Where Revival Begins

 (excerpt from a CBN special by Bob Slosser during our Bicentennial year)

At a Governor's Prayer Breakfast in 1972, then Governor Ronald Reagan said: "I think our nation and the world need a spiritual revival as it has never been needed before ... a simple answer ... a profound and complete solution to all the trouble we face."

To Christian educators, Christian pastors, school principals, college professors, politicians, parents, to youngsters, people of every color and nation, and to even the pope who is trying to lead his church the way of globalism today -- the message is the same: "The time has come to turn back to God and reassert our trust in Him for the healing of America. '' There is only one God and one way to the Father...through Jesus Christ, the Risen Lord and Savior of mankind!

What did he mean when he spoke of healing? In a letter to a narcotics control commissioner in Brooklyn, he described a conversation with Pope Paul VI. "I told him of the so-called Jesus Movement in America and how so many young people had simply turned from drugs to a faith in Jesus. As you can imagine, he was not surprised, nor should we be, for He promised that He was our salvation."

Regarding rampant sexual permissiveness, Reagan wrote: "I don't believe the answer rests with government. No one can legislate morality. What we need is a spiritual awakening and return to the morals of a Christian society."

He pursued a similar theme on hedonism and humanism, replying to a questioner with these words: "I am deeply concerned with the wave of hedonism-the humanist philosophy so prevalent today -- and believe this nation must have a spiritual rebirth, a rededication to the moral precepts which guided us for so much of our past, and we must have such a rebirth very soon."

In a television interview during his 1980 campaign, Reagan was asked if he saw cause for hope of a reversal of "moral pollution."

Bob Slosser interviewed Ronald Reagan in the White House"Oh, yes," he replied, consistently the optimist. "It isn't too easy to see now, but I believe the tide has turned. I think that the hunger [for spiritual renewal] I mentioned earlier has become evident. I think the contrast of [the young people's] attitude today with a few years ago reveals this hunger. These problems won't be solved by some sudden sweeping over the land of a warning or something. It is going to come from within the people themselves. I think they are already feeling it."

In the same interview he spoke about insights he had picked up during the days and nights of criss-crossing the land seeking re-election. "There is one thing about campaigning," he said. "We talk about how hard it is, but when you go out across the country and meet the people, you can't help but pray and remind God of that passage in 2 Chronicles [about healing the land], because the people of this country are not beyond redemption. They are good people and I believe this nation has a destiny yet unfulfilled,"

Although his letters and conversation on spiritual renewal often dealt on an individual level, Reagan continually made clear that he was also speaking of the nation as a whole. He was especially pointed in a statement issued in connection with the nation's bicentennial celebration:

       We are daily reminded by godly truth leaders like Charles Stanley, Alistair Begg, Ray Pritchard, and other honest men of God that our strength and our greatness grew from a national commitment to God and country. Those institutions of freedom which became famous worldwide were forged in the fires of spiritual belief; yet today many of these institutions are in jeopardy.

    The time has come to turn back to God and reassert our trust in Him for the healing of America. This means that all of us who acknowledge a belief in our Judeo-Christian heritage must reaffirm that belief and join forces to reclaim those great principles embodied in that Judeo-Christian tradition and in ancient Scripture. Without such a joining of forces, the materialistic quantity of life in our country may increase for a time, but the quality of life will continue to decrease.

    As a Christian, I commit myself to do my share in this joint venture. You see, it always begins with one person who truly sees the danger of our continued rebellion against God's word. It begins with one...ME and then YOU! Thank you, Ray Pritchard for reminding us of our condition and the cure...it has always been at the feet of Jesus, our Lord and coming King!

 

 

Where Revival Begins

2 Chronicles  7:14

Pastor Ray Pritchard 

The Scottish poet Robert Burns said it this way:

“Would some power give us the gift
To see ourselves as others see us!”

 It’s a gift most of us need to receive more often. We all want to believe the best about ourselves. That’s natural, and it’s even healthy. But it’s also healthy to have someone hold the mirror in front of your face and say, “This is what you really look like.” It can be a very instructive experience.

Spiritual progress begins when we see ourselves as God sees us. It’s one thing when a friend says, “This is what you look like.” It’s another thing for God to utter those words. We can sometimes fool even our closest friends, but it’s impossible to fool the Lord. Hebrews 4:13 says, “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.” He knows what we say behind closed doors, the secret thoughts no one else can hear, the hidden motives, the buried ambition, and all the twists and turns of our sinful nature. He doesn’t have to uncover our thoughts; he already knows them.

This is a sermon about revival. Let’s start with the word itself. You revive something when you bring it back to life. You can’t revive something that has never been alive in the first place. That’s why revival is different from evangelism. Evangelism is preaching the gospel to the lost that they might be saved. Revival awakens the saved from a state of spiritual slumber. When God sends revival, the church wakes up. Or to give a more formal definition, revival is the sovereign act of God, whereby he calls his backsliding people to repentance, faith, and new obedience to him.

I grew up in a church tradition that emphasized “revival meetings,” usually week-long gatherings where a visiting minister would challenge us spiritually. I can remember sitting with rapt attention as Angel Martinez preached night after night at the church where I grew up. That was at least 50 years ago. Probably the greatest move of God I’ve been part of happened during a youth revival in May 1970. Lives were changed forever by the decisions made that weekend. I say that so you’ll know I’m not speaking against “revival meetings.” Not at all. They can be greatly used of God. I simply point out that revival is a sovereign move of God that can’t be scheduled in advance.

Our text comes from 2 Chronicles 7:14, which is perhaps the most famous verse on revival in the Bible:

“If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”
 

In the preceding verses the Lord lays out certain hard times that might come to the people of God. There might be a drought or a plague of locusts or an outbreak of disease in the land. 1 Kings 8 adds other times, such a crushing military defeat, or famine or blight or cities under siege by the enemy, or being sent into captivity. This verse is meant for God’s people whenever there is trouble in the land. The promise always applies, but in desperate times we need to pay close attention to verses like this.

I don’t need to convince you that this world is in trouble. A few hours ago news broke of yet another terrorist attack, this time in Germany. The attacks happen so often that they don’t surprise us anymore. 
2 Chronicles 7:14 was written for such a time as this. Let’s consider what it says under three headings.
 

I. The Subjects of Revival

  “If my people, who are called by my name” (v. 14a).

