Why is Codependency So Dangerous?
by Dr. Eric Andrews
Many people assume that codependency is a strictly passive condition, with the codependent only performing as a servant to the abuser/addict. In reality, codependency is a passive-aggressive condition, with the ABUSER/ENABLER controlling the addict through emotional and physical manipulation to include rage, violence, and threats demonstrating control. In an unhealthy relationship forged by codependency, the enabler/abuser needs the addict to remain unhealthy and dependent to maintain control. Depending on the type of abuser, they will try various means of remaining in control once the threat of loss of that control is apparent. Which is why it is so important to get completely away from the ABUSER! While many people feel a strong need to help a loved one in a time of personal crisis, a number of codependents see themselves as martyrs or self-sacrificing heroes because they endured the hardship of codependency of their abuser.. As a codependent of an abuser, caring for a person with a terribly dysfunctional psychological disorder helps define them as people worthy of respect, which they believe they wouldn't receive under healthier circumstances. This very same codependent personality now seeks others to become codependent upon and enable others to become codependent upon them. You can see how this is not a victimless disease!
Codependency is a learned behavior, with children observing the effects of addiction on their parents. A person who experienced a traumatic childhood involving sexual or physical abuse will often seek out a partner with substance abuse problems or anti-social behavior. The belief generated by codependency is that he or she will somehow be able to 'fix' this person's numerous issues. In actuality, these codependent relationships often crash and burn, leaving the codependent with even lower self-esteem. Since many codependents avoid interaction with healthy, well-adjusted people, the codependency cycle usually continues with a series of damaging relationships.
With the information above I would like my readers to redirect to a blog I have the absolute utmost respect for. The blog is by a friend of mine who has admitted to a codependent behavior and shares the devastation that it brings to those who allow codependency to occur.
Please read Laura's blog:
Daddy's Girl... or better yet, who I was and who I am becoming... Codependent no more