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Showing posts from August, 2012

ABUSE & CODEPENDENCY: The Heartbreak of Falling In Love With Co-dependents

If you have ever fallen in love with a co-dependent let me warn you now that it is the hardest thing you will experience in your life next to being married to an abuser, because a co-dependent has built a protective wall around their realm that keeps them inside their abuser's castle no matter what (s)he does to them. The goal of the abuser is to win at any cost. That can include many things such as suddenly giving the appearance of becoming the consonant care-giver. Caring for the very children or spouse they abused earlier. It is all part of the cycle of the abusers repetitive behavior. The codependent is powerless to understand what has occurred because they want so badly to believe change is coming. The worst thing is that the codependent will feel justified in staying in that terrible relationship because it makes them feel better about themselves for enduring the pain. Even their abusers are co-dependent on them so that they can maintain control the partner they have contr…

Character, Trust and Leadership Credibility Starts At Home

In relation to leadership, you simply can’t take shortcuts, regardless of how long you’ve been leading. To build trust, a leader must exemplify these qualities: competence, connection, and character. People will forgive occasional mistakes based on ability, especially if they might see that you’re growing as a leader. However they won’t trust somebody who has slips in character. Character and leadership credibility always go hand in hand. Character makes trust possible. And trust makes leadership possible. If you are foolish in your judgements and actions and yet scream for respect or credibility you are on a fool's errand. Why? You have proven you are not a credible or trustworthy individual therefore you cannot be allowed to lead others! Consequences follow every bad decision you make. Whatever a man sows he will also reap!
Galatians 6:7-8 Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.8  For the one who sows to his own…

You Have Decided To Divorce: Starting Life Over Again

Let's face it, starting your life over after a divorce is probably one of the most daunting experiences you will ever face. Physicians and mental health experts say it is right at the top of list of the most traumatic events in a person's life! The unknown, after being in the familiar, is a very scary place when you are used to the same routine daily. Even in very abusive marriages the familiar becomes acceptable because not every minute holds terror. Too many abused immerse themselves in development of their children even though those children will remain dysfunctional depending on how long you stayed as your abuser's possession. Needless to say, you will have a lot of undoing once you are free of your abuser's influence. It is not impossible if you remain committed to the task of correcting wrongs without becoming too self critical and also criticizing the child who has become dysfunctional-more on that in a later blog.

Starting again, has caused many a hardship, anx…

Making the Hard Decisions in Life

Most of us like to find our comfort zone and build our lives around it even if it is unhealthy for us. Because it is familiar we lull ourselves into believing this is the reality of life. This is the beginning of a slow death emotionally because of abuse or condescension into a life that holds no joy in it. You learn not to trust that real people truly, selflessly love and care for one another. Worse, if you do acknowledge that real selfless love and care is possible, you tend you believe that what you have is superior to what you have because a home filled with condescension somehow makes you tougher, better prepared for a harshness in life...somehow more resilient! Nothing could be further from the truth!

It is the nature of all things to change, so why is it we are in a hurry to find our comfort zone even bad situations? For many, it is the way we have been brought up, and we do it for others or for what we perceive God wants. There are those who want us to settle into their …

Sticks and Stones can break my bones but Words Can Never Hurt Me...OR CAN THEY?

Some of us were taught by godly parents or grandparents to measure our words before they come out of our mouth so as not to hurt others, but many were not so they use words as a weapon! Have you ever noticed that mainly those whose use of words this way grew up insecure in themselves? In order to feel good about themselves they had to inflict pain on someone else. They convince themselves that armed with a caustic vocabulary they can now stand up and be counted. They project their misery on others so that they seem smarter or more apt to lead and be noticed. They're only words some people say and what harm can words do? Yes, some believe the school-yard taunt: "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me." They're dead wrong. Words can hurt you in the home and in the workplace. Words placed at just the right time can build you up or tear you down and many can last a lifetime.

Today, I'm not referring to the caustic ones spoken (or received)…