These two phrases tell us this verse is limited to those who know the Lord. In this political season, when clergy of all stripes rush to support their preferred candidates, it’s important to remember 2 Chronicles 7:14 was not written to the Democrats or the Republicans. This is not a blanket invitation that applies to anyone, anywhere, at any time. God limits this invitation to those who are “his people.” This is not, for instance, a verse that applies to the Hindus. Nor does it apply to mankind in general. This promise applies to those who know Jesus and to no one else. To be called by the name of the Lord means you have called upon the name of the Lord to be saved (Romans 10:13).
 

II. The Conditions for Revival

  “Will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways” (v. 14b).

Here are the four conditions for revival:
 

#1: Humility

What exactly is humility? Although many answers might be given, perhaps the simplest is that humility means seeing my true condition before God. After all, pride is simply taking credit for things that I’m not really responsible for. When we start feeling too puffed up about ourselves, we need to remember 1 Corinthians 4:7, “What do you have that you did not receive?” The answer is nothing. Not even Bill Gates can say, “I did this by myself.” To be sure, it took courage and ingenuity and commitment and perseverance to build Microsoft. Mr. Gates sits atop a multi-billion-dollar empire that didn’t happen by chance. Give that man all the credit he deserves. The same applies to every other successful man or woman in any field of endeavor. Kudos to anyone who has “made it” to the top. But just remember this. The strength to do the task, the intelligence to put together the plan, the skill to bring all the parts together, the courage to make it happen—all of it comes directly from God. It is true that between the richest man and the poorest man there is a great gulf in terms of worldly possessions. But on one point—the only one that counts—there is no difference. Both are alike the recipients of the grace of God. Neither man has anything to boast about. When we understand that, it changes the way we look at life, it changes the way we evaluate ourselves, and it changes the way we treat other people. If we are wise, it also changes our view of worldly success. We won’t base our self-image on our net worth when we believe God isn’t impressed with our bank account. We’ll have time for people because we understand we are all created by the same God.
 

#2: Prayer

What sort of prayer is the Lord talking about? It is the sincere prayer of a person who realizes his true condition. When I understand everything I have comes as a gift from God, my prayers will be filled with gratitude, love and praise. I will cry out to God, confessing how far short I fall of his divine standards. And every day I will remember the words of Jesus, “Without me you can do nothing” (John 15:5).
 

# 3: Seeking God’s Face

The phrase “seek my face” is a familiar one in the Old Testament. It has to do with the direction of my life. It is very similar to the fourth beatitude: “Blessed are they who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled” (Matthew 5:6). To seek God’s face is to hunger for a closer walk with him. Many of us know little of this because we fill our stomachs with spiritual junk food that never satisfies but keeps us from seeking nutritious food. The question is, what are you hungry for right now? Those who are hungry to know God seek one thing; those who are hungry for a career seek something else. What you are hungry for determines what you seek.
 

# 4: Turning from our Wicked Ways

At some point things have to change. We must repent. To repent means you turn from your wicked ways. You used to cheat on your wife, but now you don’t. You used to be lazy, but now you aren’t. You used to fill your mind with bitterness, but now you don’t. Once you were angry most of the day, but now you have turned away from anger. Once you were sloppy on the job when the boss wasn’t watching, but not anymore. Once you lived in lust for that which God has forbidden you to have, but not anymore. Once you lived to party on the weekends, but that life is part of your past. Whatever your wicked ways are, revival means turning from those ways to the ways that Please God. It means a definite break with the past and a deliberate change of direction.

If you think about it, these four conditions form a kind of progression:

You will never pray with any fervency until you see your true condition before God.
You will never seek God’s face until you begin to get serious about prayer.
You will never turn from your wicked ways until God becomes all-important in your life.

Humility leads to prayer. Prayer leads to seeking God’s face. Seeking God’s face leads to turning from our wicked ways.
 

III. The Results of Revival

  “Then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land” (v. 14c).

We need to think carefully about this because it’s easy to turn 2 Chronicles 7:14 into a formula for revival. Certainly the verse lays out a plan for us to follow. The word “then” encourages us to believe our crying to God will never be in vain.

Our tears are not in vain.
Our prayers are not in vain.
Our burden is not in vain.
Our sadness is not in vain.
Our desperation is not in vain.

Perhaps we can say it this way. When we are so dissatisfied with the status quo that we cry out to God for help, the answer will indeed come from heaven and things will begin to change. We must not limit God as to the how and the when. He is still the sovereign God who does whatever pleases him (Psalm 115:3). We must not dictate to the Lord about how the answer from heaven will come. He will answer in his own time, in his own way, according to his own will. But we have this assurance:
He will hear.
He will forgive.
He will heal.
  If we do our part, though it will seem very incomplete, God will certainly do his. If we humble ourselves, and if we pray, and if we seek his face, and if we turn from our wicked ways, knowing all the while that we still fall short, God will move from heaven to come to our aid.
 

Politics is Not the Answer

This verse gives me hope because we seem to be in a bad state today. I cannot remember a time when America was more divided than we are at this moment. As a nation, we have turned away from the Lord. How will we ever find our way back to God?

The answer won’t come from the White House.
Politics will not save us.
Putting another justice on the Supreme Court won’t heal our land.

I say that in full recognition that it matters greatly how we vote because it matters who sits in the White House and makes those judicial appointments. We have to vote. I’m all for speaking out and taking a stand.

But when all is said and done, our greatest need is not political; our greatest need is spiritual. We need another great awakening in our land. Perhaps it will come in our day. I certainly hope so. Perhaps we will see another Layman’s Prayer Movement sweep our nation. I’m certainly encouraged by the thousands who have come to the various state capitals to pray with Franklin Graham. I’m very glad about the hundreds of thousands who came to the National Mall in Washington, D.C. for the “Together 2016” event. Later this year a number of ministries are planning different events to call the church to prayer. I urge you to get involved in praying with others for revival. Across the nation churches have come together to pray in response to the shootings that have taken place. This is all to the good.
 

Praying in the Last Days

Let me add one final thought. I believe we are living in the last days before the coming of the Lord. It certainly seems like the “terrible times” of 2 Timothy 3:1 have come true in our generation. I don’t have any secret information about the date of the Lord’s return. I’m simply giving my observation on the basis of what the Bible says about the last days.

What if Jesus is coming soon? What difference should that make to us? Can we still expect a move of God in the last days of human history? With all my heart, I believe the answer is yes. Take a quick look at Luke 18:1-8, which we call the Parable of the Persistent Widow. Most of us know the story about the judge who gave the widow what she wanted because she wore him out by coming back again and again. It’s an easy-to-grasp lesson on the importance of persistence when we pray. That much is obvious. But here’s the kicker. Jesus ends the story this way: “Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?” (Luke 18:8). Where did that come from? This isn’t a parable about the second coming. It’s about prayer. But Jesus applies it to the situation on the earth when he returns.
What’s up with that?

