I am in the finishing stages with my co-author on our book The Ride To Redemption: A Journey To Faith so I don't have much time to blog right now, but I am still an avid reader of books and blogs and ran across this one from Michaela Chung. She is a very gifted writer, blogger, world traveler and, of course, introvert. How do I know she is an introvert? SHE BRAGS ABOUT IT! She was born and raised in Canada, but has lived in Australia, Mexico and Colombia.
This is her blog site: http://introvertspring.com/introvert-vs-hermit-how-much-alone-time-is-too-much/#comments
She is dedicated to helping introverts revolutionize the way they see themselves. Her Myers-Briggs personality type is INFP.
My Myers-Briggs personality type is NOT INFP! Mine is: ENFJ
Her words: Alone time is essential to the well-being of introverts. We need solitude to reflect and recharge. If we don’t have enough time to ourselves, we can quickly become harried, growling bundles of discontentment, waiting to implode.
Michaela, I have spent more alone time in the last 10 months than I care to talk about...but I'm gonna talk about it. I can recite the Gettysburg address, the preamble to the Constitution of the United States, heck I'm thinking about memorizing every Shakespearean play ever written! I can keep writing in my books all day but then I start trying to act like every character in the book. Some times I forget who I am...
Her words: But how much alone time is too much? As I’ve said before, introverts are not immune to the torment of loneliness. Too little social interaction and we risk crossing over into the darker realms of depression and hermitdom (not a real word, but you get the idea).
I am pleased to learn that even those who self-impose "aloneness" on themselves can get lonely. I GET LONELY A LOT FASTER than you all do. I am an extrovert for Pete's sake! I actually try find people to be with but they are usually too busy for me. Talk about a society on the move. America takes the cake on that one!
Her words: Some of you may have heard of the phenomenon in Japan known as “Hikikomori”. Hikikomori is defined as a state of self-imposed social isolation lasting six months or longer. Hundreds of thousands of Japanese youth have chosen to withdraw to their bedrooms for months or even years. These modern-day hermits shun all forms of social interaction in favor of unhappy seclusion.
While we’re on the topic of extreme hermit cases, I read an article a few months ago about the Maine ‘North Pond Hermit’. This man had spent nearly three decades in complete isolation in the Maine woods. His arrest for burglarizing a nearby youth camp for disabled children was believed to be his first contact with other people in 27 years.
Most introverts are a far cry from the Hikikomori youths and deranged hermits of this world. We know the importance of human connections. We value our close friends and family; however, we are susceptible to unwanted feelings of isolation. At times, our aloneness seeps into areas it doesn’t belong. Peaceful silence becomes a messenger of sadness; contented solitude transforms into loneliness.
See what isolation can do to even an extreme Introvert Michaela? This dude was arrested and convicted of theft and they also found he was a Peeping-Tom. I don't choose to be who I am, I am who I am and I am a social type. I need intimate contact and social contact in order to resume some semblance of normal. Granted, I only like being around only a few social types at one time. I will never be labeled a party-dude! I don't even like huge family "get-togethers" that often-hey, come to think of it, I've never been to one! Michaela, you have a good point though, aloneness seeps into areas that it doesn't belong. I know about that. It is a sad thing. Too much solitude becomes loneliness. Did you know that there are certain people you just long to be with those who are too busy with their personal lives for you? Do you know that you can be with people, but because you long to be with that special person so badly that you are alone in a crowd? A word of warning to those who are not privy to personality tests, if you are not a "touchy-feely type person" never, no never try to partner with an ENFJ!
Her words: Sure, there are some hermits that are pretty cool. I would love to be the wise sage living in an enchanted forest for a day or two. I also have great respect for the spiritual leaders who withdrew from the world so that they could be enlightened. For the rest of us, the hermit life is unappealing and unnecessary.
When I go more than two days in a row without human interaction, I become restless. I begin to obsess over things that aren’t worth obsessing over. I start to feel agitated and morose. Soon, the dreaded “L” word begins to taunt me wherever I go. In my bedroom, in the kitchen, outside – even while watching a beautiful sunset – loneliness is there.
Loneliness can be especially tormenting for introverts who don’t have close friends or family nearby. Acquaintances just don’t do it for us. We need our trusted loved ones by our sides or we can feel lonely even when surrounded by people.
