A NARCISSIST is simply a master manipulator in word and deed, and their weapons are denial, playing the martyr to gain sympathy, division, control, accusations, pathological lying, verbal slander, crazy-making, physical harm to include threating gestures, gas-lighting, etc.. They are not capable of truly loving, but they can use love like gestures to get what they want. They plan carefully the GAME they play. The goal is trample or at least manage everyone that they deem as a threat to their extreme insecurities. They have a facade of confidence and superiority to fool anyone as to who they are. They are hopelessly delusional. They are always right, always the one to admire, and as poisonous as any terrible serpent you could run across. Imagine a sometimes benevolent, but sadistic dictator. They feed you niceties but are actually planning the next trick to strip you of your humanity and dignity.The Narcissist gives you just enough nice to keep you on a hook, but denies you access to real love and instead delivers cruel verbal tirades to make you feel less of a person. You can never do enough to please a Narcissist. They will sexually abuse you and make you feel like a terrible lover if you cannot please them and worship their body constantly. You can never win and argument without being accused of being a terrible person. They live in a world of half-truths and when discovered attack you as the liar. They are the great pretenders. They can act their part almost to precision but have fatal flaws that eventually allow them to be discovered.
I really want you to understand that there are many more Narcissists out there than you can imagine!
Their abuse is not confined to just marriage or dating relationships. Narcissists can be a mother, father, brother, sister, friend, co-worker, boss, preacher, mail-person, a cop, a lawyer, judge, doctor, therapist, or anybody! I think you get the message, BUT what we must understand is that they are dangerous and once they feel wounded they attack with the veracity of a hungry shark and will completely try to destroy a person’s security and sanity. They will attack your integrity and raise themselves above you as master and judge. It doesn't take much for them to feel slighted and it can be anything from a real to a perceived slight to them or their world. Here's the thing, sometimes it's subtle and masked so that you don't perceive attacks for what they really are. Sometimes it's a look of disgust or disbelief that you could be so idiotic in their mind, a word that says they are irritated and think you are ridiculous or obnoxious, a phrase they use to make you feel small or insecure(it could even sound like a joke-but it hurts).
Their life boils down to an accumulation of targets/victims, temporary family/friends, sexual partners, acquaintances, and whatever material gains or ‘life opportunities’ they manage to extort – but no one relationship to them is real but instead an opportunity for supply and ‘gain.’ As many spouses who have it figured out will attest. Narcissists will have children with them as well, and sometimes children to other spouses or other partners. It is sort of like a collection of human beings for the Narcissist or better yet objects that have no emotional depth or the chance of a worthwhile life with because this Narcissist will never be a real parent by any means. Malignant Narcissists are so heartless and callous that they can easily reject their own biological children, once they devalue and discard the target/victim spouse. BUT they will portray themselves as the BETTER spouse that is a complete care giver to these children, often taking credit for things the abused spouse has done in reality.
So the truth here is the Narcissist can’t change and, most importantly, they DON’T want to change. They inhabit a fantasy world that they created which becomes reality for them and those they manage to brainwash because without it they lack any depth at all so they make up their own fantasy land and believe it is real and protect it. There is no reality or truth for any person that resides in their world. It is a train wreck waiting to happen and there are always many victims. Trying to change or stop the Narcissist from abusing you or anybody would be like trying to stop that train wreck with a tissue! In their world the truth and falsehood only holds a VERY weak and instrumental meaning as they apply it to any situation and there is absolutely no morality or respect of life contained in any of their thoughts or actions. They do what they want to do without a care or concern as to what effect it will have on anybody.
It is hard if not impossible to fully wrap our heads around the outlandish behavior of a Narcissist or their psychopathic mindset so we really shouldn't try to as it relates to and describes our abuse. What we do have is a mind and heart that is full of negative and demeaning messages that we were manipulated into believing and we need to purge them out of us and realize that we will only get more of these messages if we have ANY association with them whatsoever. It is time to get real about this and accept this fact. We are normal people that love and possess empathy so we could NEVER understand the mind of this creature and we should not attempt to either. Narcissists believe the truth they create at the moment they need it to provide them with new opportunities – there is no rhyme or reason to it except to satisfy one of their needs at that given moment. I believe they even have their own language and it is delusional at its basis and only ‘doubletalk’ to meet their agenda to extort other people’s lives. They crave POWER, MONEY, POSITION and ADMIRATION! Truth is truth, but they have their own definition of truth which is above real truth in their minds! There is no my truth or your truth! Narcissist can hold any office, be in any career, and they are ruthless.
What can you do? REMEMBER WHAT HAS BEEN WRITTEN HERE! Be aware of this and carefully pick your friends, your future mate, and stay completely away from POISONIOUS PEOPLE LIKE THIS! If you have already been taken in by a Narcissist, get help and get out! You will feel disloyal because that is what you will be accused of, but what you are doing is saving your psychological and spiritual well-being and your children!
Greg Zaffuto has a great book called FROM CHARM TO HARM I recommend this book to anyone dealing with a Narcissist! Most of the thoughts in here are his so I know that he truly understands just what the Narcissist is up to in relationships.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1523820179/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_1?pf_rd_p=1944687442&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=1452591598&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=M1FCR5BF4EA17NNHBXPR
See you next blog,
Ted
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