Did you know that you can become addicted to abuse? Are you aware of the extreme damage it does to your SPIRIT, MIND, AND SOUL? You actually begin to believe you can't do anything! You actually question whether or not you are a good person! You begin to believe you really aren't a good parent because he keeps telling you how deficit you are. You are told you don't contribute anything to the marriage and that you cannot be depended upon when he needs you. You always saw yourself as supportive and did so many things to please him but nothing you do is really right. There may be a few scattered good days but even those days have a I.U.D. hidden in your path-you are being set up for the next EXPLOSION and you are unaware. The worst part is that you realize YOU ARE NOT LOVED AND HE SAYS YOU ARE UNGRATEFUL AND SELFISH!
Did you think you were going to be living a good life after all these years, but now, the man who has been bringing it to you has been making it enotionally painful instead? Certainly, your marriage or relationship may be played out on an attractive enough stage--you could be living a lifestyle that those looking in from the outside may actually envy. However, you know that you are feeling increasingly miserable, isn't that so?
You probably awaken each morning with butterflies aflight in your stomach. How is your partner going to treat you today? you silently wonder. Of course, there is a chance he greets you with verbal abuse and hence, the butterflies swirl with greater speed yet. Then again, he may offer a kind word or two. You are grateful for this morsal he tosses your way and thus, your anxiety begins to dissipate. But then, just when you think everything is going to be okay, he slings out words that spear your heart.
So tell me, are you confused as to why your partner treats you in the ways he does--dishing out emotional abuse and verbal abuse without restraint? I know I was when I was living in a marriage that came to be filled with this type of verbal abuse and emotional abuse. Why did my husband constantly label me as ungrateful? I thought. Why did he constantly tell me that there were numerous women out there who'd be thrilled to take my place?
Why? Probably because my husband was suffering from a pathological level of narcissism and indeed, while I believed we had a partnership, he was a man who would be king. And of course, I was not being a loyal and grateful enough subject.
The thing is, probably no matter how much I had done to appease my husband, it would never have been enough. After all, a narcissist has to be right. He must have power over you. Certainly, this means that he must make you wrong. The narcissist believes it is better to be fearerd than loved--something my husband professed more than once.
Are you facing something similar to what I faced in your own marriage or relationship? You may also be pained by the fact your partner calls you ungrateful when you try to show him, through your every move, that you are there for him and for your relationship.
Well, at least you probably did so in the past. After suffering the slings and arrows your verbally abusive partner has been sending your way for perhaps awhile now, you are likely feeling so hopeless and helpless that today, you may hardly have a good word to say about this once beloved man. Then again, you may still profess to love him.
No matter whether you love your partner or not, do you nonetheless find, when you are trying to speak in his presence, that you can hardly string together a complete sentence? I know this happened to me--a once articulate professional woman who'd made presentations to rooms full of people as well as appeared in edicational segments on television. This may seem surprising at first. However, once you realize that likely anything you say will be attacked--that somehow your partner will be verbally abusive and make you wrong yet one more time--doesn't it make sense that you've become practically mute?
If you can relate to any of what I've just said, or even if you're still lost in a cloud of confusion as to why your partner is being as verbally and emotionally abusive as he is, you may want to linger at this site for awhile. Discover there is likely good reason for your emotional pain--or perhaps depression that refuses to lift. And if you feel as if you are going crazy, learn that it makes perfect sense that you feel this way, too.
You are living in a toxic environment. Have you ever thought of it this way--that being the victim of constant verbal abuse and emotional abuse can destroy you emotionally, physically, and spiritually? That you don't have to be physically abused to be an abused woman?
So, are you here at Narcissism, Addictions, and Abuse in part because you want to know if you are truly misperceiving most everything that now transpires between the two of you--as your husband or partner may well be telling you that you are? And certainly, you may want the almost constant feelings of anxiety, fear, worthlessness, and that sense that you can't do anything right to all disappear from your life, isn't that so? In fact, don't you want to step outside the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness in which you're now undoubtedly encased and instead, believe in a better tomorrow--one where you will rediscover the self that loves life while, at the same time, coming to know inner contentment and peace?
While I certainly don't know you and what your life is like today, I do suspect that I have some idea. And, having walked in similar shoes, I want better for you. I hope I can provide some of the guidance you need to get from where you are today to where you'd prefer to be--or at least, to give yourself the chance of discovering what your life could become versus remaining on the downslide you'r'e undoubtedly experiencing today.
Should you trust what I have to say? You'll have to make that decision. Let me say that I do have the credentials you unndoubtedly both desire and expect from an individual providing relationship advice. While you can read more about me at another page at this website, know that I have a Ph.D. in clinical social work from the University of Texas at Arlington, I have other degrees in family studies and child development, and I am licensed to practice as a psychotherapist. As a result, I hope you'll feel comfortable sticking around and reading the articles I've posted--and likely will add to as time goes on. Also, discover self-help books I've identified that should prove useful to you--some now, and perhaps others in the future.
By the way, let me commend you for taking this step--trying to seek information and to learn about what you are facing. After all, it isn't easy to open your eyes to such painful realities. Some women never do it and, as a result, essentially become emotionally destroyed--if not worse yet. But you're not going to let that happen to you, are you?
The road you undoubtedly will have to walk in the nenar future will prove challenging--you can count on that. You will need support from others along the way. You also should seek advice from a psychotherapist. In fact, you may need ongoing counseling from someone who truly understands narcissists and narcissism--and how devastating the emotional abuse and verbal abuse of the narcissist can be. Yes indeed, if you are truly facing a partner's narcissism, addictions, and abuse, you should not expect to be able to go this path alone. And indeed, after reading the articles at this site, you should know whether this is what you've been facing--or, if your partner may have different types of mental health issues that create similar painful circumstances for you, the partner.
As you read what is here at Narcissism, Addictions, and Abuse, believe that your life can get better--and that you will get better, too. Whle you may be wrapped in fear today, by taking steps to change your life circumstances, you are giving yourself a chance not only to discover a more fulfilling life, but to uncover aspects of yourself you may never have known even existed. In fact, this may play a significant role in making your life much richer in the future.
Tell me, are you ready to take a fist step on your new life's journey?
Some Quotes for Today
"Women know the wisdom and strength that can be found only in relationships; we just need to channel it more towards ourselves than constantly give it away to others." -Ellen McGrath, Ph.D.
"He who is not every day conquering some fear, has not learned the secret of life." – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Besides writing on Narcissism, Addicitons, and Abuse, Dr. Diane England also has written on Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD. Her self-help book, The Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Relationship: How to Suppoort Your Partner and Keep Your Relationship Healthy was designated by theLibrary Journal as one of the "Best Books of 2009." That said, because it helps to tell people about potentially helpful books since you never know who may be suffering silently and needlessly, would you be willing to help get the word out about this one? Thanks so much!
see you next blog,
Ted
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