From the sermon “In Christ No Condemnation.”)
You are positionally perfect.

When God looks at you, he sees Jesus Christ, and he credits you with all that is said about his Son. Who is it that is not condemned? Those who are “in” Christ Jesus. When it comes to salvation, there are only two places you can be. You’re either outside of Christ or you’re in Christ. You are either outside of Jesus Christ and on your own, or you are in Christ and you are saved.

If you are outside of Christ, you have been condemned already (John 3:18). If you are in Christ, you are not condemned. If you are outside of Christ, judgment is still in front of you in the future. But if you are in Christ, your judgment is behind you, in the past. That’s why there can be no condemnation if you’re in Christ. You’ve already been judged. You trusted Christ by his death on the cross took the judgment meant for you.

Where are you right now?
Are you outside of Christ and lost or are you in Christ and safe?

I urge you with all of my heart, with every fiber of my being, if you are not sure, if you do not know where you stand, run to Jesus Christ and embrace the cross. If you are outside of Christ, come by faith to Jesus.
When you come, you will discover the most liberating truth in the world—that in Christ there is no condemnation.