Unfortunately there are no happy endings when it comes to domestic violence...ladies that includes verbal violence because it steals your joy and sucks the life out of you over a period of time. Verbal abuse actually does as much damage or more than physical abuse. Both lead to misery and life-long pain that will never go away and does not affect only you because your children will repeat what they have heard and seen. This article is by Terry Loving and so very important that women understand that ABUSE IS NEVER ACCEPTABLE IN ANY FORM BY GOD!!!
King James 2000 Bible (©2003)
“For
he flatters himself in his own eyes, until his iniquity is found to
be hateful.
(I
wrote this post a while back for my website –
the message is worthy of repeating)
I can remember stories, those things my mother said
She told me fairy tales before I went to bed
She spoke of happy endings then tucked me in real tight
She turned my night light on and kissed my face good night
My mind would fill with visions of perfect paradise
She told me everything, she said he’d be so nice
He’d ride up on his horse and take me away one night
I’d be so happy with him, we’d ride clean out of sight
She never said that we would, curse, cry and scream and lie
She never said that maybe, someday he’d say goodbye
The story ends, as stories do
Reality steps into view
No longer living life in paradise
Of fairy tales, no
She spoke about happy endings, of stories not like this
She said he’d slay all dragons, defeat the evil prince
She said he’d come to save me, swim through the stormy seas
I’d understand the story, it would be good for me
You never came to save me, you let me stand alone
Out in the wilderness, alone in the cold
My story end, as stories do
Reality steps into view
No longer living life in paradise
No fairy tales, yes
I don’t look for pie up in the sky, baby
Need reality, now, said I Don’t feel the need to be pacified, don’t
cha try
Honey, I know you lied
You never came to save me, you let me stand alone
Out in the wilderness, alone in the cold
I found no magic potion, no horse with wings to fly
I found the poison apple, my destiny to die
No royal kiss could save me, no magic spell to spin
My fantasy is over, my life must now begin
My story end, as stories do
Reality steps into view
No longer living life in paradise
No fairy tales, hey, hey
Oh, Lord
Read
more: ANITA
BAKER – FAIRY TALES LYRICS
………………………………….
I
grew up reading Dick
and Jane, Cinderella,
and all the books that young girls cherished about love and romance
and happiness at home with loving parents. I lived in a row home
in Philadelphia,
but that did not stop me from envisioning my Prince riding down my
street, coming to rescue me. Our row home did not have a white
picket fence,
no matter. Someday my Prince and I would have a white picket fence of
our own.
One
day he would ride boldly to my mother’s house, and demand to
take me away from the madness; the fury of domestic
violence.
No more would I suffer neglect and the damaging effects of the
violence, for my Prince would take me away in a flash. While riding
on the back of his beautiful stallion, I would wave goodbye to my
mother’s dysfunctional household, leaving all the pain and misery
behind.
……………………………………….
There would be no need to pack the rags that I was accustomed to
wearing. My Prince would provide any and everything that I could
possibly need. There would be no more hunger, for I would feast on
the delicacies prepared by staff in his far away castle. My mind
would only know peace, no more war. No more waking up in the middle
of the night, crying, frightened, and bewildered.
I would stay at home like “Mother” in Dick and Jane – waving
goodbye every morning from the edge of our white picket fence. I
would be beautiful, at peace, and know only love and deep affection.
My Prince would come home faithfully to me, and only have eyes for me
and me alone. Like Cinderella, my Prince would reject all others, and
we would live happily ever after. Oh dear mother, someday, I will
leave your madness, and fly away.
……………………………………….
I dreamed of my Prince back in the 60’s, and here it is 2012, and
women are still waiting for a Knight in shining armor. A new
generation is envisioning the same white picket fence that I prayed
for years ago. It seems that no one has bothered to tell them the
truth, what a shame!
Before
I move on, I am not some kind of Prophetess of doom. I am a realist,
and life has taught me to be one over and over again – especially
in the area of personal relationships and marriage. Anita
Baker says
it best in her song-Fairy
Tales,
“Reality steps into view.”
……………………………………….
Now
there is nothing wrong with young girls reading Cinderella, Sleeping
Beauty,
and books of this sort. However, those who place these books in their
hands should inform them that these books are for “entertainment
only.” Better yet, the books should come with a warning, “This
is not real life!”
Children find their own way to cope with violence and neglect while
growing up. My coping mechanism was reading, and my
imagination. I was a dreamer, and dreaming was my escape. My books
were the gateway to another world, one that did not know domestic
violence, abuse, or neglect. Unfortunately children who are abused often pick abusive partners in life.
……………………………………….
On the other hand, perhaps there are mothers’ who read these
stories to their young daughters, and they live in homes not filled
with violence. Everyone loves a love story with a happy ending, and
caring mothers try hard to present the good in the world to their
children. Loving parents try to avoid planting seeds of paranoia
concerning dysfunctional people in the world, so sometimes fantasy is
a good thing.
If I were raising a little girl today that loved to read fairy tales,
I would read them with her. I would not take away the part of her
that dreams of having a good marriage someday. But I would definitely
let her know that real life isn’t how we fantasize it to be. She
could keep her fantasies, but she would also be armed with reality.
……………………………………….
HAPPY ENDINGS
Movie goers love a happy ending. After all the drama, pitfalls,
obstacles, and antagonism, we all root for our heroes to win the
struggle. When our hero dies, we are disappointed. When love dies, we
are devastated. Most, if not all couples anticipate happiness in
their marriage. Unfortunately, the divorce rate shrinks the
percentage. As we read about the divorce rate in our country, we know
that not many people have found what makes for longevity, and
happiness in a marriage.
