12 COMMANDMENTS I GIVE UNTO THEE OR THE IMPORTANCE OF PICKING A REAL CHRISTIAN HUSBAND FOR A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE

Statistics show that one out of every two marriages ends in divorce in America. This is frightening, appalling, and heart breaking! What has happened to the sacred institution of marriage that is ordained of God? How long can our nation survive when it is crumbling within like a decaying skyscraper? When our homes are gone, everything will be lost because the home is the foundation of our society. As the home goes, so goes the nation, and as the nation goes, so goes the world. All it takes to establish and sustain a happy home is a Christian husband and a Christian wife who are totally committed to Jesus as evident by their walk and then to each other.

 THIS POST IS FOR YOU LADIES:

Therein lies the problem. Most of you ladies pick "churched" mates OR SO-CALLED GOOD MEN, thinking they are the real deal when in fact you have not truly examined them closely to see if they live the walk instead of just talking  the talk. How do you pick the real thing? 

Here you go gals ...here are the tests and believe me, you better test or you will end up accepting a fraud.

Does he exhibit the Fruits of the Spirit daily as required of believers in Galatians 5:22-25? Look them up if you don't know them (any of us can have a bad day but even then that fruit can be seen with a casual glance). IF HE DOES NOT EXHIBIT THE FRUITS OF THE SPIRIT DAILY, NEITHER YOU OR YOUR CHILDREN WILL BE NURTURED IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO CHRIST OUR LORD-HE IS A FRAUD!!!

Does he protect you? (I'm not talking about him saying he would give his life for you. Talk is cheap. Instead, does he protect your spirit by spontaneous Spirit-filled prayer? Does he protect your overall well-being-making you feel good about yourself? Does he ensure your safety in the home and on the go? Does he give unselfishly without asking or expecting anything in return?  If your intended cannot do these three very vital things for you, he will not protect your life! HE IS A LIAR!!!

Is he open to correction and have a teachable spirit? The Lord himself insisted that we be teachable and the Word of God tells us that we are to accept correction with a humble spirit...that includes correction from our wives. Hebrews 12 :3 tells us that we must accept correction willingly or we are not truly sons of God. If your intended covers his sins and puts them back on you for not meeting his desires and balks at correction, RUN AWAY! HE IS A TALKER NOT A DOER AND PROBABLY A SELF-RIGHTEOUS FOOL!!!

Does he respect you? Does he honestly ask you to impart some of your wisdom into his thinking? Does he make you feel important when it comes to decision making and honestly implement your thinking into his mental process. Does he honor you in front of friends and strangers or put you down with jibes in so called jest or harsh critique? IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOUR OPINIONS AND FEELINGS ARE BEING DISMISSED-THEY ARE! RUN!!! HE IS  A HATER AND LACKS COMPASSION!!!

Is he generous with his possessions? Proverbs 28:27 says he who gives to the poor generously will not lack, but he who hides his eyes from poverty and need will be cursed! If he is not generous with the poor and those in need, he will not be generous or kind with his family! HE IS GREEDY AND STINGY!!!

Does he promote others with good will or look down on those of a lower station in life with contempt? There are no less than 100 scriptures that tell you that a proud and haughty spirit is cursed by God and that calamity will follow those who are haughty and selfish. Do you honestly want YOU OR YOUR CHILDREN to suffer with a HAUGHTY AND ARROGANT fool the rest of your lives ladies?

Lastly, does he exhibit Godly wisdom or foolish behavior? All of the bad behaviors listed above are exhibited by a fool who does not walk with God, but only pretends to be something he can never be. Ladies, if you hitch your wagon to a fool WHO ONLY SPOUTS HIS SPECIAL BRAND OF WORLDLY WISDOM AND SEES HIMSELF AS WISE WHEN HIS BEHAVIOR SAYS DIFFERENTLY, you and your children will live in misery! HE REALLY IS A FOOL-NO KIDDING!!!

READ ON!

It would be almost impossible to estimate the value of a Christian husband in a home. If you have one, you had better treasure your priceless jewel while you can and not wait until you are sobbing with regret. If he doesn't bring in "the green" quite as fast as you would like, but he prays with you in the morning and a bedtime every day, you are a very rich woman! If your husband attends worship with you, and teaches your children how to live a godly life, you are truly rich. A home can operate without a Christian husband and even produce children who can become faithful Christian but at a terrible price, but how much better off the home is with a Christian husband as its head, provider, protector and guide.

The first thing a real, genuine Christian husband does is cleave-not parasitically. God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep and formed woman from one of his ribs. That means he only has eyes for his wife alone and no other. When Adam got his first glimpse of God's beautiful creation, he ended his classic response to God's handiwork by saying, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Gen. 2:24). One tie must be broken before another can be established. Men must bear the burden for responsibility of a successful marriage according to scripture. Their responsibility is to give themselves as Christ did for the church...yes that means giving all your ambitions, hopes, and dreams up in order to serve your spouse and children. That means putting them and their needs above your own just as Jesus did for you, sir!

