Friday, March 30, 2018

Collapsed Narcissists




There are monsters among us who sap our strength, make us feel like we are to blame for all their shortcomings, feed us abuse in the name of constructive criticism, make us feel inferior to them, and worst of are sexually sick and demanding. If we don't please them or worship they let us know what a terrible person we are:

A narcissistic, egocentric, grandiose blame shifter who fails to value or appreciate human traits like kindness, goodwill, or emotional sensitivity to other people’s needs while being fiercely envious of happy people, their goal is to target those they simultaneously envy and despise.
Their overwhelming sense of POOR ME coupled with Cartman’s style “I do what I WANT!” contemptuous arrogance cannot be denied.
The following article is presented here for academic purposes of evaluation. Please be sure to take a moment to visit the content producer’s website to check out their advertising and related content.
When engaging in the study of Narcissistic Abuse recovery methods, education and self-reflection are key.
Learning how to spot the red flags and warning signs that you are being targeted for social and emotional use and abuse by a person who is a vertical (meaning socially competitive) thinker rather than a collaborator can actually help any prospective Narcissistic Abuse victim decide whether or not socially engaging, remaining enmeshed with, or trying to “help” is actually going to be in everyone’s best interest… without the Empath’s own personal needs or well-being being ignored or in any way socially denigrated.
Before reading this article, take a moment to engage in an act of self-reflection. Ask yourself honestly while reading through this article — hopefully time and time again — the following questions.
  1. Who do I know that sounds like this?
  2. Who do I know who ACTS like this?
  3. Who do I know who is the most likely person to think like this in private, but who presents a different face when in public?
If the answer to any of the three core nature questions is you, historically speaking (from a forensic psychology perspective), it might be time to consider letting go of the toxic pattern of habitually engaging in low quality, non-reflective thought processes.
Once you know better, strive to DO better. The fastest and most direct route to ending enmeshment with toxic thinkers is to be critically self-evaluative — not to foster toxic shame or persecute.
If you are incapable of change, self-reflection, or lifetime learning, chances are COLLAPSED NARCISSIST or the nickname “Traumatized Narcopath” describes you. If that makes you feel nervous, uncomfortable, or persecuted then you can 100% confirm to your friends, co-workers, romantic interest(s), and family members that a Cluster B personality disorder has functionally impaired you.
Fictional sitcom character ARCHIE BUNKER is a clear example of the personality type of a Collapsed Narcissist. Passive-aggressive, socially hostile, and politically aggressive, they tend to repress physical aggression by channeling it into abusing preferred scapegoats such as other people they envy, don’t understand, or simply don’t like.
They are conscience-free when it comes to abusing, deriving pleasure from bullying, abusing, and negative attention-seeking. It’s not that they don’t have preferences for being surrounded by other people that they claim to know and love, but when empathy processing centers in the brain are either unused, inactive, or they are biologically damaged or not present, continuing attempts to communicate on any meaningful level is actually cruel and unusual punishment.
Socially identifying Cluster B actors is necessary for all social agents of change incarnated in bodies not neurologically damaged, medically impaired, or morally pre-destined to behave in such grandiose and egocentric manners that the character of the person can best be described as a high functioning social predator who is, by nature and most likely enabled by nurture, to reach new social lows that are perhaps best described as MORALLY, if not clinically, insane.
Thank you to the website that shared this profound insight. We are profoundly grateful for the insight share and emergent scholarly research link.
Students, psychologists, and forensic psychologists who write self-help literature, advocate, act as life coaches, or people involved with explaining the meta-narrative to the general public are likely to find this politically themed psychology article filled with social psychology insight.
Share this post to show victim support. It’s a time-sensitive reminder that while Archie and Edith Bunker (as cultural icons) might be quarantined [for the meantime, somewhat] in hyperspace, that their psychological infection is starting to spread.
Threatening the physical, psychological, and social well-being of ALL human beings, including putting the future of mankind and the planet at risk, “political bloodlust” is the hate-fueling addiction people with flatlined neural processing centers engage in for no other reason than to self-promote in such a way as to alleviate their own existential BOREDOM.
The COLLAPSED NARCISSIST mentality is a direct threat to Empaths and emotionally sensitive men, women, and children everywhere.
Pair the research on brain scans relating to empathy and the rise of TYLENOL as a common base for over 600 commonly used pain medication.
Add fluoride to the water and criminalize medical marijuana and the American Utopian Experiment is on a trajectory not just for fostering a social atmosphere of Ambient Abuse, but the sourceless anxiety most Empaths are feeling (even if they are still eyes wide shut asleep) is truly their autonomic nervous screaming ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
It’s time to embrace the Christ Consciousness without being duped into believing martyrdom is moral or that enabling or tolerating and overlooking abuse does not do direct harm to all people victimized, terrorized, neglected, or abused.
Michael Moore, Jon Stewart, John Oliver, and Mike Rowe — let us know how #TeamEmpath and our staff can honestly help the most people.
Media seeking to define new role models for men would be well advised to create a new project comprised of survivor and HSP interviews. AI programmers, readers who work for NASA or on special contracts for the military and United States government, Scientists, and people with a love of lifetime learning would do well to reach out and consider the very real fact that like it or not, John Galt and Dagney Taggert might be functional and capable people in their own right, but Empaths require interaction with others on a profoundly meaningful, connectionsprep.com level in order to self-actualize.
Don’t believe us?
Ask Thomas Kuhn about how to spot an anomaly and Abraham Maslow.

