After we were herded onto the plane at the airport, the sergeant paid special attention to where I was sitting and made it point to let me know he was watching me. I nodded, smiling, and said that I recognized his God status for the next few weeks. He looked at me and said, "you don't even know the half of it, son! I have plans for your future and when it is all said and done I guess we will find out what you're made of. You won't be smiling very much longer, I promise!" He kept his word.
It was a very warm August night when the plane landed in lovely El Paso, Texas. I grew up in Texas and was very familiar with summer nights that could be oppressive, but believe me when I tell you that my mother's oven had nothing over that El Paso night. The sergeant had somehow spawned a bevy of sergeants at the troop unloading area. They were thick as flies over cow dung and all of them shouting orders. Chaos is a word that comes to mind for a new recruit listening to all of the screaming orders we heard that night. However, my favorite drill sergeant had somehow brought order out of chaos as we loaded the troop buses for our trip to the base.
Arriving at 9:00PM at night to the base, we were ordered off the buses and told to stand in straight line in front of the bus. We had a glimpse of what close-order drill was going to be like as we measured-off of our arms distance to the man next to us and then were ordered to close ranks again. This exercise we repeated several times while we were individually humiliated for our dress, our hair styles, and our overall shabby appearance. The first thing we learned was how to tell military time. I was asked what time it was, "Sir, according to my Timex watch it is 9:28PM! I said this and was very proud of the fact that I knew my watch was accurate because I had checked the time at the airport terminal.
"GAWDDAMMITT WERE YOU JUST BORN STUPID OR JUST HAVE A SUDDEN ATTACK OF IT? What did I tell you about calling me sir, you stupid maggot? What is your name?"
"Ted, sir...uh I mean Sergeant, I replied hastily. I would also like the sergeant to know I have a very well developed brain."
"JESUSCHRISTSONOFGOD, I am your drill sergeant, DO YOU UNDERSTAND? YOU DO NOT HAVE A FIRST NAME ANYMORE PRIVATE AND I WILL TELL YOU WHAT KIND OF BRAIN YOU HAVE FROM NOW ON...DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"
While I knew that the territory I stood in was fully owned by the drill instructors, I still felt it was my responsibility to correct wrong thinking. I nodded in the affirmative and told him that my mother and father would be upset to hear that. I explained that I had been up since 5:30 that morning and was just tired which is why I forgot to call him by his proper name.
"DAMMIT MAGGOT you will learn that it was zero five-thirty that you were up at. Earlier you made another BIG ONE when I asked you what time it was. It is now twenty-forty-one hours according to my Bulova watch...and I assure you I have taken way your first name for the duration of your stay at my facility. You will find that you are not even an individual anymore when I am done with you PRIVATE!"
I pointed out that at the time he asked for the time was, in fact, 9:28PM, and had he not spent the last twelve minutes chewing us out, I would have been correct. THAT DID IT! THAT WAS THE STRAW THAT BROKE THE CAMEL'S BACK!
"DROP NOW AND GIVE ME TWENTY! THEY BETTER LOOK MILITARY TOO, MAGGOT!"
After giving a very almost military brace at attention I dropped and gave the required twenty push-ups. The drill sergeant placed his hand under my chest and counted off. I felt I had done a pretty proficient job but that was not his opinion. So he took a consensus and asked the assembly of new recruits if they thought I gave the proper military push-up? The answer was, of course, meant to intimidate the group into agreeing with what came next. It worked in my disfavor and I gave thirty more push-ups with a very tired and over-heated body. You could still fry an egg on that asphalt I was doing push-ups on.
"PRIVATE, I BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT IN MY GOD-LIKE STATUS AS YOUR DRILL INSTRUCTOR THAT I CAN PREDICT THE FUTURE. I PREDICT YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE A VERY HARD TIME HERE AND I PREDICT THAT TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A VERY LONG NIGHT!" Once again, he proved to be correct.
See you next blog,
Ted
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