What makes some marriages such an incredibly wonderful journey in life and others just a tired retread that barely goes along before the blow-out? Why are some so successful in their relationships that you almost cannot believe the reality of it because yours is such a drol existence with a mate that "does not get it." You supposedly married a Christian man but where did he go?Some men put their entire lives into their work and hobbies to avoid the marriage problems and can't understand why the wheels are coming off. Some of the more deviant types of guys decide that their marriage life could be spiced up with PORNO so they drag their reluctant wives into a world of depravity thinking this will solve their problems. Most Christian women are quickly sickened by what they see and begin to even dread sex with their partner whom they now see as a selfish sicko in need of long term care. Unfortunately in today's society this is getting to be a problem. Divorce is at an all time high and for good reason...something terrible has happened. There never was any real intimacy! There may have been excitement that comes with something new but the marriage gets stale because there is no real intimacy...the spark is gone!
What does a woman want in a love relationship?
(Selfish men won't get this but need to read it!!!)
A woman wants a man who will be a shepherd-servant leader. A man who will lead the way in life's journey by example considering her needs before his own. If love-making is modeled in the same way both end up satisfied by the other but men are to be the initiators of servant leadership. We must be willing to die to self and take up our cross and follow the example set by our Lord when it comes to loving unselfishly. A shepherd is willing to give his life for the animals in his care and so should the shepherd of your home be willing to lay down his life(wants-needs-desires) for the mate in his care. Women want to see unselfish love demonstrated toward them.
Meet Dr. Gary Chapman
The 5 Sides of Intimacy
Hint: It's more than just sex
Intellectual intimacy. This isn't about discussing highly intellectual ideas. The important thing is discussing your thoughts. They may be thoughts about food, finances, health, crime, work, politics. They reveal something of what's gone on in your mind throughout the day.
Social intimacy. This has to do with spending time around the events of life. Some of these events we experience together; others happen while we're apart and are shared through open communication. Much of life involves doing. When we do things together, we not only develop a sense of teamwork, we also enhance our sense of intimacy.
Emotional intimacy. Feelings are our spontaneous, emotional responses to what we encounter through the five senses. I see the fire truck racing down the road and I feel troubled. You touch my hand and I feel loved. When we share emotions, we build emotional intimacy.
Spiritual intimacy. Often the least excavated of all the foundations of marital intimacy, yet this has a significant impact on the others. It doesn't require agreement of belief on every detail. Instead, we seek to tell each other what's going on in our inner self. It's discussing our thoughts about spiritual realities. The purpose isn't total agreement, but understanding.
Physical intimacy. Because men and women are different (long live their differences!), we often come at sexual intimacy in different ways. The husband's emphasis is often on the physical aspects—the seeing, touching, and climax are the focus of his attention. The wife, though, comes to sexual intimacy with more interest in the relationship. To feel loved, appreciated, and treated tenderly brings her great joy. Sexual intimacy requires understanding and responding to these differences.
Practicing intimacy
In intimacy, we try to grow closer together, not to eliminate the "otherness," but to enjoy it. Men and women are different and we must not, even with good intentions, seek to destroy those differences.
What keeps us from experiencing intimacy? All of us are egocentric; the world revolves around us. Yet, when we focus on self, we lose intimacy.
The opposite of self-centeredness, then, is love. Love concentrates on the well-being of the spouse. We take time to listen to the thoughts, feelings, and desires of our spouse. We seek to understand and to respond with empathy. We choose to do things with each other, even things that may not be our favorite activities, simply because we want to be with each other.
In the context of such intimacy we become supportive and caring of each other, which builds a stronger, more contented marriage.
Gary D. Chapman, Ph.D., a marriage and relationship expert, is author of The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts. Contributor to Christianity Today magazine.
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