Like it or not, Christians divorce for various reasons so there must be a more intimate connection between a husband and his wife than exists between parents and children. Many broken marriages result in the joining of two very different views of marriage-each bringing their own personal baggage into the relationship.  Disagreements on how to handle money, family (each spouses parents and children), and leadership need to be ironed out long before another ring goes on the finger. Each spouse must take the time and trouble to ensure that the partner they are about to take on really exhibits fruit that says their walk before God is genuine. Women who marry self-absorbed, selfish, controlling men often end up divorcing again.

Will your intended be a considerate husband?  In 1 Peter 3:7 we read:  "Likewise, you husbands, dwell with them [your wives] according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered." To dwell with your wife according to knowledge you must do some studying! Study your beloved and find out what she really does need. What makes her happy? What makes her nervous? What makes her relaxed? What makes her depressed? Most importantly, is he willing to die to his own desires to serve you and your children?

A Christian husband considers his wife very precious and gives her the honor that she is due. We always honor, protect, and cherish that which we consider precious, if we are wise. If your sweetheart is precious to you, don't hesitate or neglect to give her the honor that she deserves and craves. The husband should always consider the fact that his wife is physically weaker than he is and treat her accordingly, not make her feel inadequate because she does not have your physical strength. At least, this is the way it is supposed to work. Many women are not frail weaklings in any sense of the word, but generally speaking,, they are weaker physically than men to some degree.

A Christian husband always considers his wife to be a fellow heir of the grace of life, or life eternal. This makes the relationship so much more meaningful than it would otherwise be. Being fellow heirs, both husband and wife have the same shining goal in life - to serve Jesus Christ in this world. Everything they say and do should be directed toward reaching this worthy goal. Life may be like a roller coaster with its joys and sorrows, but there is still hope, strength, and peace when both husband and wife know where they are going. Nothing can keep them from reaching their mutual goal except their own unwise choice to be unfaithful and disobedient. This common goal adds a dimension to the marriage that enriches it, ennobles it and expands it. Men you are the shepherd of your home and it is your responsibility to prayerfully and carefully provide an atmosphere of love, peace, and acceptance for your family!

Twelve Commandments for Husbands (God only gave ten BUT WE TEND TO HEAR ONLY WHAT WE WANT TO HEAR)

1. Thou shalt love thy wife and commit thyself to her for a lifetime of oneness in marriage -divine and indivisible. Thou shalt make of thy marriage an exclusive relationship so that thy wife shall never have occasion to doubt thy love nor occasion for jealousy or lack of trust. As the scriptures say, "Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25); "Cleave unto thy wife" (Genesis 2:24). NO ROVING EYES AND NO PORN EVER-JESUS CALLED IT ADULTERY!!!

2. Thou shalt seek to understand thy wife. Thou shalt not be able to understand her in every case, but thou shalt make a lifetime effort to do so and not criticize her. As the scriptures say, "Husbands, dwell with your wives according to knowledge" (1 Peter 3:7). LISTEN ATTENTIVELY AND TALK LESS YOU MIGHT LEARN SOMETHING!!!

3. Thou shalt talk to thy wife when thou comest home from thy work, when thou sittest in thine house, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. Thou shalt at times turn off your favorite television program to assure thy wife she is more cherished than your favorite program, for communication is an expression of love. As the scriptures say, "Live a life of love" (Ephesians 5:2). ACTIONS SPEAK VOLUMES ABOUT YOUR CONCERNS TOWARD HER!!!

4.  Thou shalt not talk down to thy wife nor use sarcasm or ridicule. Thou shalt not belittle her, for her sense of self-worth is much dependent on your appreciation and encouragement of her. As the scriptures say, "Love is kind" (1 Corinthians 13:4), and again, "Do everything without complaining or arguing" (Philippians 2:14), and again, "In honor prefer one another" (Romans 12:10). HONORING COSTS YOU YOUR PRIDE. GIVE IT UP EARLY OR LIVE IN MISERY!!!

5. Thou shalt listen to thy wife, asking for her advice and opinions, and recognizing her mental abilities and talents, as Abraham asked and followed Sarah's advice. Thou shalt also look lovingly and with attentiveness to thy wife when she speaks to thee. As the scriptures say, "Love is not proud or rude" (1 Corinthians 13:4-5.)  SHE MAY BE WEAKER PHYSICALLY BUT JUST AS STRONG AND CAPABLE MENTALLY!!!

6. Thou shalt not lord it over thy wife, recognizing that the two of you are equal before God and that leadership in the home does not mean dictatorship. Neither does it mean being waited on nor having the best piece of chicken. Leadership means moral, financial, and spiritual responsibilities. Headship in the home also means sacrifice and service. As the scriptures say, "Submit yourselves one to another out of reverence for Christ" (Ephesians 5:21), and "Husbands, do not be harsh with them" (Colossians 3:19). Thou shalt not abdicate thy leadership role because of apathy or indifference, for love cares and bears all things. GOD GAVE YOU A LEADERSHIP POSITION IN THE HOME BUT YOU MUST EARN IT TO KEEP IT!!!