We need to read this against the larger New Testament teaching that in the last days there will be a huge turning away from the Lord. It is sometimes called the “apostasy” or the “falling away.” You can read about it in Matthew 24, Mark 13, Luke 21 and 2 Thessalonians 2. As we rush headlong toward the return of Christ, we should expect to see exactly what is happening today:
False Christs.
Spiritual counterfeits.
Christians compromising their faith.
Pastors turning away from the truth.
Spiritual leaders who mislead the flock of God.

As the foundations of society crumble beneath us, we will see this happening more and more. All these things are just the “beginning of sorrows” (Matthew 24:8).
  We ought to read Luke 18:9 in light of those passages. In a world where truth has become entirely subjective, where feelings trump biblical commands, where we reinterpret the Bible to justify our sin, Jesus’ poignant question takes on a deeper meaning:
When the Son of Man comes…
Will he find faith in your church?
Will he find faith in your family?
Will he find faith in your heart?

While going through my files, I found the notes from the final sermon I preached at the first church I pastored after seminary. On that parting Sunday I told the people, “I have some prayers I have prayed for a long time.” I listed a number of requests I had brought before the Lord. My notes say I had just talked with someone whose marriage was in trouble because of an enslaving habit. They were in despair and needed a place to live. No name is written down, and I can honestly say that 33 years later, I have no idea who I was praying for back then. But I added this…

“Not all my prayers have been answered… yet!!!”

As we journey along through life, there will always be some prayers that haven’t been answered yet. Will we give up or will we keep praying? That’s what Jesus means when he asks, “When the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?”

Will he find anyone still believing or will everyone turn away?
Will he find faithful believers who still pray as the world self-destructs?
  We can make sure the answer is yes. We can do our part by praying persistently, unitedly, fervently, joyfully, and faithfully. I believe those end-time prayers will have great power with the Lord because they are offered in the face of persecution, ridicule, and rising unbelief.

God will not let those prayers go to waste.
 

Start by Looking in the Mirror

So where does revival begin? The answer is always the same. It begins with you and it begins with me. It’s one thing to talk about what stands between our nation and revival or between my church and revival. It’s always easier to confess someone else’s sins. Ask God what stands between you and a new experience of his power and blessing. If you ask in sincerity, God will surely answer.

Do we have to stay the way we are? The answer is, “No, but." We have to start by understanding “the way we are.” Once we see that, the possibility of genuine change and real spiritual growth is open to us. So I end where I began. Revival is not far away when we see ourselves as God sees us. It’s easy to say, “America needs to get right with God” or “My neighbor needs changing” or “My church needs revival.” Those statements can become excuses for evading our own responsibility.

The call of Christ is always personal. He calls us one by one to follow him. Perhaps we should repeat the Chinese prayer that goes this way: “O Lord, change the world. Begin, I pray thee, with me.” Revival begins with the person you see when you look in the mirror. Start there and by God’s grace revival will begin inside your own heart. 

7 SNEAKY THINGS NARCISSISTS SAY TO GET YOU BACK

There are those of you ladies and men who have become addicted to a certain behavior...it's called Narcissism! You have a NARCISSIST in your life that controls your reactions and behavior. They make you feel guilty, they make you feel responsible for their misery, they make you feel like you don't measure up unless you are pleasing them and even then you can't win! They are superior and they just brought you along to get you out of the ditch you were in! It is a never ending cycle of emotional abuse and more dangerous than even physical abuse because it affects your very way of seeing yourself! They know that and even when they are being nice they are planning the next cycle of abuse and you just can't believe that person you love could be capable of that! believe it! and get away as fast as possible!

https://letmereach.com/2016/07/18/7-sneaky-things-narcissists-say-get-back/

http://letmereach.com/2016/01/17/the-little-known-reasons-why-you-need-to-leave-the-narcissist-asap/

Narcissists rarely ever admit to it, but all of your worst fears regarding your relationship are playing out just underneath the radar of your awareness.

You know that ever-present, vague sense of dread you have in the pit of your stomach, wondering if they’re lying or telling the truth?  That’s your intuition, which can cause physical sensations in the body.

However, empathic and intuitive people sometimes get themselves into trouble by not listening to their intuition, which is very common when they find themselves in relationships with narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths. 

Admittedly, when it seems the narcissist will go to any length to get you back, it’s easy to mistake their trickery for genuine remorse and a desire to make things work when it’s really a calculated to appeal to your sentimentality and timed to catch you at a weak moment – often when you’re feeling vulnerable or reflective. It is a scheme meant to toy with your emotions in an effort to get you to soften up and reconcile.

It’s called Hoovering.

Hoovering is a technique that’s employed by manipulative and narcissistic con artists to suck their victims back into a relationship with them by exhibiting improved or desirable behavior. It’s named after the Hoover vacuum cleaner because the hoovering narcissist not only desires to suck you back into the relationship, but will ultimately treat you like dirt.

Verbal Trickery Used During Hoovering

We all know to avoid people who appear insane or abusive and not enter into or maintain intimate relationships with them. However, narcissists, psychopaths, and sociopaths are masters at hiding their personality and behavior abnormalities (and their pathological agendas).  The Narcissist in your life – employing very specific techniques of psychological manipulation – executes ultimate trickery in trying to get you back, while keeping hidden secrets that would literally bring you to your knees. 

Below, I map out the most common verbal cons of narcissistic spouses, fiancés, and partners of varying degrees of intimacy – and the maneuvers they’re pulling on you to scam you back into a relationship with them, thereby greatly reducing your true chance at freedom and a life without their traumatizing douchebaggery.

1.  “I’ve decided to go to counseling”

After numerous silent treatments, disappearing acts, and bait-and-switch schemes carried out by your toxic partner, you tell them you can’t live this way any longer and give them the much-needed boot.  They come back later, look at you with a straight face and all sincerity and announce, “I’ve been thinking about what you said.  I know it’s important to you and I want to make this work, so I’ve decided to go to counseling.”

Reality – The illusion that they are willing to “make it work” and go to counseling is one of the narcissist’s favorite tricks.  This may be in regards to their anger management issues, alcoholism, excessive jealousy, infidelity, or sex/porn addiction(often, a combination of all of the above).

It’s nothing more than a way to buy time. They have no intention of being honest in the therapist’s chair and, in fact, will use the opportunity to make you look unhinged, using their trip to the Dr.’s office as a way of learning the lingo to make you look like the unstable one, which causes you to further believe you’re the one with problems and feel lucky that the Narcissist “has agreed to stay with you”.