Collapsed narcissists

By Jessika Endsley
Imagine a person who is the sole victim of society. Someone who – if it were not for the societal makeup of the world, if it weren’t for the images the public had been force-fed by the media, if it weren’t for the fact that making money required hard work, if it weren’t for the innate desire for others to be loved – would be a very happy, outgoing person. Imagine someone who, deep down inside, is one of the elite, the beautiful, and the charming; if it weren’t for all the chemicals in the air, they’d be pretty. If it weren’t for the fact that social skill can take a lot of exposure and practice, they’d be absolutely every woman’s dream. And with beauty and charm, they would automatically be rich. By no fault of their own, they are stuck in a low-income household, doomed forever to isolation. Any chance they had at a good life was destroyed by others while they were still young enough to enjoy it.
Now imagine reminding this person that they are responsible for their happiness, and that being “elite” requires putting in the effort. Then imagine them calling you crazy and selfish. And let’s say you believed them.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is an Axis 2 Personality Disorder alongside Psychopathy (Anti-Social Personality Disorder) and Borderline Personality Disorder. When most think of a Narcissist, they may think of a self-loving, extroverted celebrity who spends countless hours perfecting their appearance before going out to charm. This can be the case with the classical Narcissist, who has developed an excellent coping skill from a young age that allows them to function through a false-self and an inflated ego. However, clinical Narcissism is much more than just self-absorbed vanity, which is common in some amount in very healthy minds. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is marked by traits including lack of empathy, obsession with social status or grandiosity, superficial charm, and inability to listen to, or show any regard for, others. Every relationship, romantic or not, is a way for them to “feed” their Narcissism; they may love someone only as they would love their own pinky finger, and may miss someone as they would a severed limb (if severed limbs could regrow.) If you’re in a relationship with a Narcissist, remember that you are only an extension to them, and they don’t love you the same way you probably love them. Narcissists are emotionally stunted, although pinning a certain age on where the Narcissist’s emotional functions end would be an insult to children everywhere. A selfish six-year-old who daydreams of being an adored superhero and can’t quite grasp why mommy get so upset when he ruins her favorite decorations is rather normal, and forgivable. So is the tantrum he may throw when he does not get his way. But these traits in a fifty-year-old are worrisome and disturbing. Most people do continue to develop emotionally, and integrate with reality as the age, but when a person’s primary coping skills are stunted, many things can happen, including Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
It is agreed in many psychiatric circles that Narcissists subconsciously have deemed themselves unacceptable to others, and their conscious, self-perceived grandiosity is an overcompensation. How this happens varies and is up for debate. Was the individual born with a very sensitive temperament? Was the child used a measurement for a parents own self-worth? It is not shocking that Narcissism develops as a way to cope with extreme self-hatred, but a Narcissistic Personality is a house built on stilts. No matter how many pillars are holding it up, no matter what they are made, that house can come crashing down. No matter how many extensions and sources of Narcissistic feed an individual may have, there is always a chance of the personality collapsing from severe Narcissistic injury. When this happens, there are three main outcomes: the Narcissist gets a strong reality check and attempts to develop new coping skills, the Narcissist re-builds his safety net of feed and continues his behavior, or the Narcissist stays collapsed and poisons everything he touches from the ground up. Every Narcissist is damaging to associate with, but the third outcome is the one I have the most experience in dealing with, and is the one I wish to address here.

How the Narcissist Collapses

Narcissists of all kinds rely on a very fragile system of thoughts, behaviors, internalized ideals, outright lies, and sources of Narcissistic feed (also known as Narcissistic supply) to function. But, Narcissists themselves are volatile, unreliable, angry, immature, and erratic. This does not lead to happy long-term marriages or to stable careers, despite the many half-hearted attempts to create them; the people around them who are mistreated will eventually get sick of their shit and leave them behind. The Narcissist does not deal well with failure (or anything but stunning success) so having many failed relationships and careers only adds to the underlying lack of confidence. So while the Narcissist has done every self-destructive thing he could to ensure his own fall and abandonment by being erratic, self-absorbed, and abusive, he feels victimized and abused when it happens. He causes his own Narcissistic wound and then continues to pick at it until the entire limb is gone. The Narcissist has not lived up to his ideals and loses his human extensions, collapses, and settles into a mental loop of deluded, self-imposed nightmares. Maybe you see it happen, maybe you cause it, or maybe he has already been like this for years when you meet him. There are many scenarios that can help lead to a Narcissistic collapse, but “none of them are his fault.”

