2. He has a different faith than you. Are you willing to compromise your biblical beliefs for the rest of your life? When raising your children? Which church/faith will you attend and take your children to? The one with his beliefs or yours? Compromise is great in marriage and it’s always needed but this is one area of your life where you wouldn’t want to compromise. Differing faiths between the two of you can cause an extreme amount of contention in your future marriage. Darkness and Light cannot walk together!
“And if a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand. Mark 3:25
3. He doesn’t work and he’s not actively looking to get a job. He’s content to have you pay his way. If he doesn't maintain a job before he reaches social security age he will get no benefits and neither will you!
But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. 1 Timothy 5:8
4. He wants to compromise your purity. Make no mistake about the difference between the two of you fighting your sexual temptations and him compromising your purity. One is a battle that you both will most likely face until your wedding day and the other is him pushing and pressuring you to give in to his sexual advances. If he’s willing to compromise his walk with Christ in this area of his life, he’ll compromise it elsewhere.
Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God. Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people. Eph. 5:1-3
5. He has anger issues which he doesn’t have under control. This sin can usually lead to physical and/or verbal abuse. ACTUALLY THIS SIN WILL LEAD TO ABUSE! Anger issues can be passive or aggressive...both are dangerous. Find out the difference if you don't know!
“Be angry, and do not sin” Eph. 4:26
6. He’s attached to his mother’s (or father’s) apron strings. In other words, he’s a mama’s boy who’ll put mama’s wishes and needs before yours. This will be a huge issue if you marry him because his allegiance and loyalty will be to his mom and not you. He’ll defend her before he’ll defend you or he’ll make excuses for her actions. The Bible says to leave and cleave. (KJV) This is not just a physical command, but an emotional one as well. His loyalty needs to be to you, first, and all others, second. This is true of male and female. If you are not first in their physical life you never will be even after the parent they cling to dies.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24 (NKJV)
7. There’s an addiction in his life he’s not looking to get rid of it. Alcohol, drugs, porn, gambling, etc. He’s fine not getting help and he’s not looking to have the chains of bondage broken. His addiction has become his god and he’s allowing this pleasure to govern his life. Sex and drugs(alcohol too) are relationship killers and lead to ABUSE!
For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world. 1 John 2:16
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. Romans 12:2
8. He places himself first. Examples of this would be his money, his career, his sports team, his outer appearance, etc. Basically, he’s got an idol in his life and it’s not Jesus Christ. A self-important man will make you feel inadequate, doubt yourself, blame you, criticize your every move in ways that make you feel you can never win.
Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. “This is the first and great commandment. Matt. 22:37,38
9. He’s not repentant when he sins. He shows no remorse for his actions and he doesn’t take responsibility for the wrong he’s committed. He shifts the blame to either you or to others. Men who make excuses for sin are not believers. They cannot be trusted. They are definitely not marriage material!
Pride leads to conflict; those who take advice are wise. Prov. 13:10
10. He says he’s a Believer but he doesn’t act like one. Everyone sins but someone who's feet run to sin and try to make excuses for it is a FOOL! Worse they try to make you share in their sin and even blame you or tell you "well you went along with it!"
For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away! 2 Tim. 3:2-5
Let’s add one more for good measure.
11. You don’t respect him. If you don’t respect him before you walk down the aisle, you certainly won’t respect him once you’re married. Respecting your guy is a BIG deal because once you’re married, you are commanded by God to respect your husband til death do you part! Don't respect money-making ability in a man, but see if you can respect the way they earn it. Do they feel sorry for themselves for having to make money for the household. Are they stingy? Can you trust their advice? Can you count on them to be there for you when you need them? Do they keep their word? Are they helpful to others without recompense? If you answer no to any of these RUN THE OTHER WAY!
And the wife must respect her husband. Eph. 5:33 (NLT)
If you sense that something is not right with your guy/relationship but you can’t put your finger on it, this, my friend, is the Holy Spirit speaking to you. Heed this warning!
If you’re dating a guy who is on this list, then run for the hills sweet sister! Settling for just any guy because you want to get married will bring you more heartache in the future. God’s got someone much better in mind for His precious daughter. Don’t compromise your walk with Jesus Christ just so you can walk down the aisle.
Of course there is no such thing as the ‘Perfect Guy’ since everyone falls short and sins. (Romans 3:23) But use discernment and filter this very important decision through the Word of God. Use the Bible as your guide, not your feelings.
Live a poured out life for Christ,
I've been trying very hard to get women and men to understand that there are evil people out there who will use you, abuse you, and put the lives of you and your children in danger because they are FOOLS! For you ladies who feel your biological clock ticking take this warning written above by a woman named Jolene Engle. It is not worth compromising your values to be with a man who will make your life a living hell. Your children and YOU will suffer. Eventually your marriage will become a trap not a place to feel secure in!
I got an email from a lady in Wisconsin that just broke my heart detailing all the things her husband has done to this young woman and would you believe after detailing the terrible things he has done she asked the question...AM I ABUSED? He fits the profile of a Malignant Narcissist to a tee, and makes her feel like she is the problem and that there is something wrong with her thinking. To her I have this to say and to everyone living with an Abusive Narcissist:
If you truly value your sanity you will have to understand that the Narcissist is an EMOTIONAL VAMPIRE! You will never have any real value except as "feeding ground" for his voracious appetite of self! Everything must revolve around this self-styled god. Separate yourself from his kingdom of self if you want any identity of your own. I have talked about the ABUSER until I am blue in the face it seems, but it really is hard to get the ABUSED to understand why their ABUSER does the things they do and that ABUSED ARE NO…
I will continue in the next blog to discuss the last part of Facing Our Fears, but because of emails asking me to define abuse in more detail I decided to include this: Emotional Abuse Test: Am I Emotionally Abused? and Psychological Abuse Signs and Symptoms. All the information included in here is used to evaluate the amount and type of abuse you may have been subjected to in a dangerous relationship. It is extremely important to recognize emotion abuse when it occurs because though no bruises are apparent on the outside, the psychological and spiritual effects are long lasting and can lead to suicide. Please read this and do something about your abuse and your abuser! The churches have widely ignored abuse and even some of those who recognize it actually takes place often tell the abused to SUBMIT TO THE ABUSER IN A GODLY MANNER...WRONG!!!!!!!!! It is nothing short of cowardice to allow abuse to continue in a Christian marriage and to allow the abuser to enjoy any status within the…
So many clergy are cowards when it comes to defending the woman in an abusive relationship. They either refuse to get between an abusive husband and his wife, or they try to take the "high road" and counsel the wife to take it all in stride and just continue her Christ-like conduct while being devastated by a FOOL! They admonish him to conduct himself in a more Christ-like manner-geez that lasts until he gets angry or doesn't get sex when he wants it!
This article is by Del Hungerford, and probably one of the most scholarly works I have seen when it comes to dealing with an abusive spouse.
So many people ask about divorce and abuse: Can a woman Biblically divorce her abuser? This seems to be the main “tripping over” point for many Christian women who are (or have been) in abusive relationships. I think in order to answer this question satisfactorily, it’s important to look at HOW God views our behavior and the results (consequences) of that behavior.