As a person who loves the narcissist, you may deeply want to believe that your toxic partner is being sincere because you hope they’ll finally go back to being the person they were in the beginning of your relationship.  They may even secrete a few tears in an attempt to drive home the point, but the unfortunate truth is that a large population of narcissists employ this trick and in no time, it’s back to business as usual – and the abuse is much worse. 

You’ll be hard-pressed to find a single documented case where a victim of narcissistic abuse has seen a happy ending due to the narcissist’s humanitarian, soul-searching “decision to go to counseling”.  In fact, it usually ends in the victim needing his or her own therapy because of the tricks and mind-games that ensue once they are deceived into giving the relationship another chance.

2. “I met them the last time we were broken up!” or in the case of constant viewing of pornography and masturbation-I swear I don't do that anymore!

“I swear I’m not in love with him/her.  It just so happened that I met them last time you and I were broken up and now they won’t leave me alone.  I’ve tried!”  or “I was only with them because I felt you weren’t totally invested in me.”

Reality – This humdinger is an attempt at having you sweep their infidelity under the rug in hopes that you’ll forgive them for “just being a human who wants to find love like anyone else.” Infidelity is not just a physical thing...it can be mental (FANTASY!) You become the lover your spouse craves in pornography! For you Christians, Jesus said it himself, in Matthew 5:27-28  It is called Adultery

27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’[a]28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

You see, in their fantasy they are having sex with the person they saw in pornography not YOU! How do I know that? The love-making is not about love...it is LUST and you are an object of that lust-no romance involved in it! You are a convenience for their fantasy life!

It’s also the perfect opportunity for them to triangulate, gaslight, and make themselves appear sought after while further wrecking your own self-esteem.  You may interpret the situation by thinking “They’re being unfaithful because I’m not desirable enough, the new person is probably much more confident than I am and the narcissist likes that, or I blew it by breaking up with them and now my chance at true love is slipping through my fingers.” 

This scenario is fabricated by the narcissist for the sole purpose of putting you in a situation where you become fearful that you’re going to lose them – motivating you to do whatever is humanly possible to keep their affections.  What you don’t realize during these episodes is that this pattern will be repeated in numerous ways because narcissists, especially those of the somatic and histrionic ilk, are always in various stages of relationships with other people – further, it’s entirely possible that your toxic partner met the “new” person long before your last break-up. 

3.  “Can we just be friends?”

They were unfaithful and you found out or they openly admitted to an affair and left, saying they were in love with someone else. You heard all the reasons why you could never be an ideal partner for them.  Months, weeks, or even mere days later, they came back with a sob story of how they cannot choose, they made a mistake, and don’t want to live without you.  In the middle of the discussion, he or she turns, gives you a pensive look and says, “I know we can’t be together, but I care about you a lot and don’t want to lose you completely.  Can we just be friends?”

Reality – Let’s be friends for the narcissist means let’s be friends — with benefits. 

Don’t fall for the “let’s be friends” ploy.  Doing so will land you straight in La La land, where you will spend months, if not years, tolerating their multiple sex partners, disappearing acts, and your making monthly visits to the doctor’s office to ensure you haven’t contracted an STD.  It’s easy to believe the Narcissist when they come around pretending to have second thoughts about the whole thing when, in fact, they’ve realized someone else would eventually try to win your heart and that sure as hell isn’t going to happen if the narcissist has anything to do with it!

It’s also a wonderful façade for their public image, considering how “admired” they must be to be able to maintain friendships with past partners.  Just imagine their chorus line during the smear campaign, “Yeah, I just stayed friends with her because I felt sorry for her, even though she’s telling everyone how abusive I am”.  Voila!  The Good Samaritan in action!

4. “I knew you weren’t right for me”

After your heroic efforts at absorbing the narcissist’s explosive outbursts and smoothing spackle over the gaping holes in your relationship, the narcissist “ends things” by smugly announcing “I knew you weren’t the right person for me.”

Reality – This trick seems counterintuitive because on the surface, it seems the narcissist is discarding you, but in most cases this move is a ploy to keep you in the discouraging cycle of trying to prove your worth and “win back” their love.  So, you strive to redeem yourself, resurrect the relationship, and hope for a positive outcome.

You toe the line. You become the poster-child for obedience. You hold out for the golden days to reappear. 

But what are the narcissist’s thoughts regarding the resurrection of the relationship?

The narcissist isn’t feeling grateful that the two of you have reunited. As far as they’re concerned, your herculean mission to win them back is proof of their supremacy and magnetic desirability. 

In the narcissist’s mind, your operation to win them back is because you are clearly dependent on them emotionally – and the narcissist will seize on your feelings of vulnerability and fragility to the fullest. Following a mechanical reconciliation phase, they will immediately seek to manipulate and exploit you.

5. “I’m sorry for hurting you and I vow to make it up to you”

This is a favorite ruse used globally by narcissists of all types (the general exception being the cerebral narcissist).  That’s because the narcissist’s partners are typically of the cooperative, empathic, tolerant, altruistic, and forgiving type and the narcissist has no qualms about exploiting these traits to the nth degree.  When the narcissist shows up with flowers, jewelry, and tears (on bended knee for effect), his or her compassionate partner turns into putty, forgetting all wrongdoings and imagining a better future, which usually includes growing old together and holding hands while walking through the park.

Reality – Unfortunately, the narcissist’s thinking is entirely different from yours in regards to reconciliation.  Their thoughts are usually centered on how they are going to hook up with the side-supply now that you’ve thrown a monkey wrench into their routine by demanding to be treated with respect. 

6. “I love only you”

Narcissists are notoriously unfaithful.  Therefore, they often try to make it appear as if they have no control over the fact that they are a “sex addict” or “bad at being monogamous” – they are only with those other people for “fun”.  The only person they really love is you.  You’re the only one that accepts them, warts and all, and offers them a place to come home to at the end of the day; a place to fall and help all their worries go away.  It’s you and them against the world.  They confess they are messed up, maybe a little crazy, but it’s because you are so connected to them that they love only you.  Don’t they always come back to you?  Don’t they sleep in yourbed?

Reality – Persuasiveness and charm are the primary traits of narcissists and psychopaths. There’s no doubt you are unique and special, but the Narcissist doesn’t appreciate those things in you.  What they are working towards is keeping the number of his or her admirers high.  The more people they have adoring them, the better…and they are telling their other partners the same thing.

7. “I’ve had an epiphany”

They were driving to work and it suddenly occurred to them, the two of you were meant to be together.  It all became crystal clear in a matter of seconds.  They don’t know how they didn’t see it before.  In fact, the two of you should get married…and the sooner the better.