The Collapsed Narcissist’s Inner Landscape

The collapsed Narcissist knows that he does not feel emotions the same way others do. What he does feel, he cannot recognize appropriately. He knows that he is failing to make real connections to others, and he knows that he cannot bond; if he wasn’t aware of this before he collapsed, he is now. He now abhors the thought of faking interpersonal connections, because it’s the fault of someone else that he cannot do it naturally. In the case I have the most experience with, it was deemed the fault of the entire social structure of humanity that this Narcissist cannot form deep emotional bonds to other human beings because they have negative empathy (they don’t only lack empathy, they get off on manipulation and causing pain.) He grows more and more depressed as he observes people making connections in public; seeing happy couples, groups of friends, or even politely-chatting acquaintances sends him into ablind rage. Violent thoughts emerge from these experiences, and during particularly abusive outbursts, he may detail the harm he wishes to cause to the people he calls “normal.” And if you object, you are part of the problem which needs to be solved.The collapsed Narcissist grows from being discontent to being depressed. His self-hatred is not hidden behind charm or lies of success anymore, and he knows he does not love himself and that he does not love others “although he tries.” He does not need to lie as much, although he still contradicts himself because it’s the only way he knows how to communicate. One collapsed Narcissist I have dealt with lied to me about his age when we met, telling me he was twenty-seven. One sentence later, he was whining in-depth about how he had not ever had his chance to party yet was “almost middle aged.” A collapsed Narcissists defenses have been broken down by his abandonment and the world feels hostile and unreal to him. Narcissists are emotional leeches, and his supply is gone, leaving him with the shell that was his true being the entire time. Now he has only his fantasies and his self-imposed victimization to keep him occupied. The one upside to the chronically collapse Narcissist is that a more honest and complete picture of what Narcissistic mind can be formed using their self-depreciating honesty. If you are unfortunate enough to become one of his confidants, due to your own caring nature or your own almost masochistic curiosity, you will quickly learn that this person is extremely empty.
Trying to explain emotions and bonding to a Narcissist is akin to trying to explain color to someone who is entirely colorblind. It is frustrating and, when the Narcissist fails to understand or become “enlightened” to the world of deep feeling, he may accuse you of lying or conspiring against him. Logic does not work when speaking to a Narcissist. Even breaking down deep relationships and emotions using biological evidence about the purpose of, and the chemicals behind, basic human emotional bonding will send a collapsed Narcissist into a hysterical hissy fit. “You can’t possibly know what you’re talking about” and “People who form real connections don’t do it because of oxytocin!” are likely counter-arguments. Never mind that poets have never stopped trying to define love and that people have been philosophizing about emotions since the beginning of time; if you can’t explain it, you’re not really feeling it, and if you try to explain it, then you’re fake and even more of an emotional robot than the Narcissist.

Collapsed Narcissists’ Social Life

Unlike the classical, still-functioning Narcissist, a chronically collapsed Narcissist likely has no social life or a very small one. If he was married, he probably isn’t anymore, and he may speak briefly to immediate family when he needs something. Because of their dependence on the emotional supply of others, when a Narcissist loses his social life, he may grasp desperately at nothing. They may stalk online, learning everything they can about a person they will never meet, and may never actually engage in a conversation with them. He has lost faith in establishing and maintaining relationships, so he may cultivate false online identities to satisfy a small part of his need for admiration. But, no matter how “close” he gets to his online friend, he will harbor resentment and hatred at the supposed “definite knowledge” that he or she would never really like the Narcissist if they were to meet in person. The Narcissist hates himself to such an extent that he projects his own self-hated onto others; everyone hates him, so why bother improving anything about himself? Why bother being nice? No one would like the “real him” anyway, so why not just be an abrasive dick?
When a Narcissist who has spent many years as collapsed does decide to attempt social relationships, he becomes deeply infuriated and frustrated when things do not play out like they would in a party movie or a romantic comedy. Since Narcissists have no experience with real connections and true friendships based on mutual respect, they can only base “real” socializing on what is seen through entertainment. If you’re his “insider friend” and he confides in you, he will most certainly try to use you (and whatever social life you have left after maintaining prolonged contact with him) to grasp clumsily at new social experiences. He is so drained from having no real source of Narcissistic feed that he cannot be bothered with establishing and maintaining friendships; he will gulp down whatever he gets, even if it’s a drop. Going to a social gathering with a collapsed Narcissist is painful. He will likely spend ample time getting ready and then sit alone (or with you) while quietly raging about the audacity of the people around you to actually have fun, and if you’re feeling social, he will attack you for speaking to others. He will watch the other people closely and will hold it against each and every one of them for not “talking to him first.” It is not shyness, and it is not introversion; it’s pure malignant vanity.
A chronically collapsed Narcissist cannot accept that there are people who are happy spending time alone. If you do, as his confidant, he will most certainly assure you that you spend time alone because other people hate you. Any evidence otherwise (such as friends asking you to go out and you declining) will be taken as your being self-absorbed and arrogant; they don’t really want to spend time with you, or you would have gone! You may catch yourself wondering if people really do hate you, and giving yourself a mental slap to keep from growing insecure. Any negative trait the collapsed Narcissist has will be projected onto you. Before you know it, you’re a vain, selfish, arrogant, lonely liar but you’re part of the very problem that caused him to be unhappy and empty his entire life.

