I decided to start the New Year with helping men and women understand how terrible abuse within marriage really is. There are other subjects that need to be covered but right now I choose to focus on you, the abused that are afraid to do anything about it! Some time ago I decided to take up the cause of spousal abuse and spousal rape in Christian homes! Why? Because it is happening all over the world and is even sanctioned by cultic sects and even overlooked by some mainstream churches and pastors. These churches teach men every scripture about the woman's role in being submissive but the miss the real importance of a man's role as being Christ in the home. It is, in fact, Pharisaic Legalism! Jesus never condoned legalism! To this type of cowardly man, sex and dominance in the home is everything in the relationship, not love.
The poem below is a testament to just how crippling abuse, whether physical or emotional, can be. It truly takes a cowardly fool to abuse your covenant partner!
You and Me
A Poem To My Abuser
The world knows a different you
You tell me and them I'm crazy and some believe it too
Why shouldn't they - you're so gentle and kind
They don't know what goes on in your mind.
If I told them that there is a different you,
a person they would loathe if only they knew
They'd probably think that i was to blame,
and i'd only be putting myself to shame
'Cause emotional abuse leaves no scars they can see.
You are not breaking bones - you are breaking me
You trample the core of my being - deep inside,
taking away my dignity, my respect and my pride.
I can't wait for your leaving in the morning,
and dread your return at night.
Being around you makes me edgy,
just waiting for the next fight.
What will I be ?- a slut or a bitch?
Useless or ugly and an evil ice witch?
Or will it be I'm just a cheap whore?
Someone "nobody but you could love anymore"?
Or will you ask me what i did with my day,
And then put me down for what I say?
Waiting to accuse me of lies and deceit,
Saying I'd sleep with every man but you on our street?
Will you criticize or throw out the meal I prepared for you,
or just find fault with every single thing that I do?
Will you punch me with words so hard that I cower,
All in an effort to regain your control and power?
Will you again resort to threats of violence maybe death?
I wish i could tell you to just hold your breath...........
'Cause you cannot kill someone who no longer exists,
who died a slow death by words and sometimes fists.
Its always the same ending after a fight,
you expect me to make love all through the night!
You sicken me and all i want is to be left alone and in peace
To be in a happy place where the hurting can cease
In this dysfunctional relationship that you call love,
You torture me some many times without a push or a shove.
But your words cut deeper than gashes and bruises could,
and my heart bleeds more than my body ever would.
For time will never heal the scars that I bear
I just bury them deeper year after year.
And slowly give in to who you want me to be,
It makes it far easier than me being me
Laura du Toit - 2009
If you live in a home like this...get out and get out quick! Seek help from whomever is willing to help you, but if you're a believer seek a Christian counselor that understands the terrible things that abuse does to someone. I would tell you to seek your pastor but first make sure he is an honorable man who upholds the biblical rights of a godly woman in need of help.
See you next blog,
Ted
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