Reality – No amount of sharing your pain will cause a spontaneous character transplant on your partner’s part or induce The Divine Epiphany where the angels touch down and instill keen insight into the narcissist’s brain as to how much pain they’ve caused you, dropping them to their knees in the posture of a repentant sinner. 

It just won’t happen. 

The doomed nature of toxic relationships decrees that — as much as you might wish differently — you’ll need to get to a place of acceptance that your relationship with the narcissist will be no exception to the rule. 

Moral values do not come into question when narcissists are desperately seeking to hook you back into a relationship. They will shamelessly try to pick up right where they left off with no regard as to the emotional or psychological harm they caused that triggered the original breakup. 

You will never be in control of your self-esteem or your emotions as long as the Narcissist is in your life.  Even a seemingly innocent act or comment on their behalf comes with a high price.  There is a motive for every single thing they say and do. Breaking No Contact may give you temporary relief, but the long-term effects would be harmful, if not fatal, if you go back to them.  You cannot gain genuine relief from the very person who hurt you.  Breaking up with a Narcissist equals cutting them out of your life completely without giving them a chance to “explain themselves”, because whatever explanation they would give you would only be another manipulation.

See you next blog,

Ted

What I Learned When I Got Hurt!

I don’t know if you have felt despised, like a loser or just simply abandoned. You may be facing death itself with terrible pain. You may have had your heart broken so many times that you just want to quit trying to care. You may have lost loved ones that should not have died so early and were so full of life. You may have been diagnosed with an ailment that is a slow killer and so you become depressed and just decide to give up. You may live with a monster for a spouse that only cares about themselves and when the chips are down...you can't count on them to lift you up! In fact they may beat you up verbally, physically, emotionally. If you are called a human being you should be able to identify...I have had some of those feelings. As a teen, like may other teens, I’d wished that I’d never been born more times than I could count. But some time ago something wonderful had transpired. I learned that Almighty God covered me and took me to himself. I wasn't anyone special, but I was his child. He is my best friend; he has healed my broken heart more times than I can count and he is binding up my bruises that life has left me with. This is not just something to write to have something to say...it's true! When I was young, I used to hear older Christians say stuff like that and I thought they were delusional or senile! But the Lord does keep his promises, even when we don't feel like responding. However we have to take the first step and read HIS WORD in order to understand how it all works.

He heals the broken-hearted And binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

“The light of the moon will be as the light of the sun, and the light of the sun will be seven times brighter, like the light of seven days, on the day the LORD binds up the fracture of His people and heals the bruise He has inflicted.”  Isaiah 30:26

“Jesus said this himself, “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he has sent me to heal the broken-hearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are bruised…(oppressed).”  Luke 4:19

We get bruised just by living in this world, a world involved in the war between good and evil. Bruises and broken hearts come to all of us in one way or another. There is no way out of the misery of a broken heart, or trials that come our way, but through it, and it is infinitely better to go through it with God holding us by his right hand. Going through it alone only brings on debilitating depression and an attitude of "feel sorry for me." There is NOTHING WORSE THAN A CRY-BABY WITH WHISKERS IN THE CRADLE WHINING OVER THE PAIN or LOSS! I know that sounds harsh but I have seen so many grown men and women who feel so sorry for themselves because life handed them a couple of raw deals...guess what? We are all going to be handed raw deals in our life-time. If we are smart, we learn to trust God to bring us through it without whining. Whining gives you nothing, depression only brings you more misery!

What is the solution you ask? Simple and true...COURAGE! The courage it takes not to let things take you down and keep you there. It's easy to give up, the streets are full of homeless who have given up. The mental wards are full of people who just stepped off into the abyss because things got too hard. Suicide is on the increase because it seems the only way out of a life of misery and pain. Prisons are over-populated because crime and preying on our fellow man seemed to be the only answer to our pain! According to the latest physician reports, there are more people using OPIATES now than ever before for pain, they feed their emotional and physical pain with a DRUG! COURAGE to change the pain in our lives into something useful and make it a springboard to a better way of living...chin up, face the problem, take a few baby steps in the right direction, through the terrible pain and ask God to get you through it. YOU CAN! Blessing is right around the corner if we will only learn to trust Him! God, our Father has promised it! If this sounds naive, I know some people who didn't give up and give in the ailments that almost killed them.

I know a woman right now who was terribly scarred by boiling water as a baby, had breast cancer, vaginal peritonitis in child birth, a rare, cancerous sarcoma that took out everything connected to her uterus, and she was told she was probably going to die. She felt like she would never see her kids graduate high school...but God! Yes, God brought her through it all and she is eight years out of cancer. Her own husband betrayed her by calling her names when she chose to sit in the quite and read the Bible for comfort. She chose to trust her God when the facts said it's all over! If you ask her friends what she is like they will all say the same thing...she always has a smile, and a word of encouragement to offer.

David was acquainted with grief, he probably committed some of the most heinous sins in the Bible,  but he knew something about his God!

Psalm 139
1 You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.

This is one of the most intimate passages in the Bible. It speaks of a God who knew us before we were even born. KNEW ALL OF OUR SINS, DISAPPOINTMENTS, STUPIDITIES, FAILURES, TRIUMPHS AND TRAGEDIES AND CHOSE US BEFORE THE FOUNDATION OF THE WORLD! WOW!!! The TRUTH is that nothing comes to us but that God already knows and will WALK with us through it and bring us to the other side!

“Yes, even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me.” Psalm 23


I’m reading through Isaiah now, and came upon the above scripture. It reminded me of a sermon I heard of a parable of how much God loves us and wants to help us. God is speaking in this parable about the children of Israel, but the same love he had for them thousands of years ago he has for everyone. 

So GOD, through a prophet gave them a story of an abandoned baby:

“On the day you were born your cord was not cut, nor were you washed with water to make you clean, nor were you rubbed with salt or wrapped in cloths. No one looked on you with pity or had compassion enough to do any of these things for you. Rather, you were thrown out into the open field, for on the day you were born you were despised.

“ ‘Then I passed by and saw you kicking about in your blood, and as you lay there in your blood I said to you, “Live!” I made you grow like a plant of the field. You grew and developed and entered puberty. Your breasts had formed and your hair had grown, yet you were stark naked.

“ ‘Later I passed by, and when I looked at you and saw that you were old enough for love, I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your naked body. I gave you my solemn oath and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Sovereign Lord, and you became mine.  
Ezekiel 16:4-8

Young man, young lady or you adults facing difficult times...God has not forgotten you but you may have forgotten Him. It is time to renew that first love and begin to trust Him to put your broken heart back together and start fresh. His help is a prayer away but you have to start the relationship. He never moved...we did!