Narcissist Delusions of Innocence

Although a Narcissist who has had their identity collapse does often very openly hate themselves, he will still refuse to accept the part that he played in the outcome of his “awful” life. It is everyone else’s fault. It goes beyond blaming parents for a less than ideal upbringing. If he isn’t rich, it’s the fault of his upbringing for not being in the right area, or the fault of his school, or the fault of the way in which employees are chosen.It is never, ever, because he has given up on his hygiene and hasn’t applied for any jobs in the past two years, nor is it because he wore his shirt inside out to his last interview.If he cannot get a date, it’s the fault of everyone who didn’t go out with him. Never mind the fact that he didn’t ask anyone to go out with him. After all, they should be coming to him to be his date! If you decide to point out this loophole, he will remind you that any woman who would say yes to him would be “too ugly to bother with.” Just because he’s unlikable and probably unattractive does not mean he should have to settle for someone less than a twenty-five year old, female version of what he used to think he looked like (and yes, that is very often the case with Narcissistic preferences. Gross.)

A collapsed Narcissist will likely grow to be delusional and paranoid. Paranoia itself is a byproduct of self-absorbed thoughts, but when the paranoia belongs to a clinical Narcissist, listening to the mental gymnastics that the individual uses to make themselves into a victim of society can make you feel the need to preform constant reality checks on yourself. That show with the man that’s more attractive than he is came on because he was watching television. There is a happy couple at the coffee shop because it makes him unhappy and he cannot have it. Being intelligent has “suddenly become popular” because he isn’t as smart as others. In this way, the world revolves around him for the sake of making him unhappy. He is a living, breathing embodiment of every time a person thought “why me?” The delusions of the specific brand of fucked-up individual can be so apparent that you may wonder how he has escaped being locked away. In one instance, while I was close to one of these individuals, I made a very basic video for my psychology-based Youtube channel. While I was pacing in the video, I turned to camera toward the mirror to briefly show my Easter dress to my viewers; a few hours after uploading the video, I learned that I had been reported by the Narcissist for “showing his picture” on my latest video. A moment of my own mild vanity in showing off my dress in the mirror had somehow been warped into me showing a picture of someone I had never even taken a picture of. I met with the police and we laughed and laughed.

Surviving a Collapsed Narcissist

Being a confidant to a collapsed Narcissist (or any Narcissist) is damaging. It does not matter if you are an emotionally strong, non-delusional, well-adjusted individual; dealing with their delusional sense of entitlement and self-hatred will make you think you are crazy. You are not. Narcissists have an uncanny ability to gaslight everyone around them. They contradict themselves, they lie about things you did, they assure you that a lie is the absolute truth and may even suggest you seek help for not remembering events the way they are telling them. My relationships with Narcissists have happened due to my own curiosity and involvement with the mental health community. I cannot imagine the hell that people who marry these individuals go through, much less having them as parents. I can imagine that it requires a lot of therapy.
A key to survival is to end the relationship. It may be a friendship, it may be romantic, or it could be a relative, but keep in mind that to them, you’re a self-regenerating pinky finger at best. You will not be missed the same way you would miss someone you love and have spent much of your life with. You’re an emotional-food source, not a human being. Only by ending the relationship to the collapsed Narcissist will you be able to see clearly; no one can see clearly with one deluded hand over their eye and someone lying in their ear. Narcissists are toxic, and collapsed Narcissists don’t even have the decency to hide that fact. Part of their function is to make you question your sanity, and even once you’ve determined you’re dealing with a Narcissist, it will still be almost impossible to keep your head above water. Many people see a Narcissist for what they are and still cannot resist the urge to “help” them. For those people, I have very little advice other than to run towards someone who wants help and can be helped. It certainly isn’t the Narcissist.

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

Actions...NOT WORDS, Earn Trust!


In a relationship, whether with a child, your spouse, your love relationship, etc., actions are everything. You can say all the "I love yous" till Jesus comes back, but those are only words that need action to back them up. If you promise something KEEP YOUR PROMISES no matter what. ACTIONS EARN TRUST-NOT WORDS! I can't stress this enough. If you can't demonstrate wisely by your actions what you proclaim to feel then you probably don't really know the truth about what you want or believe. 