……………………………………….
The
only “perfect paradise” that I believe exists is the one spoken
of in the Bible. Jesus told the thief on the cross that was condemned
to die alongside of Him, “Truly I say to you, today you shall be
with Me in Paradise”(Luke
23:43).
Adam and Eve experienced paradise on earth, and they blew it, Genesis
chapter 3.
We are living in a fallen, sin-filled world where nothing and no
flesh is perfect.
You may meet a “nice” man, and he may seem to be the answer to
your prayers. But with the absence of a good Christian father, and
correct Biblical teaching, you may not know what to look for in
choosing the right man for you. Or, allowing the right man
to choose you. “Nice” could be a cover-up for many negative
characteristics that will come out later. So, what can you do? Listen
to our heavenly Father’s guidance:
“Beloved,
do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they
are from God…” (1
John 4:1).
……………………………………….
Although the above scripture is referring to false prophets, the same
advice should apply to Mr. “Nice.” The Greek work for “spirit”
is PNEUMA. It can be used in reference to “the breath”
(2
Thessalonians 2:8).
And “the immaterial, invisible part of man,” (Luke
8:55).
PNEUMA also refers to the “sentient element in man, that by which
he perceives, reflects, feels, desires,” (Matthew
26:41),
and in Romans
7:22,
“the inner man.”
……………………………………….
So
when we “test” the spirits of others, we are searching for the
qualities that one who claims to serve God should possess. Is Mr.
“Nice” humble in spirit? God was able to use Moses because he was
“very humble-more than any man who was on the face of the earth”
(Numbers
12:3).
Your Mr. “Nice” may not be on the same spiritual level as Moses,
but possessing humility will bring him God’s grace. Here is an
example of a check list that you can use to “test the spirit” of
your new love, or the man you have doubts about.
“Humble
yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.”
Does he humble himself
in the presence of our Lord? Does Mr. “Nice” treat you and others
with disrespect, or does he humble himself in front of your family
and friends? How does he treat you in private? When no one else is
around, does he still exhibit Christ-like qualities? Or does he
change into a tyrant?
……………………………………….
Is he able to rule his
spirit? Is he quick or even tempered? Does Mr.
“Nice” have a problem with verbal abuse? Are there signs of
anger? When he speaks, does he speak words of wisdom, or does his
mouth bring forth folly? Has he ever threatened violence or
acted on it? Does he throw things when upset, or frighten you with
his anger?
……………………………………….
Is your Knight patient in spirit, or does he exhibit haughtiness of
spirit? Does he walk in the Spirit of God? And possess the fruits of
the Spirit? And they are:
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness, and self-control. Does he easily forgive others their
trespasses?
Does Mr. “Nice” lead you into sin when you want to do what is
right? Do you find yourself compromising your salvation to have this
man in your life? Does he often say things like “God understands”
when he continually sins and entices you to do so?
Has your Knight ever lied to you? Does Mr. “Nice” make a habit of
lying to you or others? Have you found his words and actions to be
unreliable? Does he say one thing, and do another? Does he lack
integrity?
…………………………..
Does Mr. “Nice” keep good company? Have you ever met his family
and friends? What are they like? Does he try to isolate you from your
family and friends? Have you ever been told that he is all that you
need, and you do not need your family and friends anymore? Be very
careful with isolation, abusers plot to get you alone and away from
support of family and friends.
Most importantly, does your Mr. “Nice” believe in God, worship
God, fear God, acknowledge God, and encourage others to serve God?
Does he pray to the God of heaven? Does he trust God? Does he hinder
you from worshiping God? Does he manipulate your religious beliefs?
Make fun of them? Put you down because you are a believer?
…………………………..
Certainly this list could go on and on. However, I have laid a
foundation upon which you could and should assess your future or
current mate – especially if you are experiencing violence, abuse
or threats of any kind. This list is not meant to frighten you in any
way. Nor is it meant to eliminate the wonders or courtship, or cause
you to become fearful of others. It simply serves as a guide to the
kind of man that will treat you with respect, and love you as God
demands that you should be loved.
…………………………..
In order to form relationships with other human beings, there has to
be some level of trust. However, when we operate with blind faith, we
often set ourselves up for situations that may be difficult to get
out of. Domestic violence and abuse are very good examples of harmful
situations that may not entirely be avoided, but you won’t miss the
signs if you allow yourself to recognize the handwriting on the wall.
When
you find yourself being wooed and courted with flattery, hopefully
this list and others will be embedded within your heart for future
references. Otherwise, you may assume that over-flattering behavior
is normal. If you are in a new relationship, be careful if your
admirer is: A.
Obsessed with you. B.
In a hurry to form a more mature relationship. C.
Adores you and barely knows you. Usually, these signs are huge red
flags that should not be ignored. They often mean that a messed up
person is trying to intimately connect with you before their
inner demons rear their ugly heads, and you see him or her for
what, and who they really are.
…………………………..
NOTE: Satan’s
most effective tool is deception. Even if the abused miss the warning
signs, the violent and abusive behaviors are still the responsibility
of the abusers.
…………………………..
“REALITY”
Abusers are no better than brute beasts!
Unfortunately, many women live with beastly behavior everyday, sad.
…………………………..
It
is not
your destiny to die at
the hands of abusers.
…………………………..
WHEN FAIRY TALES DON’T COME TRUE
Domestic Violence The Story of Power and Control (PDF)
PLEASE DOWNLOAD THE PDF!!!
See you next blog,
Ted
26NOV
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