In his love,
Ted

Unquestioned Integrity

One of the problems with writing a blog is deciding what to write. It's not as if we don't have enough opinions about things as to not write, it's deciding what will make the most impact and how to make others think about things that really matter. Pastor, Ray Pritchard, a man I gladly call a friend, has helped me decide what is best for my life on many occasions. Ray is a man of Unquestioned Integrity and I realized I have not always been! It was easier, at times, to follow the example of water and electricity and take the path of least resistance. It has been an error that has cost me more than I care to expound on.

We have a Presidential election coming up and I think party lines are not necessarily the wisest choice for either side, however in this election we have INTEGRITY issues on both sides. The future of our country is at stake more than it has been in years passed. Please vote based on which candidate has the most integrity, not that there won't be room for more use of it in the future. But the most important part of this blog is to remind all of us that to walk in INTEGRITY is more important than anything we accomplish in this life. How do you really want to be known, as successful in your career because you were willing to bend the rules to get ahead, or as a person whose INTEGRITY is unquestionable?
 
Unquestioned Integrity
1 Thessalonians 2:1-6
by Pastor Ray Pritchard

Many years ago my brother Andy took me to visit a cemetery outside Florence, Alabama, near the remains of an antebellum mansion called Forks of Cypress. The mansion was built in the 1820s by James Jackson, an early settler of northwest Alabama. Andy and I walked among the ruins of the mansion and then crossed the country road into the dense forest on the other side. After a quarter-mile we found the Jackson family cemetery. There is no sign marking the spot, only a five-foot high stone wall surrounding about 50 graves. Inside we found a tall marker over James Jackson’s grave with a long inscription extolling his virtues.

As I walked along, my eyes fastened on the marker for one of his sons, William Moore Jackson. There was his name, the dates 1824-1891, and this simple five-word epitaph: “A man of unquestioned integrity.”

Five words to sum up an entire life.
“A man of unquestioned integrity.”
I cannot think of a better tribute.

Then the thought came. What will they put on my tombstone?

No Loose Ends

The dictionary uses words such as “whole” and “complete” to describe what integrity means. To borrow a modern expression, a man with integrity has his act together. There are no loose ends that threaten his reputation. Warren Wiersbe offers this definition:


    Integrity is to personal or corporate character what health is to the body or 20/20 vision is to the eyes. A person with integrity is not divided (that’s duplicity) or merely pretending (that’s hypocrisy). He or she is “whole”; life is “put together,” and things are working harmoniously. People with integrity have nothing to hide and nothing to fear. Their lives are open books (The Integrity Crisis, p. 21).


We have an integrity crisis today. Americans are not only deeply divided; we don’t know who to trust. How does that apply to the church today? Only a ministry with integrity will stand the test of time. Everything else fades away—fads come and go, glitz will attract people but it won’t hold them, good programs lose their appeal, new buildings grow old, pastors stay for a while and then leave. But integrity never goes out of style.

1 Thessalonians 2 has been called “a minister’s manual.” It is that and more. Every pastor would be well-advised to revisit this text at least once a year to measure his ministry by this standard.  

Everyone knows there is a shortage of godly leaders.
Everyone knows leadership is difficult.

How can we be effective?
How can we change lives?
How can we impact the next generation?

Paul and Silas “turned the world upside down” (Acts 17:6). How did they do it? What was their secret? We find four answers in 1 Thessalonians 2:1-6.

#1: They Preached the Gospel in Spite of Strong Opposition

“You know, brothers, that our visit to you was not a failure. We had previously suffered and been insulted in Philippi, as you know, but with the help of our God we dared to tell you his gospel in spite of strong opposition” (vv. 1-2).

Dr. Bob Jones, Sr. often remarked that “the door of opportunity swings on the hinges of opposition.” Paul certainly found that true in Thessalonica. In Philippi he and Silas had been stripped, beaten, and jailed. Only a midnight earthquake had freed them. They left after the city authorities begged them to go, fearing civic unrest and perhaps another act of God (Acts 16). When they arrived in Thessalonica, things weren’t much better. They were forced to leave the city much earlier than they had planned (Acts 17:1-10).

What was Paul’s response to all this? “We dared to tell you his gospel in spite of strong opposition” (v. 2). Gospel ministry is rarely popular. For every person who receives us gladly, many more will have nothing to do with us. If we are waiting to win the world by acclamation, it isn’t going to happen. Jesus warned us that “If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first” (John 15:18). Sooner or later those words will come true for all the servants of God.

What are we to do in the face of opposition or indifference?

                     
             1.  Refuse to be intimidated.
             2.  Keep on praying.
             3.  Keep on keeping on.
    

Paul just kept on preaching. If they listened, that was good. If they didn’t, that was too bad. If they opposed him, he didn’t stop. If they attacked him, he kept on going.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is to keep on doing what you are already doing whether anyone pays attention or not. If you keep doing right long enough, sooner or later it will pay off.
  
Someone has said that the real measure of a person is what it takes to stop you. We all want to be witnesses for Christ. We truly want to make an impact. The people who make a real difference depend so much on God that they aren’t fazed by the opposition.

#2:  They Spoke the Truth with Integrity

“For the appeal we make does not spring from error or impure motives, nor are we trying to trick you.  On the contrary, we speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts” (vv. 3-4).  Notice what Paul says in these verses:

1. Our message is true— “not from error.”
2. Our message is pure—”not from impure motives.”
3. Our message is honest—”not trying to trick you.”
4. Our message is trustworthy—“entrusted with the gospel.”

We can understand better when we consider the spiritual condition of the ancient world. Leon Morris summed it up with these words:


    There has probably never been such a variety of religious cults and philosophic systems as in Paul’s day. East and west had united and intermingled to produce an amalgam of real piety, high moral principles, crude superstition and gross license. Oriental mysteries, Greek philosophy, and local godlings competed for favor under the tolerant aegis of Roman indifference. “Holy men” of all creeds and countries, popular philosophers, magicians, astrologers, crackpots, and cranks; the sincere and the spurious, the righteous and the rogue, swindlers and saints, jostled and clamored for the attention of the credulous and the skeptical.


In light of those conditions, Paul stresses his moral integrity. When he says his message does not come from error, he highlights the truth content of the Christian faith. He is not spreading falsehoods or aimless speculations. When he says his message does not come from impurity, he means that he is not using the gospel as a cover for sexual immorality.