Be careful how you act because some actions can be misinterpreted. I'm not saying we need to walk on eggshells but how we act and what we say matters to those we do things to or say things to. Do not give place to temptation the pain you will suffer will be worse than you imagine...TRUTH! (Please hear me on this-it is vital to your spiritual life)


By Dr. James Dobson March 21, 2018

The surest way to build trust in a marriage or a relationship is through your actions. Build a record of choices and deeds that prove to your partner you can be trusted at all times in any situation.

Take flirting, for example. It may be harmless to show a bit of extra friendliness to a member of the opposite sex. But ask yourself, would my spouse feel comfortable if he or she witnessed this exchange? Would my actions earn trust, or would they raise doubt about my motives?

I urge you to be wary of pride in your own infallibility. The minute you begin thinking that an affair "would never happen to me" is when you become most vulnerable. We are sexual creatures with powerful urges. We are also fallen beings with strong desires to do wrong. That is what temptation is all about. Do not give it a place in your life. My father once wrote, "Strong desire is like a powerful river. As long as it stays within the banks of God's will, all will be proper and clean. But when it overflows those boundaries, devastation awaits downstream."

 
 If you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! (1 Cor. 10:12) 

Actions can affect trust in easy-to-overlook ways. When you promise to clean out the garage next weekend, make sure you do it. When you agree to limit your spending to a certain amount, follow through. Keeping your word in small matters builds trust in a big way.

See you next blog,
Ted

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

6 Memes About Narcissism


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6 Memes About Narcissism and the Lessons You Should Learn From Them

Updated on February 12, 2017
Kim Bryan profile image
Tennessee-based freelance writer with a passion for true crime, a thirst for knowledge, and an obsession with lists.
One internet meme says, "Narcissism is the only disease who everyone else suffers and the sick one gets left alone."

Sounds about right.

Source
Most experts agree narcissism is created from a traumatic event or series of events during the early years of life (whether it's the first two or three years or more, is highly debated) and actual narcissism - not to be mistaken for borderline personality which presents with narcissistic traits, is considered incurable. As a matter of fact, many therapists refuse to treat someone they believe to have Narcissistic Personality Disorder as they find it results in nothing much more than a challenge for the narcissist's manipulation skills.
Unfortunately, we all have a narcissist in our life whom we love and cutting contact simply isn't a choice for some. So what is one to do?
Understand. If you understand the narcissistic mind, suddenly their games are less frustrating, their insults are not hurtful, and their behavior becomes comical rather than terrifying.
You have the power to stop the narcissist, you just need to the tools to do so. The following six memes offer excellent clues on how to best deal with these annoying people.

1. Arguing with a Narcissist is Like Getting Arrested. Everything You Say Can and Will Be Used Against You.

While a narcissist can never remember the hurtful things they have said to you, they can remember every single thing you've ever said to them.

Source
Any time it suits their agenda - usually during a disagreement where they are seen in an unfavorable position, the narcissist will recount their skewed version of what you have said or done in the past and how said action hurt them.
What you need to understand is the narcissist is deflecting from their behavior by mentioning yours. It won't matter if those hurtful words you said were in response to something the narcissist said or done, s/he will only focus on themselves; their thoughts, their feelings. Before you know it, you're apologizing and the narcissist skips away once again not having to accept responsibility for the hurt they've caused.

2. Narcissist do what they want, when they want, and how they want...

...any minor adjustments they may make on behalf of others will feel to them like very selfless acts that deserve praise. A survivor is wise to remember that the narcissist's highest agenda is their own comfort and happiness..."

Source
It's all about their ego. Every action, every word is calculated; not necessarily consciously but never without thought to how they may benefit.
Everything they do and perceive as having done for you, they will remember and they will remind you of it any time you do not agree with them or do as they ask. It will not matter if it happened years ago or yesterday or whether said deed was beneficial to them as well or not.
What you should understand is if you are in contact with a narcissist, never accept nor ask for favors or assistance of any sort from him/her because it will be used to guilt or shame you in the future.

3. Philosophy of Narcissism 101


Source
The narcissist loves to make a covert confession by gossiping or telling someone about their flaws. At closer inspect, one would realize these noted flaws are ones the narcissists shares - thus, the confession.
When your narcissist tells you that you are bitter, angry, stupid, clumsy, a liar, a cheat, troublemaker, manipulative, or any sort any insult, you must understand and remember the narcissist is projecting all of their flaws on to you so they can maintain the perfect imagine they have of themselves.

4. Stop! You cannot effectively communicate with a person who uses emotional reasoning, projection, and blame to disengage...

...When you engage in this level of distress, you will lose control and react emotionally thereby giving the high conflict person the weapon he or she needs to hurt you. By disengaging you will stay in control of your emotions and the high conflict person will lose control."

Source
Narcissism feeds on frustration, confusion, and anger. I once heard someone describe arguing with a narcissists is like running on a treadmill; you can run for hours but when you stop, you're exhausted and still at Point A.
Truer words have never been spoken.
What you must understand is it is pointless to argue with a narcissist. No issues will be resolved, nothing will change. Arguments are nothing more than a war of wits off which they feed their egos. When you stop pointlessly bickering with them, you starve the narcissist.