 7.  Thou shalt see that thy wife is thy best friend.  The closest of all human relationships is marriage and it should know joyous comradeship, with laughter and good humor. Thou shalt share affection and confidences with thy wife and long to be in her presence. As the scriptures say, "Live joyfully with thy wife whom thou lovest" (Ecclesiastes 9:9). A FRIEND STICKS CLOSER THAN A BROTHER BECAUSE WE PICK OUR FRIENDS!!!

8. Thou shalt help thy wife in all those ways that sacrificial love would help, giving her of thy time, money, attention, affection (yea, even washing the dishes as needed without complaining), remembering that the scriptures say, "Bear ye one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ" (Galatians 6:2). THAT INCOME YOU MAKE IS NOT YOURS IT BELONGS TO YOUR FAMILY SIR!!! IF YOU ARE STINGY WITH THESE THINGS YOU ARE NOT A TRUE SERVANT OF CHRIST!!!

9. Thou shalt accept thy wife as she is. Thou shalt not expect perfection. Thou shalt forgive her of her mistakes and confess thine own to her, remembering that "love covereth all sins" (Prov. 10:12).  "Forgive each other as God in Christ has forgiven you" (Ephesians 4:32). IF YOU WANT TO BE FORGIVEN YOU MUST SHOW TRUE REPENTENCE BY YOUR DEEDS AND THAT TAKES TIME!!!

10. Thou shalt practice tenderness as the essential emotion, realizing that sex is a gift of God which expresses and enhances love. Sex is giving joy as well as receiving it. Thou shalt consider that nothing can erode the sexual union more than selfishness. Remember the scriptures say, "The husband's body does not belong to him alone, but also to his wife" (1 Corinthians 7:4); "Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies" (Ephesians 5:28); "As ye would that (she) should do unto you do ye even so unto (her)” (Matthew 7:12). SHE HAS A RIGHT TO SAY NO GENTLEMEN-REAL LOVE WILL WIN HER BACK WOMEN KNOW WHEN THEY ARE NOT BEING LOVED, BUT INSTEAD OBJECTIFIED!!!

11. Thou shalt in some way each day show thy wife that "I need you,” that “I appreciate you,” and that "I want to help you." So shalt thy marriage become a strong and blest tie that binds two hearts in Christian love. ANYTHING LESS THAN THIS WILL MAKE SHIPWRECK OF A MARRIAGE IN SPITE OF WHAT YOU BELIEVE SHE CANNOT READ YOUR MIND SHE NEEDS TO HEAR YOUR WORDS!!!

12. And should thy marriage become trying and seemingly an endurance contest, thou shalt not quit giving of yourself. Thou shalt "bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, endure all things" (1 Corinthians 13:7). Thou shalt trust thy God who is love and who is the God of the resurrection to rekindle and renew thy love. Thou shalt treat thy wife as thou didst when love was new. And having done all, thou shalt "suffer long" and "cast thy burdens on the Lord" knowing that he careth for thee and thy mate (1 Peter 5:7). ANYTHING WORTH HAVING IS WORTH PRAYING OVER, ANGUISHING OVER, AND CONSTANT NURTURING!!!

Conclusion:

Some churches and pastors tell a couple that the man is entitled to respect, entitled to be loved in spite of his foolishness, entitled to have sex on demand and if you are fool enough to do this you will deserve the separation of hearts and your marriage. THE TRUTH IS THAT YOU ARE ENTITLED ONLY TO WHATEVER YOU EARN BY LOVING WELL IN A MARRIAGE. THERE IS AN IMMUTABLE LAW CALLED REAPING AND SOWING. WHATEVER YOU SOW YOU WILL REAP LATER THAN YOU SOW, AND MORE THAN YOU SOW-SOW WISELY!!! Jesus was our example of strength tempered by love. You can only hurt someone so much before they shut down inside and can no longer find a reason to love. God gave women a special ability to love and forgive but if men insists on causing pain you are sowing discord and you will reap a whirlwind of loneliness and misery of your own doing!

Ladies if you feel something is wrong then it is!!! Don't be in such an all-fired hurry to over-look bad behavior. The consequence is misery for you, your children and your families! Don't let him give you the line that "you are not perfect either,", because that is a clear signal that he wants you to give him a pass for his sins which you will later find are many. Love covers a multitude of sins but not those where there is no repentance! God gives you wisdom if you ask according to James1:5-6-USE IT! By the way, I have been guilty in the past of most of this stupidity at one time or another so I am speaking as an EXPERT ON WHAT NOT TO DO TO NURTURE A HEALTHY MARRIAGE!

See you next blog,
Ted