The word for “trickery” comes from the waterfront. It means to “bait the hook.”  Paul didn’t use his preaching as a come-on to entice the Thessalonians into following him or giving him money. He was not running some kind of religious shell game like a sideshow huckster at a carnival.

When he says that he has been entrusted with the gospel, he emphasizes the high honor God has given him to preach the gospel. As a sacred trust, it required the highest moral and ethical standards.

America is in trouble. We have lost our way as a nation. The events of the last few days illustrate how lost we are. I believe America is already under God’s judgment. If you doubt my words, read the headlines. We have lost our way morally and spiritually. No wonder our nation is torn into competing factions. No wonder we don’t trust our leaders. No wonder we can’t get along. No wonder we can’t agree on what marriage means or what it means to be male and female. When you turn away from God, you end up with total moral anarchy. We aren’t far from that now. We are seeing Romans 1 come true before our eyes.

In times like these, it’s not enough to speak the truth. We must back it up with a godly life. Unbelievers understand this. That’s why the cause of Christ is hurt so badly when televangelists fall into sin and pastors turn out to be hypocrites. People expect more from those who claim to represent God. They hold us to a higher standard whether we like it or not.

Paul says that God has “approved” him to preach the gospel. Could God say the same thing about you? Could God place his stamp of approval upon your life? Paul answered yes unequivocally. What about you?

# 3: They Refused All Trickery
                         
“You know we never used flattery, nor did we put on a mask to cover up greed—God is our witness” (v . 5).

In verse 5 Paul discusses the methods he used to reach people. Once again he states it in the negative.


         We never used flattery.
         We did not put on a mask to cover up greed.

The word “flattery” means to make a favorable impression for a selfish purpose. It touches such areas as insincere compliments, praise given that we do not mean, using emotional manipulation, and insincerity as a matter of policy. By contrast, Paul was a plain-spoken man. He said what he meant and meant what he said. You never had to wonder, “What did he really mean by that?” If he was pleased, he said so. If he wasn’t, he said so. In the vernacular, he was a straight shooter.

You put on a mask to cover up your real intentions. Like an actor wearing a mask, many people appear to be one thing while in fact they are something else entirely. They say and do things that appear to be generous and even magnanimous to gain a personal advantage—a paycheck, a bonus, a pat on the back, an award, a new contract, a big sale, a new account, a better office, or a new job.

Surveys tell us the # 1 complaint the unchurched have about the church is that we are just after money. That’s nothing new. They made the same complaint against Paul 2000 years ago. And the answer is always the same: Check us out.

Look at the way we live. Watch our lifestyle. Check out our missionaries. They could have made more money by not being a missionary. Yet they go to the ends of the earth, learn a new language, enter a new culture, and live among people who aren’t always happy to see them. They do it gladly and without complaint. 

# 4: They Sought Praise from God Alone

“We were not looking for praise from men, not from you or anyone else” (v. 6).

This goes to the question of motive. What made them act this way? Paul uses a word that means to eagerly seek. That’s the key. It’s not wrong to receive praise from men, especially for a job well done. Good work ought to be praised. However, it’s wrong to do your work solely—or even mostly—for the praise of men. We don’t need some kind of spiritual PR Department to make us feel better about ourselves. What we want and what we seek is the praise of Almighty God.

In verse 4 Paul spoke of not pleasing man but God. Let’s set up a comparison of those two ideas for just a moment:

Man-Pleaser: Refuses to speak hard truth                
God-Pleaser: Willing to speak hard truth
 Man-Pleaser: Says what people want to hear                                                   
God-Pleaser: Says what people need to hear

Man-Pleaser: Flip-flops on crucial issues                                              
God-Pleaser: Consistent at all times

Man-Pleaser: Obedient when convenient                                            
God-Pleaser: Obedient even when it hurts

Man-Pleaser: Tells the truth most of the time                                                   
God-Pleaser: Tells the truth all the time

Let us suppose you have been feeling sick lately. When you go to the doctor, he administers a test. The results are not good. The outlook is grim, but the disease is treatable if you get started now. What do you want the doctor to do? If he tells you the truth, you’ll be devastated. If he doesn’t, you’ll be dead. Would you rather have him sugar-coat the truth or even lie to you? Or do you want to know the whole truth about your condition? I know my answer. When I go to the doctor, I want to know the whole truth even if it hurts.

When life and death issues are at stake, only the truth will do. When it comes to the gospel of Jesus Christ, the stakes couldn’t be higher. Christians must be people who hold to the highest possible standards of truth and integrity.

Hard Times Ahead

Let me close by reminding you that hard times are upon us. Christians around the world are under attack for their faith. For a long time, we thought the troubles would be “over there,” on the other side of the ocean. But as things have changed in the West, the culture has gotten more hostile to the Christian faith.

We shouldn’t be surprised because Jesus said this would happen. We are sent out every day like sheep among wolves (Matthew 10:16). Given today’s spiritual climate, many people think it’s better to keep your head down and say nothing about your faith. But we don’t have that option as Christians. Sooner or later we’re all going to have to take a stand. Perhaps the most encouraging thing about Paul’s defense of his ministry is what he didn’t say. After suffering so much persecution, he doesn’t say, “I’m going to change my message to be more effective. I need to understand the felt needs of the Thessalonians better. I’ve got to stop telling them that idol worship is bad. People will think I’m just a negative troublemaker.”

He stood his ground.
He didn’t back down.
He kept on preaching the gospel.

God help us to do the same.

Let me go back for a moment to that forgotten tombstone and those five simple words: “A man of unquestioned integrity.” You could say that about the Apostle Paul.

He preached the gospel in spite of strong opposition.
He spoke the truth with integrity.
He refused all trickery.
He sought praise from God alone.

What a terrific testimony. It’s a worthy goal for all of us. A familiar hymn sums up his approach to ministry:


    Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
    Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
    Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
    High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.
    (From “Be Thou My Vision” by Eleanor Hull)
    

No wonder they said of Paul and Silas, “These men who have turned the world upside down have come here also” (Acts 17:6).

That’s impact.
That’s why we’re still talking about Paul’s ministry 2000 years later.

Lincoln and His Critics

But how can I say that Paul was a man of unquestioned integrity when his opponents questioned everything he did? The answer is, people can say whatever they want. We can’t stop others from lying about us. If we stand for Christ in these troubled times, we are bound to be criticized by someone. Paul nowhere tried to silence his critics. He simply said, “Look at my life. That’s all the answer you need.” Integrity means living with nothing hidden because you have nothing to hide.

Let people say what they will. We can’t stop our critics, but we can make sure what they say won’t stick to us.

Don’t worry about your critics.
Focus on pleasing the Lord.
Do the right thing.