5. Narcissists remain levelheaded until you speak logic, reason, and truth...

"...That's when they loudly claim that you're unbalanced."

Source
Narcissists are never wrong and to try to tell them otherwise equates to your being mentally ill. Some of the favorite lines of those with narcissistic traits include, "You need to get help!"; "Did you take your meds?"; and/or "There is something wrong with you not me."
What you should understand is the only thing wrong with you at the moment is you're allowing the narcissist to project their issues onto you. Don't bother telling them you know what they are doing, they're incapable of believing so; just walk away. It's the only choice. If you remain in contact with your narcissist, at least condition them such utterances will result in your departure.

6. A narcissist will use the phrase "get over it" because...

"...to them, your concerns are trivial and if it's not about them. then they're not interested."

Source
Your feelings and opinions matter not to the narcissist and you shouldn't waste your time trying to express such. The narcissist does not feel empathy and therefore cannot understand someone may not be feeling exactly like them at a particular moment or about a certain situation.
What you should understand is the narcissist does not care because they cannot care. They do not know how. The narcissist has zero empathy for others. Do not be fooled by those times they express emotion, it is merely an act.

Watch This Quick Tips Video

The NPDrecovery channel on YouTube offers a fantastic series of animated lessons on narcissism. The following video is one of my favorites as the speaker provides solid, non-confrontational tips on how to cope with the narcissist in your life.

Who Is The Primary Narcissist In Your Life? RUN! DON'T LOOK BACK!


I thought what Kim shared here is extremely important to understand. Learn from this. You do not matter to Narcissists except as a supply to use. They will even do things to try and elevate themselves in your eyes to get you back...please take her advice and RUN!
See you next blog,
Ted

Thursday, March 8, 2018

MEN! Do You Live This Before Your Family?

Dr. Dobson's March Newsletter
March Newsletter

Dear Friends,

Soon you and I will celebrate the most important holiday (literally, "holy day") on the Christian calendar. Easter is not primarily a secular observance designed to usher in the warmth of spring. Nor is it simply a day for children to hide eggs and overindulge eating chocolate bunnies. Despite modern culture's attempts to reinvent this day of celebration, Easter is, at its heart, the Christian commemoration of Christ's death, and, three days later, His emergence from the tomb, and all of the freedom and victory that those events entail. The resurrection is the historical marker that lies at the center of everything we believe, and within it is found the promise of eternal life for believers in Jesus Christ.

This good news provides the only satisfactory explanation for why we're here and where we're going. The final heartbeat for the Christian is not the mysterious conclusion to a meaningless existence. It is, rather, the grand beginning of a life that will never end. That's why we can proclaim, even at the graveside of a loved one who is a Christian, "Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" (1 Corinthians 15:55 NIV).

How extremely important it is for the man of the home to know the answers to these perplexing questions, and be able to lead his family in the paths of righteousness. When he accepts that spiritual responsibility as God intends, the entire family is likely to follow his example. "They replied, 'Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household" (Acts 16:31 NIV). This issue is of such significance that I feel compelled to devote the balance of this letter to the basic plan of salvation. Perhaps someone will comprehend the Christian message for the first time through reading these pages, which is my prayer.

I used to ponder a difficult theological question that appeared unanswerable at the time. It seemed strange that God would send His only Son, Jesus, to die in agony on the cross at Mount Calvary. I reasoned that God, as Creator of the universe, was in charge of everything. That entitled Him to make His own rules and establish His own boundaries. Therefore, it seemed to me that God could have provided any plan of salvation without accountability to anyone.

It was illogical to my immature faith that He would create a system that would ultimately require the suffering and death of His own Son on the cross. I could not comprehend why He would put Himself through such grief and sorrow on our behalf when He could have offered a less costly plan. I struggled with this issue as a young Christian and was perplexed by the questions it raised. I knew all the past answers given to me in Sunday school, and I could quote the scriptures. But none of the interpretations satisfied me.

It's interesting to look back on the things that troubled us in earlier days. I now have a better understanding of God's plan of salvation and what motivated it. And the explanation is of great significance for me, because it deals with the very essence of Christianity.

Before reading my conclusion about God's plan, you should know that I am neither a minister, nor a pastor, nor a theologian. I can make no claims to theological expertise. I do, however, know a little Greek and a little Hebrew. The Greek owns a gas station in Los Angeles, and the Hebrew runs a delicatessen in San Diego. That's a very bad joke, but it illustrates the fact that I am admittedly unqualified to speak as a biblical authority. However, this lack of theological training may help me communicate with other non-theologians in everyday language. If my explanation becomes a gross oversimplification for some people, I hope they'll forgive me.

