Some of us were taught by godly parents or grandparents to measure our words before they come out of our mouth so as not to hurt others, but many were not so they use words as a weapon! Have you ever noticed that mainly those whose use of words this way grew up insecure in themselves? In order to feel good about themselves they had to inflict pain on someone else. They convince themselves that armed with a caustic vocabulary they can now stand up and be counted. They project their misery on others so that they seem smarter or more apt to lead and be noticed. They're only words some people say and what harm can words do? Yes, some believe the school-yard taunt: "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me." They're dead wrong. Words can hurt you in the home and in the workplace. Words placed at just the right time can build you up or tear you down and many can last a lifetime.
Today, I'm not referring to the caustic ones spoken (or received) tainted with sarcasm, irritation, anger or frustration, carrying an emotional punch and administered by an ABUSER. I'm talking about simple, everyday, normal word choices. Have you ever driven your car in a place that gets down-right cold and when ice forms on highways sometimes it is unseen under the right conditions? These words I am going to talk about, like black ice, are not an obvious danger at first glance. But, they can impact your results. So, user-beware.
Nan Russell is a writer, columnist, small business owner and consultant. She writes: "Words create impressions, images and expectations. They build psychological connections. They influence how we think. Since thoughts determine actions, there's a powerful connection between the words we use and the results we get."
Think about these two words: spend and invest. Would you like your bank to spend your money or invest it? Since spending implies the money is gone, you probably want a bank that invests. Now apply these same words to corporate budgets and see how that influences thinking. Early in my career, I saw budgets as allocated company money I had permission to spend. And I did spend it. I never thought of budgets as investing in the company's future until I was given profit and loss accountability for a new department and discovered my flawed thinking. I learned that in order to grow the department, I needed to budget with an investment mentality. Shifting words shifted my thinking and my results.
Try these words: problem and challenge. Would you rather a boss see your mistake as a problem or as a challenge? It's more than semantics. Problems are fixed; challenges are met. Have you ever had someone who sees you as a problem attempt to fix you? It's wrong and it's painful because they project their idea of how you should be in order to be like them! You have to lose your individuality to please them. Depending on how you view things words can evoke different feelings. You can have a more positive frame of mind meeting a challenge rather than fixing a problem or fixing someone.
Here are two favorites: bodies and people. As a young manager, I was negatively impacted every time I heard another manager talking about how many "bodies" they needed, or putting "butts in seats." Later, I learned many of those managers struggled with departmental morale problems. I could understand why if they saw people as interchangeable body parts to fill a seat rather than individuals playing an important role in their departments.
I realized the words I use to think and talk about my workload, my goals, my projects and the people I worked with influenced my thoughts and actions about them. So, in changing your words you change your impact. If I say I work "for" someone I have a different vision about my work-life than if I work "with" them; same with my staff working with, not for me.
Poorly chosen words can kill enthusiasm, impact self-esteem, lower expectations and hold people back. Well chosen ones can motivate, offer hope, create vision, impact thinking and alter results. I learned in twenty years in management my words have power over my thoughts and actions. They also impact and influence people I speak them to. By the way, for you PRETENDERS who think you can fool people by choosing different words in order to obtain what YOU WANT, if you are insincere about the use of words, people know you for who you really are by your actions. Talk is cheap and easily identifiable by the way you treat others when your guard is down. If you really want to be a person who impacts for good, treat the person who can do you absolutely no good as if he or she were of great value and mean it!
If you want a winning team at work or at home, learn to harness your word power to work for, not against you; select words that create a visual of the desired outcome; and choose each word as if it mattered. Because the people you use those words on should matter greatly to you! You might be surprised how much it does. Want better results? Care about the people you speak to and check your words!
See you next blog,
Ted
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