Abraham Lincoln said it this way:


    “If I were to try to read, much less answer, all the attacks made on me, this shop might as well be closed for any other business. I do the very best I know how – the very best I can; and I mean to keep doing so until the end. If the end brings me out all right, what’s said against me won’t amount to anything. If the end brings me out wrong, ten thousand angels swearing I was right would make no difference.”

If we live to please the Lord, in the end it won’t matter what our critics say about us. Earlier I passed over one little comment that may in fact be the key. Paul said, “We were bold in our God” (v. 2 KJV). When you have a firm grip on God and he has a firm grip on you, you can be bold. Why be afraid when God is on your side? Get to know the Lord. Rest in him. Don’t build your ministry and then add God. Build on the rock called God, and let your ministry rest on that divine foundation.

When you start with God, no one will have to tell you to be bold. You’ll be bold and the world will wonder where your courage comes from.

Lord Jesus, help us to live the truth and not just to speak it. Give us the boldness that comes from knowing you. Help us to turn our world upside down with the Good News of Jesus. Amen.

Copyright © 2016 Keep Believing Ministries, All rights reserved.
This email list allows you to receive the free sermon email from Pastor Ray Pritchard, President and founder of Keep Believing Ministries.

Thank you Ray,

See you all next blog,
Ted

DEFINING THE NARCISSIST-WHAT EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW!

A NARCISSIST is simply a master manipulator in word and deed, and their weapons are denial, playing the martyr to gain sympathy, division, control, accusations, pathological lying, verbal slander, crazy-making, physical harm to include threating gestures, gas-lighting, etc.. They are not capable of truly loving, but they can use love like gestures to get what they want. They plan carefully the GAME they play. The goal is trample or at least manage everyone that they deem as a threat to their extreme insecurities. They have a facade of confidence and superiority to fool anyone as to who they are. They are hopelessly delusional. They are always right, always the one to admire, and as poisonous as any terrible serpent you could run across. Imagine a sometimes benevolent, but sadistic dictator. They feed you niceties but are actually planning the next trick to strip you of your humanity and dignity.The Narcissist gives you just enough nice to keep you on a hook, but denies you access to real love and instead delivers cruel verbal tirades to make you feel less of a person. You can never do enough to please a Narcissist. They will sexually abuse you and make you feel like a terrible lover if you cannot please them and worship their body constantly. You can never win and argument without being accused of being a terrible person. They live in a world of half-truths and when discovered attack you as the liar. They are the great pretenders. They can act their part almost to precision but have fatal flaws that eventually allow them to be discovered.

I really want you to understand that there are many more Narcissists out there than you can imagine! 

Their abuse is not confined to just marriage or dating relationships. Narcissists can be a mother, father, brother, sister, friend, co-worker, boss, preacher, mail-person, a cop, a lawyer, judge, doctor, therapist, or anybody! I think you get the message, BUT what we must understand is that they are dangerous and once they feel wounded they attack with the veracity of a hungry shark and will completely try to destroy a person’s security and sanity. They will attack your integrity and raise themselves above you as master and judge. It doesn't take much for them to feel slighted and it can be anything from a real to a perceived slight to them or their world. Here's the thing, sometimes it's subtle and masked so that you don't perceive attacks for what they really are. Sometimes it's a look of disgust or disbelief that you could be so idiotic in their mind, a word that says they are irritated and think you are ridiculous or obnoxious, a phrase they use to make you feel small or insecure(it could even sound like a joke-but it hurts).


Their life boils down to an accumulation of targets/victims, temporary family/friends, sexual partners, acquaintances, and whatever material gains or ‘life opportunities’ they manage to extort – but no one relationship to them is real but instead an opportunity for supply and ‘gain.’ As many spouses who have it figured out will attest. Narcissists will have children with them as well, and sometimes children to other spouses or other partners. It is sort of like a collection of human beings for the Narcissist or better yet objects that have no emotional depth or the chance of a worthwhile life with because this Narcissist will never be a real parent by any means. Malignant Narcissists are so heartless and callous that they can easily reject their own biological children, once they devalue and discard the target/victim spouse. BUT they will portray themselves as the BETTER spouse that is a complete care giver to these children, often taking credit for things the abused spouse has done in reality. 



So the truth here is the Narcissist can’t change and, most importantly, they DON’T want to change. They inhabit a fantasy world that they created which becomes reality for them and those they manage to brainwash because without it they lack any depth at all so they make up their own fantasy land and believe it is real and protect it. There is no reality or truth for any person that resides in their world. It is a train wreck waiting to happen and there are always many victims. Trying to change or stop the Narcissist from abusing you or anybody would be like trying to stop that train wreck with a tissue! In their world the truth and falsehood only holds a VERY weak and instrumental meaning as they apply it to any situation and there is absolutely no morality or respect of life contained in any of their thoughts or actions. They do what they want to do without a care or concern as to what effect it will have on anybody.



It is hard if not impossible to fully wrap our heads around the outlandish behavior of a Narcissist or their psychopathic mindset so we really shouldn't try to as it relates to and describes our abuse. What we do have is a mind and heart that is full of negative and demeaning messages that we were manipulated into believing and we need to purge them out of us and realize that we will only get more of these messages if we have ANY association with them whatsoever. It is time to get real about this and accept this fact. We are normal people that love and possess empathy so we could NEVER understand the mind of this creature and we should not attempt to either. Narcissists believe the truth they create at the moment they need it to provide them with new opportunities – there is no rhyme or reason to it except to satisfy one of their needs at that given moment. I believe they even have their own language and it is delusional at its basis and only ‘doubletalk’ to meet their agenda to extort other people’s lives.  They crave POWER, MONEY, POSITION and ADMIRATION! Truth is truth, but they have their own definition of truth which is above real truth in their minds! There is no my truth or your truth! Narcissist can hold any office, be in any career, and they are ruthless.

What can you do? REMEMBER WHAT HAS BEEN WRITTEN HERE! Be aware of this and carefully pick your friends, your future mate, and stay completely away from POISONIOUS PEOPLE LIKE THIS! If you have already been taken in by a Narcissist, get help and get out! You will feel disloyal because that is what you will be accused of, but what you are doing is saving your psychological and spiritual well-being and your children!


Greg Zaffuto has a great book called FROM CHARM TO HARM I recommend this book to anyone dealing with a Narcissist! Most of the thoughts in here are his so I know that he truly understands just what the Narcissist is up to in relationships.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1523820179/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_1?pf_rd_p=1944687442&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=1452591598&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=M1FCR5BF4EA17NNHBXPR

See you next blog,
Ted