Here, then, is my concept of the plan of salvation and why Jesus' death was necessary: It begins, as it should, with an understanding of God's nature. Throughout scripture, the Creator is represented by two uncompromising characteristics: His love and His justice. Both of these aspects are reflected in everything God does, and none of His actions will ever contradict either component.

The love and justice of God were especially evident when He created Adam and Eve. Obviously, He could have "programmed" them to love Him and obey His laws. This could have been accomplished by creating them as highly sophisticated robots or puppets. He did, in fact, program the brains of lower animals, causing birds to build a certain kind of nest and wolves to kill wounded elk. They have no choice in the matter.

Shirley and I used to have a wonderful little Dachshund named Siggie, who displayed an assortment of wired–in behaviors—about which neither of us had a choice. For example, he couldn't help barking when the doorbell rang, even if I threatened him for waking the baby. Nor could he keep from gobbling his food as though he would never get another meal. God had imposed instinctual behavior in Siggie (some of which I wanted to eliminate), which operated automatically and without learning.

But the Lord elected to put no instinctual behavior in mankind, leaving us free to learn. We have inclinations, urges, desires, feelings, etc. But we have no instincts. This explains the utter helplessness of human infants, who are the most dependent of all creatures at birth. They lack the initial advantages of unlearned responses but will later run circles around the brightest animals with "locked-in" reactions. Such is the nature of our humanness.

By granting us freedom of choice, therefore, God gave meaning to our love. He sought our devotion but refused to demand it. However, the moment He created this choice, it became inevitable that He would eventually be faced with man's disobedience. I've heard Christians speculate on what might have happened if Adam and Eve hadn't disobeyed God. The answer seems obvious to me. If they had not sinned, a subsequent generation would have. After all, if no one ever made the wrong choice, then there was no true choice to be made.

But Adam and Eve did sin, as we know, and thereby confronted God with the most serious dilemma of all time.

His love for the human race was unlimited, which required that He forgive His disobedient children. The Bible says, "As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him" (Psalm 103:13 NIV). That is an analogy I can comprehend. I know how I pity my children when they've done wrong. My inclination is to forgive them.

But, in spite of God's great love, His justice required complete obedience. It demanded repentance and punishment for disobedience. So, herein, was a serious conflict within God's nature. If He destroyed the human race, as His justice would require in response to our sinful disobedience, His love would have been violated. But if He ignored our sins, His justice would have been sacrificed. Yet, neither aspect of His nature could be compromised.

But God, in His marvelous wisdom, proposed a solution to that awful dilemma. If He could find one human being who wasn't worthy of damnation—just one individual in the history of mankind who had never sinned, a man or a woman who was not guilty—then the sin of every other person on earth could be laid upon that one, and he or she could suffer for all of us. So God, being timeless, looked across the ages of man from Adam to Armageddon, but He could not find anyone who was innocent. It would later be written, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23 NIV). There wasn't a person who was worthy of assuming the guilt, blame, and punishment for the rest of us. Therefore, the only alternative was for God to send His own Son to bear the sins of the entire human family. And, herein, we see the beauty of God's plan and the reason Jesus had to die. When He was crucified here on earth, Jesus harmonized the conflict between God's love and justice, and provided a remedy for fallen mankind.

Thus, Jesus said as He was dying, "It is finished!" meaning, "I have carried out the plan of salvation that God designed for sinful man." And that's why God turned His back on Jesus when He was on the cross, prompting the sacrificial Lamb of God to cry in anguish, "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?" (Matthew 27:46 NIV). In that moment, Jesus was bearing the punishment for all human sins down through the ages, including yours and mine.

This understanding of the plan of salvation is not based on guesses and suppositions, of course. It is drawn from the literal interpretation of God's Word. This message is, in fact, the primary theme of all scripture. The Old Testament says, "Jesus is coming!" and the New Testament says, "Jesus is here!" But if I had to select one passage to represent the concept I've presented, it would be the 53rd chapter of Isaiah (my favorite chapter in the Bible). It was written seven hundred years before the birth of Christ and provides an incredible prophecy of His mission. The summary of God's entire plan is presented in this one chapter. Read carefully:

1. Who has believed our message and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?

2. He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to Him, nothing in His appearance that we should desire Him.

3. He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces He was despised, and we held Him in low esteem.

4. Surely He took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered Him punished by God, stricken by Him, and afflicted.

5. But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed.

6. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.

7. He was oppressed and afflicted, yet He did not open His mouth; He was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before its shearers is silent, so He did not open His mouth.

8. By oppression and judgment He was taken away. Yet who of His generation protested? For He was cut off from the land of the living; for the transgression of My people He was punished.

9. He was assigned a grave with the wicked, and with the rich in His death, though He had done no violence, nor was any deceit in His mouth.

10. Yet it was the Lord's will to crush Him and cause Him to suffer, and though the Lord makes His life an offering for sin, He will see His offspring and prolong His days and the will of the Lord will prosper in His hand.