I have struggled with this during my travels. Because I usually couch surf, I am rarely completely by myself. But when you’re in a new country, surrounded by ‘friends’ who were strangers a day earlier, you can feel more alone than ever.
Perhaps you can spend five days in blissful isolation without feeling sad or lonely. Or maybe you can only handle one day of seclusion before you start itching for social interaction. The important thing is to know when it is time to reach out to those you care about and welcome them back into your world.
I don’t recommend the hermit life for most people, but If you really want to give it a try then go for it. But please, don’t ever steal from disabled children. Even by hermit standards, that’s just plain mean.
I agree that loneliness can be tormenting, especially if you don't have close friends that you really enjoy being around. I confess I am more introvert than I care to admit just because I am so selective about my friends, however that does not mean I do not want a family life and friends. I DO. I like people most of the time! Because I am a "touchy-feely" type person I also long to be with someone who is "touchy-feely." But I am even very selective about that too! I wonder if I can find some camp to raid that has touchy-feely people in it?
There is someone else I like being alone with though, because I am not lonely around Him. Our Lord Jesus was "touchy-feeling." How do I know that? He never took a Meyers-Briggs personality test. No, but He was always about His Heavenly Father's business touching the infirm of mind or body, healing broken-hearts, bringing the lost sheep of His father's house back home. We are all God's creation but we are not all God's kids. He longs for us to be His child-yes that means we adults are children to almighty God. But ya know, He's the kind of DAD that I longed for, I just didn't always know that. He understands me, created me, knew me before one of my days was even here...Psalm 139 says so. If you don't know Him, He is just a prayer away for those who really mean it. I recommend the manual he gave us to introduce Himself to His creation-it's called a Bible and start with John 3 verse 16-17. He touches our loneliness in a world too busy for us.
I got an email from a lady in Wisconsin that just broke my heart detailing all the things her husband has done to this young woman and would you believe after detailing the terrible things he has done she asked the question...AM I ABUSED? He fits the profile of a Malignant Narcissist to a tee, and makes her feel like she is the problem and that there is something wrong with her thinking. To her I have this to say and to everyone living with an Abusive Narcissist:
If you truly value your sanity you will have to understand that the Narcissist is an EMOTIONAL VAMPIRE! You will never have any real value except as "feeding ground" for his voracious appetite of self! Everything must revolve around this self-styled god. Separate yourself from his kingdom of self if you want any identity of your own. I have talked about the ABUSER until I am blue in the face it seems, but it really is hard to get the ABUSED to understand why their ABUSER does the things they do and that ABUSED ARE NO…
I will continue in the next blog to discuss the last part of Facing Our Fears, but because of emails asking me to define abuse in more detail I decided to include this: Emotional Abuse Test: Am I Emotionally Abused? and Psychological Abuse Signs and Symptoms. All the information included in here is used to evaluate the amount and type of abuse you may have been subjected to in a dangerous relationship. It is extremely important to recognize emotion abuse when it occurs because though no bruises are apparent on the outside, the psychological and spiritual effects are long lasting and can lead to suicide. Please read this and do something about your abuse and your abuser! The churches have widely ignored abuse and even some of those who recognize it actually takes place often tell the abused to SUBMIT TO THE ABUSER IN A GODLY MANNER...WRONG!!!!!!!!! It is nothing short of cowardice to allow abuse to continue in a Christian marriage and to allow the abuser to enjoy any status within the…
So many clergy are cowards when it comes to defending the woman in an abusive relationship. They either refuse to get between an abusive husband and his wife, or they try to take the "high road" and counsel the wife to take it all in stride and just continue her Christ-like conduct while being devastated by a FOOL! They admonish him to conduct himself in a more Christ-like manner-geez that lasts until he gets angry or doesn't get sex when he wants it!
This article is by Del Hungerford, and probably one of the most scholarly works I have seen when it comes to dealing with an abusive spouse.
So many people ask about divorce and abuse: Can a woman Biblically divorce her abuser? This seems to be the main “tripping over” point for many Christian women who are (or have been) in abusive relationships. I think in order to answer this question satisfactorily, it’s important to look at HOW God views our behavior and the results (consequences) of that behavior.