11. After He has suffered, He will see the light of life and be satisfied; by His knowledge my righteous servant will justify many, and He will bear their iniquities.

12. Therefore I will give Him a portion among the great, and He will divide the spoils with the strong, because He poured out His life unto death, and was numbered with the transgressors. For He bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the trangressors (Isaiah 53 NIV).

Isn't that a beautiful explanation of Jesus' purpose here on earth? It makes clear why God's plan necessarily involved His own Son—His grief and sorrow and death. Only by paying this incredible price could He harmonize the potential contradiction between love and justice, and provide a "way of escape" for mankind. It also explains why there is no other name by which we are saved and why we cannot escape if we neglect so great a salvation (Hebrews 2:3).

One important question remains to be answered: Men, just how does a person proceed, now, to accept this plan and follow the risen Lord? I believe there are two basic steps in that process (although some churches emphasize only one). The first is to believe in the name of Jesus Christ. John 3:16 (NIV) says, "For God so loved the world, that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life." Romans 10:13 (NIV) says it another way: "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." So, the first obligation for anyone is to accept what Christ did as being for him or her, personally. 

But, as I understand the scripture, and from my own theological perspective, there's a second responsibility which is often underemphasized. While it's true that you can't "work" your way into salvation—it is a gift of unmerited grace—repentance is still an important part of the process. It is surprising how many times this word appears in scripture. 

Here are a few examples from dozens of references to repentance in both the Old and New Testaments: 

Isaiah
This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it" (Isaiah 30:15).

Ezekiel
For I take no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Sovereign Lord. Repent and live! (Ezekiel 18:32).

Jesus
"The time has come," He said. "The kingdom of God has come near. Repent and believe the good news!" (Mark 1:15).

Jesus
I tell you that, in the same way, there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent (Luke 15:7).

Peter
Peter replied, "Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit" (Acts 2:38).

Peter
Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord (Acts 3:19).

Paul
In the past, God overlooked such ignorance; but now He commands all people everywhere to repent (Acts 17:30).

Paul
Yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us (2 Corinthians 7:9).

John the Baptist
But when he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees coming to where he was baptizing, he said to them: "You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the coming wrath? Produce fruit in keeping with repentance" (Matthew 3:7-8).

Luke
When they heard this, they had no further objections and praised God, saying, "So then, even to Gentiles God has granted repentance that leads to life" (Acts 11:18).

"REPENTENCE" is a word that's often misunderstood. What does it really mean? Billy Graham defined repentance as having three parts to it. The first is CONVICTION. You have to know what is right before you can do what is right. In simple terms, CONVICTION is a deep awareness of one's sin and guilt. The Holy Spirit draws us to Himself and gives us a desire to harmonize our relationship with Him. 

The second component of repentance is CONTRITION. Real contrition is more than just sorry I got caught. Contrition is being sorry for one's sin and depravity. When I knelt at an altar at four years of age, I wept like the baby I was. I certainly didn't understand the meaning of contrition, but I knew I wanted Jesus to forgive me for my sin and come to live in my heart. Don't tell me a child is incapable of understanding what that means. I experienced it, and that memory is as vivid to me now as it was all those decades ago. 

The third aspect of repentance is a willingness to CHANGE. It involves becoming a follower of Jesus Christ and changing one's behavior and thought patterns. The Apostle Paul warned us, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—His good, pleasing, and perfect will" (Romans 12:2 NIV). 

I think it would be helpful, in conclusion, to give an example of the kind of prayer that a person might pray if he or she understands what I've been writing, and wants to accept Jesus Christ as his or her own Lord and Savior. Let me express it this way:

"Lord, I bring You my sinful nature as you've revealed it to me. I know I don't have anything valuable to offer except myself and my love. I can't earn Your forgiveness, but You've offered it as a free gift from Your Son, Jesus Christ. I accept Your control of my life, and I intend to serve You, obey You, and follow You from this moment forward. You have my past, my present, my future, my family, my money, and my time. Nothing will I withhold. Thank You for loving me and forgiving me, and making me Your own. Amen."

I can't close without sharing a few more thoughts about Easter, which we will celebrate this year on April 1st. The amazing reality of this observance is that Christ's death and resurrection represent the God of the universe reaching down to His children in their own spiritual poverty, and rescuing them from the clutches of sin and despair. The Apostle Paul tells us that Jesus "made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross!" (Philippians 2:7-8 NIV). The knowledge that Christ poured Himself out on our behalf—and that through His life, death, and resurrection we are empowered to reach out to others in His Name—is a truth that is almost too wonderful to comprehend! Instead of suffering eternal punishment and separation from God, we have peace with Him and will someday inherit the gift of eternal life.

To those of you who are overwhelmed by the cares of life and burdened by the weight of the world during this Easter season, I urge you to look to the risen Christ. May His grace, peace, and presence surround you and your loved ones not only on Easter Sunday, but every day.

God's blessings to you all,
Dr. James Dobson

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